No erection after 5 years after radical prostatectomy

Thanks for starting this thread. My nerve sparing surgery was 23 months ago. I can get semi erections, but usually not firm enough for penetration. However, we tried sex for for the first time in over a month and with viagra I was actually able to have sex ! It wasn't perfect. But it worked.

I was about to give up hope on intercourse again. This could just be a one - off, but I have a little hope.

But the one thing that made intercourse a little challenging was penis length. I feel I am about a half inch to inch shorter. Has anyone been able to get back to their original length?

I'm assuming some the problem is related to the urethra being shortened. But I thought it would eventually stretch and return to normal.

In general, my semi erections haven't improved over the last year. Not firm enough. But today gave me a little hope.

Are there conversation threads here written by those of us that are permanently impotent due to our prostatectomies? I am not looking for advice on implants or Trimix injections. I can perform with Trimix but it is very challenging to get to the finish line. I am looking for threads about how you are mentally handling this ED. I think about it every day as I continue to use a VED in the evenings to keep blood flowing into my penis. I think about it every time the guys at golf crack a "boner" joke. I am not in a depression but knowing I will never have a natural erection again is sobering. It may be serendipity because, due to her own biology issues, sex was becoming more and more painful for my wife prior to my prostatectomy 3 years ago. She might be relieved because we make love far less now. She is not craving sex. So let me know what goes on inside your head, not your genitals, if you had damaged nerves that never healed like mine didn't.

Thanks for starting this thread. My nerve sparing surgery was 23 months ago. I can get semi erections, but usually not firm enough for penetration. However, we tried sex for for the first time in over a month and with viagra I was actually able to have sex ! It wasn't perfect. But it worked.

I was about to give up hope on intercourse again. This could just be a one - off, but I have a little hope.

But the one thing that made intercourse a little challenging was penis length. I feel I am about a half inch to inch shorter. Has anyone been able to get back to their original length?

I'm assuming some the problem is related to the urethra being shortened. But I thought it would eventually stretch and return to normal.

In general, my semi erections haven't improved over the last year. Not firm enough. But today gave me a little hope.

This is utterly depressing. The common, dominate and underlying theme, is that OUR UROLOGISTS DECEIVE US BY NOT SHARING THE PROBABILITY OF PERMANENT ERECTILE DISFUNCTION FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. I am so utterly angry how my doctor has strung me along. I've written this before, so sorry for those re-reading it, but I asked: "How long until I can have an erection and enjoy sex again?" He said that it could take up to 6-9 months, but some men are lucky and achieve erections sooner. By my ninth month follow up and "NOT EVEN A TWITCH" DOWN THERE, I asked/said: "I thought you said 6-9 months?" He said that it can take some men a year, occasionally longer. At one year - and still no erections - I asked/said: "WELL?!?!?" He said, you might take maybe up to two years before you regain the ability to have an erection." I said: "That is still speaking in the affirmative that IT WILL HAPPEN, but it just take me longer." He only smiled with an uncomfortable look on his face. I think he already knows that despite his surgical report stating that he "preserved the neurovascular bundles", that few if any men ever regain their ability to get an erection. I think they know that if they tell us of permanent ED, that they would not get to make money off of us for performing the RP surgery. They are professional physicians...they should be man enough to tell us the bad news so that we can make our best, informed decision as to whether we have the RP surgery or not.
This has affected the rest of my life. I WILL NOT attempt to start dating someone new until I know I can get erections. BTW - my divorce was finalized one month before my RP surgery, so at age 70, I am starting my life all over again, but now I am incapable of being the full man that any woman will want. Yes, yes, yes...most women at my age are not so interested in sex any longer, but my intent is to find one that IS interested. I really never thought at all about how much the ability to have sex on command was important and defined me as a man...probably because I always could. I feel like "half a man" now. What woman will want a divorced, 70 year old man who can't have sex, and whose cancer has a great likelihood of returning within the first five years post-RP? My chances are less than 1% of finding someone for a lasting relationship.
I am literally sitting here shaking my head in disbelief and disgust thinking that I would have NEVER thought that I would be "HERE" in this situation. I am going to be one of those lonely old men who sits with other lonely old men out in front of the donut shop talking about our Glory Days. But wait...I am Diabetic, so I can't eat donuts. I guess I'll just sit alone in my house every morning wondering if it is my last morning on earth. Right now my big thrill everyday is to walk out to get the mail, go to buy a few groceries to see other human beings, and watch TV movies in the evening with my dogs on my lap. Then I wake up at 1:00 a.m. realizing that I fell asleep on the couch, so I go to bed, and do it all again the next day. I also go to the gym to see other humans...that is fun now since all of the college girls are home for the Summer!

@rlpostrp - sounds like you’re going through a lot, and I do remember you posting about this before.

One thing I missed or don’t remember…how long since your surgery? Have you passed the outer limit of erection recovery?

My surgeon told me “2 to 4 years,” so he didn’t string me along like yours did. I just checked a few resources online and see that as long as 5 years isn’t out of the question, so depending when you had your surgery, all is not lost, you just may need to give it more time.

In the meantime, are you practicing penile rehab by using a pump and taking meds? That improves your chances quite a bit.

I had partial nerve-sparing (and the surgeon said I had some pretty funky, twisted up nerves, so it took him a lot longer to get them out) - nerves gone on my left, but still there on my right. That improves my chances, but not as much as if I’d had total nerve-sparing surgery, and I probably lose a point or two because I had a somewhat rough surgery.

I’m a little on the younger side (59 until next month), so that works in my favor, and while I was just starting to see the beginnings of ED before my surgery, I could still get an erection very easily (just some slight trouble maintaining it), so that might help, but I have HBP and flirt with diabetes now and again, both which contribute to ED.

All that means that I put my chances of getting back to unassisted erections after 4 years at around 45%. That’s my rough guess. I assume whatever I do get back will need to be helped along with meds. We’ll see.

I’m just biding my time until then. I’m married, wife is very understanding, and it’s important to remember that there’s more ways to have sex than just “Penis, meet Vagina…Vagina, Penis.” - you don’t really have to put off sex if you don’t want to.

You’ve been around longer than me, so you know better than I do that there’s oral sex, that there’s penetrative sex with sex aids, with your fingers, there are vibrators…you’ve got a whole menu to choose from, and it’s not all just for her, because you don’t need an erection to have an orgasm. It’ll take a little longer, and you need a willing and patient partner, but it can be done.

Meet someone you like and just be honest. Say what you’re going through. Look for companionship first and sex later if need be, but you don’t have to cut yourself off from women (or anyone else) if you don’t want to.

Who knows? Once you’re at a certain point, the little fellow may wake back up. There are plenty of men posting on here who’ve gotten on the other side of ED, I think. It’s not a certain death sentence.

Hang in there, work that pump, pop that pill, and try and remember you’re alive to live and f…ight another day, with a little luck and some persistence.

This is utterly depressing. The common, dominate and underlying theme, is that OUR UROLOGISTS DECEIVE US BY NOT SHARING THE PROBABILITY OF PERMANENT ERECTILE DISFUNCTION FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. I am so utterly angry how my doctor has strung me along. I've written this before, so sorry for those re-reading it, but I asked: "How long until I can have an erection and enjoy sex again?" He said that it could take up to 6-9 months, but some men are lucky and achieve erections sooner. By my ninth month follow up and "NOT EVEN A TWITCH" DOWN THERE, I asked/said: "I thought you said 6-9 months?" He said that it can take some men a year, occasionally longer. At one year - and still no erections - I asked/said: "WELL?!?!?" He said, you might take maybe up to two years before you regain the ability to have an erection." I said: "That is still speaking in the affirmative that IT WILL HAPPEN, but it just take me longer." He only smiled with an uncomfortable look on his face. I think he already knows that despite his surgical report stating that he "preserved the neurovascular bundles", that few if any men ever regain their ability to get an erection. I think they know that if they tell us of permanent ED, that they would not get to make money off of us for performing the RP surgery. They are professional physicians...they should be man enough to tell us the bad news so that we can make our best, informed decision as to whether we have the RP surgery or not.
This has affected the rest of my life. I WILL NOT attempt to start dating someone new until I know I can get erections. BTW - my divorce was finalized one month before my RP surgery, so at age 70, I am starting my life all over again, but now I am incapable of being the full man that any woman will want. Yes, yes, yes...most women at my age are not so interested in sex any longer, but my intent is to find one that IS interested. I really never thought at all about how much the ability to have sex on command was important and defined me as a man...probably because I always could. I feel like "half a man" now. What woman will want a divorced, 70 year old man who can't have sex, and whose cancer has a great likelihood of returning within the first five years post-RP? My chances are less than 1% of finding someone for a lasting relationship.
I am literally sitting here shaking my head in disbelief and disgust thinking that I would have NEVER thought that I would be "HERE" in this situation. I am going to be one of those lonely old men who sits with other lonely old men out in front of the donut shop talking about our Glory Days. But wait...I am Diabetic, so I can't eat donuts. I guess I'll just sit alone in my house every morning wondering if it is my last morning on earth. Right now my big thrill everyday is to walk out to get the mail, go to buy a few groceries to see other human beings, and watch TV movies in the evening with my dogs on my lap. Then I wake up at 1:00 a.m. realizing that I fell asleep on the couch, so I go to bed, and do it all again the next day. I also go to the gym to see other humans...that is fun now since all of the college girls are home for the Summer!