Caring for someone w/ obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)

Maybe your GP could reach out to them? I would think doctors would be more understanding when it comes to physchiatric patients.

Welcome to Connect, @rpg. I can certainly sense your frustration. Finally your husband is willing to seek help, and the help appears to be unavailable in the way your husband wants it. I agree with @sears. Have you asked your husband's GP or the psychologist who diagnosed him with obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) to make the referral to Mayo Clinic? Can you return to the psychologist he already saw?

Some other members on Connect have mentioned OCPD and may have some input for you on how to help with your husband's condition, especially the raging behavior, like @wellandhappy @angelinaprinzivalli @usernameca @dorisena @brdwybaby. @gingerw also may have some input for you.

Your husband opening up is huge. It would appear that he is beginning to recognize that he needs help. That's good. You mention that his raging has been increasing in intensity and duration. What has you most concerned about his behavior? This must have a big impact on you, too. Do you see a therapist to help you manage?

@rpg Have you developed an escape plan if it is needed [people to contact/place to go to]? If you are concerned for your physical safety, express that to your husband. The next time he becomes abusive, pick up your packed bag and leave. Immediately. Your safety has to come first. The things that @lisalucier mention are very valuable, and I hope that one of your husband's drs are able to refer him. If not, perhaps you know someone in your area who has had similar experiences and can give you a few names of professionals who helped them?
Ginger

Thanks for reaching out. Previous psychologist has retired and left the area. GP is old school-which is why hubby likes him-and believes it’s a “rough patch.”
Thanks for the connections. I’ll check those out.
I guess I find myself spending too much time weighing my future. Do I stay with a husband of 30 years who is indifferent (his best attempt at kindness) or honor my in sickness and in health vow. He is 66 and I am 61. But it is to the point I wake up, think about what day it is, and then think about whether we are in the silent-treatment stage, the raging stage, or the pleasant stage.
As far as his rages, what worries me is the potential for him to cross into physical violence.
I do have a therapist. Thanks

Thanks for the words of wisdom. Yes. I have had an escape plan for years. I keep essentials in my car and do leave when he starts.
Right now, I guess I am feeling lost because it takes so much to get to willingness to get help and I am unsure of how to have that help available. He sees Mayo not taking us as them agreeing with him that there is no problem.

I wrote a long reply and lost it and will write another one later. There is probably no cure for an unwilling person, which I have experienced several times in my life. Medication will help if the patient can be trusted to take it regularly. OCD patients can come from families with a genetic disorder. Look at the big picture and decide one way or the other. I am not sorry I stayed, but I don't recommend it because of the risk. Now I spend the rest of my life recovering. There is no "help" for OCD, only medication to ease the bad symptoms, if they stay on the medication. Find someone to "take you in." Some things do not have a cure in the sense that we would hope. If the patient wants help, he will cooperate fully. It is his choice, really. Doris

The reason I did not leave for fifty years is that there would be no one left to care for the man, and I couldn't put that responsibility on my oldest son. I couldn't put him out with the trash. The doctors believed his lies. It is difficult to keep a person with OCD on their meds.
He could change if he wants to, with medical help. It is his choice, not yours at this point. If you leave, he could become homeless or in the streets, as I saw that happen with a neighbor. I stayed with the same feelings I would have if I were helping a neighbor, as a volunteer for helping society a little. I quit loving him as a husband because my husband was gone. He died because he would not cooperate with the doctors about his diabetes, his alcoholism, and his cancer. It was his choice. Dorisena

Do you not have any physchiatrists in your area? His problems sound like too much for a GP or physchologist to handle.

Thanks,Dorisena. Sorry to hear you have also been in this forest

Very small area. Lack of trust is the issue. He has trust in Mayo rep because of other family members opinion