1. < Depression & Anxiety

Dealing with a Relationship that has Become Toxic (Gaslighting)

Posted by kla1960 @kla1960, Aug 10, 2020

My relationship which is an engagement has become toxic. He has become officially verbally and emotionally abusive and used gaslighting. I am a trauma survivor as well. I am also new to this group and a retired RN but there are so many red flags here beyond what I just mentioned especially during a pandemic and very unstable geo political situation. I have a plan already. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.Abuse is never the quote unquote victims fault . Yes I am also a survivor of domestic violence. My ACE score is 4.

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jobycat | @jobycat | May 3 3:24pm

Me Too, every day I wake up it is another day in hell. I am by nature a quiet person. She wont stop talking, yelling screaming. Cussing me out everyday. I survive on ssdi and have no one to help me. I dont think I would last long in a shelter. getting scared. Just want to go to sleep and not wake up I can not take much more. She has no job and wont get one as long as my ssdi will cover the bills. I Hate This

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2 replies
gravity3 | @gravity3 | May 6 6:30am
In reply to @jobycat "Me Too, every day I wake up it is another day in hell. I am by..." + (show)
@jobycat

Me Too, every day I wake up it is another day in hell. I am by nature a quiet person. She wont stop talking, yelling screaming. Cussing me out everyday. I survive on ssdi and have no one to help me. I dont think I would last long in a shelter. getting scared. Just want to go to sleep and not wake up I can not take much more. She has no job and wont get one as long as my ssdi will cover the bills. I Hate This

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Contact your local domestic violence organization or the national hotline. thehotline.org
Great support and resources. Sometimes when you are in this kind of stressful environment it is difficult to find a way out by yourself.

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | May 6 4:08pm
In reply to @jobycat "Me Too, every day I wake up it is another day in hell. I am by..." + (show)
@jobycat

Me Too, every day I wake up it is another day in hell. I am by nature a quiet person. She wont stop talking, yelling screaming. Cussing me out everyday. I survive on ssdi and have no one to help me. I dont think I would last long in a shelter. getting scared. Just want to go to sleep and not wake up I can not take much more. She has no job and wont get one as long as my ssdi will cover the bills. I Hate This

Jump to this post

Hi, @jobycat . What an awful situation! How long have you been together? Are you married? I can understand wanting to bring an end to it by not waking up.

A good therapist should be able to help you navigate ending the abuse, whatever that looks like. My daughter is a counselor with a clinic in Washington, and has helped a lot of people who are going through such things as you are. There are resources available, for sure, and a counselor should be able to connect you.

Verbal abuse is catastrophic to self esteem, even subtle forms of abuse, as I know from unfortunate experience. PTSD from abuse in any form is a killer, but it's treatable. Therapy, medication, my service dog and my faith have combined to help me deal with the effects of PTSD.

I don't pretend to have easy answers for you - there probably are no easy answers. What I can do is offer encouragement as you proactively make changes to improve your situation. Have you ever kept a journal? I've done that sporadically, but it can be valuable to chronicle the daily trauma when it comes to getting treatment.

Have you been doing anything to stop the cycle of abuse or to end the toxic relationship? You do deserve to live in safety.

Jim

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