Pain and Loss of Self Worth

Posted by labgirl @labgirl, Aug 26, 2023

I was diagnosed with arachnoiditis 5 years ago following major spine surgery.
I think I've learned to live with the chronic pain and neuropathy, but I still struggle with the fact that I can't do what I used to do. I have expectations that I should at least be able to vacuum and cook a small meal, but I can't because after standing for 3-5 minutes, I have to sit down and let the pain subside. Traveling, shopping, or even walking for more than 10 minutes are out of the question.
I held a challenging and very active executive position for 40 years, working 10+ hrs/day. I raised a daughter, and volunteered at a local hospice. Now, at age 70, I sit in a recliner for most of the day and read and do crosswords.
I see so many ads of people in their 70's and 80's golfing, biking, baking cookies and I look within myself and see a sedentary, dull person. I suspect that other people must think that of me, also.
Is anyone else experiencing these negative thoughts about themselves? How do you get to the point where you can regain some pride in yourself--this new self that can't accomplish or contribute very much to family, friends, or the community?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Chronic Pain Support Group.

@snikkis1

I am 59 years old and I understand chasing severe, severe pain. I fight the pain by meditating my own way listening to music and going to gym. Do I exercise while I'm there- sometimes but being there in my mind. I have a great support group and millions of doctors on board, some of them are clueless. If you ever want to talk text me.

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Please send me your email and we can talk

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@rwinney

You came to the right place! On a side note- I thought maybe you may find this thread interesting - the topic is about moderation and modification and how it can help chronic pain with tips straight out of Mayo Clinic's Pain Rehab occupational therapy portion. Conversation follows with members experiences and thoughts. Maybe you'll pick up a helpful tip or two along the way:

https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/moderation-and-modification-how-can-you-benefit/

With regard to feeling alone, you are certainly not alone. As you read through this thread you will find you are in good company and Connect is a positive, encouraging, safe space. Realizing that you need support was a very good step in the right direction. It's never too late to make small changes one step at a time. So easily chronic pain and loneliness can lead to feelings of loss of self-worth. Do you have any furry companions for company or special people that you like to check in with?

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Hi, This link was so helpful! I’m learning so much and am looking forward to “meeting” others. It’s like a whole new world has opened up to me.
Yes, I’ve gotten a Rescue dog in March and she is such great company.

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@leeinaz does your dog know when you are not feeling well? My son has a support cat who knows if he is not having a good day due to pain. On his bad days, she will be with him 24/7 and cuddle in close. I know he appreciates that because an animal's love is unconditional. Just having that love for some people can often be the difference in their decision-making when it just seems too much.

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@csearch

@leeinaz does your dog know when you are not feeling well? My son has a support cat who knows if he is not having a good day due to pain. On his bad days, she will be with him 24/7 and cuddle in close. I know he appreciates that because an animal's love is unconditional. Just having that love for some people can often be the difference in their decision-making when it just seems too much.

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Hi, Yes, she does! If I’m lying down she will lie down and snuggle right next to me. She’s a Toy Pomeranian and very affectionate- gets on my shoulder rather than my lap.

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Labgirl:
Your situation is certainly mirrored by others’ reported misfortunes, which likely does not even slightly diminish your suffering. Sometimes misery could do without company. Among other things, in the flesh of my back I have two long rods and a handful of four-inch deck screws securing my spine, and people can’t restrain themselves from telling me of others who have four rods. Thanks.
Our existential condition is owned in French as “La Condition Humaine,” with which expression Andre Malreaux metaphorically titled his 1933 novel about a failed revolution. With eight billion of our species now inhabiting a planet quivering at their support it is not life itself but our lives whose revolutionary fragility is evident. One observation on the ephemerality of the “real” is a Magritte window-themed painting of the above title. (He was, like Aga Christie’s Poirot, Belgian, not French.)
To emphasizes my point, writing as a visual artist whose pain prevents sitting, standing, or reclining for more than a short time, thereby preventing creative work, an accomplished and obviously intelligent person such as yourself has a good mind as a resource. Stephen Hawking provided an example until I read about his private life. Literally stellar accomplishment (he was an astrophysicist), often accompanies chiasmic ethical flaws. Examine Heidegger’s “Black Books” for a remarkable example of the phenomenon. I struggle alone, but respondents to your thoughtful question might collaborate to authori documentation of such ideas.
Very Best Wishes,
Carleton

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Oh boy, the humiliation of seeking pain medications. My mysterious pain started 8 years ago, when my family doctor could still prescribe Percocet. He had known me for years. He was getting nervous about prescribing opioids though, and told me that. After he retired, I ended up at a large pain clinic. It took me a while to catch on there. I thought that I would see a pain doctor who cared about me, and wanted to help. Nope. There’s a story about the day he finally agreed to meet me - his patient - too much to type here. All the monthly appointments were handled by nurse practitioners. I realized that the prescription was in her hand when she entered the exam room. My job was to answer her questions correctly, and I would get the prize - the prescription. It had been printed maybe weeks before, so had nothing to do with any possible changes in my condition. One visit I felt a little spicy, and actually questioned the process. I will never forget the image of the NP waving my prescription in the air, and saying “you know, I don’t have to give you this”. Oh the cruelty.

I’m watching my new pain doctor start to break down under the stress of regulations. He started out kind, interested and genuinely concerned about helping pain patients. Now he is a different doctor, and my job is to answer the questions correctly and leave with a prescription. Sad to see

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I know exactly how you feel because my quality of life has diminished and all I do is whatever I can.
I too look at others my age and envy that they can be so active, and I can’t.
I can hardly walk at times without my feet hurting me, so that keeps me from doing a lot.
I trying to look more positively at myself,but it’s so hard to.
All I do is go to doc appts, and get no helpin making me feel better.
At least with Connect, I can share my feelings with others who are in the same boat as I am.
I. Thankful for you and for others like us.

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Morning, isit here reading these posts and being thankful I am not alone. I was hurt ar work when I was 48, after working 20 yrs with the world's toughest... preschoolers. Lol. I was active, hunting, fishing, camping, shopping, leaving my house.... now none of those are even a want. It's hard to get out of bed, except for the pain not letting stay there longer and the meds waring off. I even took care of my grandmother while working so she had quality for 19 yrs. I totally understand you and pray you find answers so you can share.
I had 2 sets of shots both not helpful, only to make things worse. The laminectomy aka roto-rooter from the back of my spine to give the blown disc's room, and last attempt was a 2 stage fusion from the fron, where I was a small frame person so they had to break my hips apart and doing so now I have worse pains running down my legs, Brutistis.... my a$$ insurance refused them any more so he said come back when your done I will fix you right.... and I could always pin your hips if your in to much pain....
Some drs I don't get. I am seeing again management dr and been on the same dose for a yr... no relief. But if I stop taking it it's really bad so I guess I am getting something.
Good luck and we now know we are not alone.... but still feeling the same

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@rwinney

Hi @charliegirl - I get the overall vibe that you are not really a self-pitying person but one that works hard at getting through each day the best you can, with optimism - like most of us around here.

The attached diagram came to mind when reading your post. Sometimes a visual helps me when I lose sight of my control fallacies. Fighting chronic pain is exhausting and because I'm in less control of my body, reminding myself of the areas I can control in my mind, helps give power back. Mindset is one of those "power tools" in the tool box. How about you? Do you have any tools that you fall back on during difficult moments or days?

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I love this diagram. It is filled with wisdom!!
I use distraction on a daily basis. I lose myself in a plot filled book. I listen to upbeat music all day. I use massage electronics. I apply Salon Pas pain patches over my worst pain areas. This provide a lot of relief in adjacent areas too. I train with my new dog. I apply Lidocaine cream on other worst areas of pain, like my knees and feet. I take glucosomine and Turmeric supplements. And fish oil and a high quality multivitamin.
I eat Gluten free because I have celiac disease. I try to eat anti-inflammatory food also. This is boring, but I feel much worse if I eat junk food.
I use my pain Dr prescribed pain medicine; I take Morphine extended release, which changed my life!! I also take Lyrica, Cymbalta, Nortriptyline. And Tizanidine to sleep.
I have never had any of the bad effects for any of these meds.
I use a Happy Light bright light therapy, which helps for SAD and my general depression too. I hope all of you have a better day tomorrow!

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Hello everyone -
Loss of self-worth can hit at any age, circumstance or facet of life and today, I'm feeling it. The attached list inspired and reminded me in the moment of a difficult day that I can make changes. It's not about implementing everything on the list but ways to take small steps of self-help and self-care. Setting a goal and introducing one step each day, week or month can have a positive impact. Sometimes I get so inundated with symptoms and pain that I lose sight of the small ways to help myself. I've slacked off on breathing exercises so I'm choosing #4 to start with and recognize I can do a better job with consistency. Also #6, I've been feeling lonely so this morning I reached out to a friend to schedule a lunch date. Are there areas on this list that you could improve upon or begin implementing? Do you care to share any other ways or tips that help on your difficult days? I'm all ears.
Stay strong, my friends.

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