Newbie & scared

The oncologist was pretty clear that she considered there to be only one chemotherapy option. It was either that chemo or no chemo, and whatever one she was referring to could damage my heart and other vital parts of my body and therefore she wouldn't do it with me. (It wasn't like I was begging for chemotherapy; but I guess I expected there to be more options or more discussion of options.) Toward the end of the appointment, I just shut down because it was clear to me that there was nowhere to go and I didn't want to start crying. The plan was decided. Her attending doctor came in and was a little gentler but didn't give any other message but we talked about 2nd opinions being available if I wanted.

So are you getting a second opinion? Sorry I forget!

Yes, or at least I've scheduled one, so I assume I won't change my mind. Thanks for your kind attention to my dilemma. I think I'm calming down about it. I could get used to thinking about something other than breast cancer!

I know how you feel. I also was diagnosed with TNBC (that was invasive lobular) in one breast and then Er+ Pr+ invasive Ductal in the other breast. Both were stage
1a and grade 2. I went to Mayo Rochester for treatment. I am 70 and had my surgery in March. At first before my bilateral mastectomy the Oncologist said maybe chemo. Then after my pathology came back the Oncologist said probably no chemo because my Ki 67 was low, 5% in the TNBC tumor and 13% in the Er+ tumor and both tumors were stage 1a. He took it to the tumor board and they said no chemo. I was relieved in one way and scared in another way that maybe chemo might help with guarding against recurrence, but since I was at one of the best places I felt confident that it is the right decision. I am on Tamoxifen for the ER+ tumor even though I am post menopausal because I have osteoporosis. I am also getting Zometa infusions now for osteoporosis because the Oncologist told me that there is a benefit with that drug for preventing recurrence.
One other thing I am doing, (besides lots of prayer) that is helping me a lot with the anxiety of it all since my surgery, is doing what I call "Optimistic Self Talk" every single day for 15 minutes. I read 2 books about the mind body connection when this all started and that confirmed the fact that it was very important both physically and mentally to stay optimistic and believe that we will be bc survivors. So here is what I do every single day.
First I set my phone timer for 15 minutes, then I lie on my back with my eyes closed, palms up. Then I say over and over for those 15 minutes: "Love, light, optimism, wellness and healing. I am staying in remission. I am staying free from cancer and free from rogue cancer cells. I am a survivor and I will stay a survivor. I am well and healthy. I am just fine. All is well in my body. "
Let me just say it has helped me immensely! I never miss a day of doing that 15 minutes of optimistic self talk. It has truly helped my anxiety and has kept me in an optimistic mood! I may have shared this already on this site, not sure, but it has meant so much to me that I'm sharing it again in the hopes that it could help one of you reading this. Healing wishes to all of you. ❤️

Thank you SO much for that little tutorial. When I got out of bc treatment, I went to get therapy to try to get my head in a positive space. Ended up with a therapist that was way younger than I and all we talked about was her triple positive breast cancer from a few years prior. That wasn't helpful. Now here I am post 2 surgeries for vulvar cancer (this summer) -- pretty healed and no further treatment needed at this time (stage 1B) and all 16 lymph nodes removed were clear, as well as no evidence of any cancer or pre-cancer at the surgical site. I am so grateful, but there is a side of me that says, "OK, now I can go back to worrying about a BC recurrence!" That's what I needed your tutorial for!! What two books did you read, by the way? Thanks again!

I appreciate all of the supportive replies. I think my emotions about this are complicated so I'm taking time to try to work them through. I think there is a combination of things - having only 2 months between diagnosis and dismissal is confusing. Just getting used to the idea of being a cancer patient when I'm told I'm not anymore. Of course, it is a good thing not to have cancer or to not need chemo but something in the way it was told to me rubbed me wrong, especially being told that I was "cured" and "cancer-free". At best, that seems an overstatement that cannot really be backed up.

There were other things that rubbed me wrong, such as being told there was only one kind of chemo that can be used and so it was either that (which would do great damage to my body) or nothing. She did later explain that "nothing" include close monitoring by a breast cancer nurse. Also, I may be feeling a bit of abandonment as she won't be following me anymore since I'm no longer a cancer patient. And she was 20+ minutes late for the appointment and blamed the copy machine (really?)

So, in a short period, I go from having something serious wrong with me to having nothing wrong with me; from having a supportive treatment team to having quarterly visits with a nurse. I truly am grateful that things are not worse, but I also have a sort of anger and grief to work through, as odd as that may sound. I won't be surprised if my 2nd opinion matches the first, but I'm hoping that any conversation that comes out of it will have a different flavor.

As a note for anyone else going through something similar: I'm a psychologist and I know this sort of paradoxical reaction is not so very unusual. I once knew someone who was considered terminal and, in the middle of mentally adjusting to impending death, got better. It was a rough road for sometime after that. Our emotions can go in many different directions at once and I tend to think it is better to ride the waves than to pretend the waters are peaceful if they're not. I am who I am and I trust it will get worked out in the end. (I'm not saying I FEEL that way at the moment, but that's what I believe.) Again, thanks for all the sharing.

The oncologist was pretty clear that she considered there to be only one chemotherapy option. It was either that chemo or no chemo, and whatever one she was referring to could damage my heart and other vital parts of my body and therefore she wouldn't do it with me. (It wasn't like I was begging for chemotherapy; but I guess I expected there to be more options or more discussion of options.) Toward the end of the appointment, I just shut down because it was clear to me that there was nowhere to go and I didn't want to start crying. The plan was decided. Her attending doctor came in and was a little gentler but didn't give any other message but we talked about 2nd opinions being available if I wanted.

@mkb4435 - when I got my initial dx I did research on possible treatments so when the oncologist made her recommendation I knew it was what was used for my try of bc. But I also asked about other possible treatments and she explained why they weren’t recommended. This way I felt comfortable with the treatment plan. I will say I spent a lot of time reading and researching.