Need help! Depression and anxiety

Posted by pirateking @pirateking, Jul 22, 2016

I don’t know where else to go without going to a hospital. I’ve always had issues with depression and anxiety. It is tough to deal with, but I have a grasp of what it is at least. I’ve been taking 10MG of Lexapro and 1-1.5 MG of Klonopin to treat it. My psych doctor died in January and I started with a new doctor that upped my Lexapro to 20MG and put me on Buspar for anxiety.

She then decided to take me off the Klonpin. She had me go from 1-1.5 to only .5 a day a month ago and then cut me off. My anxity was already starting to increase that month, and a few days after I stopped the klonopin I faced massive panic attacks among a ton of other issues. It took some begging for help until she eventually put me on .5MG of Atavan but I don’t think it is working.

My current symptoms are this horrible brain fog that is impairing my basic functions. I forget things easily, I can’t concentrate. It feels like I’ve literally got dumber. I am clumsier. I keep almost walking into poles and today I almost got run over by a bus. I’m beyond irritable. I almost attacked a man on an elevator because of his breathing, and I’ve never had such violent thoughts before. I’ve had brief sucidical thoughts that I had to talk myself out of because I rationally know I don’t want to do that.

When I stretch my neck it hurts. It feels like my neck or back is violently ripping in two. I’m having out of body experinces. I am sitting at work and suddenly I am not sure if I am dreaming or not

I also have headaches, I’m pacing constantly. I am having muscle spasims, twitching, my hands tremble.

This is terrifying. I’ve never felt like this in my entire life and I don’t know what is going on. Is it the Buspar? The Atavan? The lack of Klonopin and should I go to the hosptial? My doctor isn’t around on the weekends. Any help will be appericated.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety group.

@nene58

Have had to deal with being depressed since I was young. Have had to deal with it on my own also. Parents did not believe in helping with therapy, Meds. Has been hard to get thru it at times on my own. Ended up in the psych ward a few times, tried to kill myself. On Meds and in therapy again now. When will it ever end? Just want to feel normal for once. I am so tired of therapy and have been trying to get my therapist so mad at me that will will tell me that she can no longer see me. Pushing my family away, pushing everyone as far away from me as possible. Work is becoming so hard to get up to go to. I feel so lost right now and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?

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I’m wondering how the TMS is going. I think you said it would be 5 days a week for a few weeks. Just interested to know how soon you’ll start feeling the effect.

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@nene58

Have had to deal with being depressed since I was young. Have had to deal with it on my own also. Parents did not believe in helping with therapy, Meds. Has been hard to get thru it at times on my own. Ended up in the psych ward a few times, tried to kill myself. On Meds and in therapy again now. When will it ever end? Just want to feel normal for once. I am so tired of therapy and have been trying to get my therapist so mad at me that will will tell me that she can no longer see me. Pushing my family away, pushing everyone as far away from me as possible. Work is becoming so hard to get up to go to. I feel so lost right now and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?

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This is cowboy! This is my 2nd week but said it would be at least 4th week before I see big difference! Big commitment to go everyday but hope it will be worth it! Make sure the person is Certified. They tried switching me to training a lady and I let them know I didn’t like that! You have to speak up! So I’m having same Tech everyday. Ask lots of questions? It’s your brain they are messing with!

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@nene58

Have had to deal with being depressed since I was young. Have had to deal with it on my own also. Parents did not believe in helping with therapy, Meds. Has been hard to get thru it at times on my own. Ended up in the psych ward a few times, tried to kill myself. On Meds and in therapy again now. When will it ever end? Just want to feel normal for once. I am so tired of therapy and have been trying to get my therapist so mad at me that will will tell me that she can no longer see me. Pushing my family away, pushing everyone as far away from me as possible. Work is becoming so hard to get up to go to. I feel so lost right now and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?

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I’ve learned the importance of paying attention to what’s being said and done in the medical setting. I was going to have ECT last year, but I gave up on it because trying to arrange all the travel (120+ miles away), housing – motel expense, riding public transportation from motel to hospital every day (no animals on bus, and we’d have my service dog and my wife’s small dog), or parking a travel trailer at the hospital…It was all just too much for me to deal with, so I dropped it. With depression, etc., it’s hard for me to deal with decisions and organizing logistics. I had gone through all the approval process through the hospital, and their social services director was doing a lot to try to facilitate the procedure. My wife didn’t want me to do ECT, which made it a further challenge.

I don’t know if TMS is available any closer to home. After I hear how it works for you, maybe I’ll investigate it.

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@nene58

Have had to deal with being depressed since I was young. Have had to deal with it on my own also. Parents did not believe in helping with therapy, Meds. Has been hard to get thru it at times on my own. Ended up in the psych ward a few times, tried to kill myself. On Meds and in therapy again now. When will it ever end? Just want to feel normal for once. I am so tired of therapy and have been trying to get my therapist so mad at me that will will tell me that she can no longer see me. Pushing my family away, pushing everyone as far away from me as possible. Work is becoming so hard to get up to go to. I feel so lost right now and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?

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Did social worker make arrangements for your housing? You need someone to guide you until your therapy gets you feeling more control.

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@nene58

Have had to deal with being depressed since I was young. Have had to deal with it on my own also. Parents did not believe in helping with therapy, Meds. Has been hard to get thru it at times on my own. Ended up in the psych ward a few times, tried to kill myself. On Meds and in therapy again now. When will it ever end? Just want to feel normal for once. I am so tired of therapy and have been trying to get my therapist so mad at me that will will tell me that she can no longer see me. Pushing my family away, pushing everyone as far away from me as possible. Work is becoming so hard to get up to go to. I feel so lost right now and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?

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The hospital social services director had found a motel close to the hospital, and I think had said I would get a special low rate. But I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have that treatment because it’s so far from home.

By now, a year later, the therapist I was seeing took a position somewhere else, and the local hospital, where she was working, hasn’t replaced her. So, I haven’t seen a therapist or psychologist for nearly a year, mainly because I don’t know of any locally who bill Medicare. I stopped seeing the psychiatrist, as well, who monitored my meds. Of the 6 or 7 therapists/lcsw’s/ psychiatrists/psychologists I’ve seen over the past 11 years, there’s really only one to whom I really opened up. And he moved on, just like all the others. Our small town doesn’t adequately support a good professional counselor, and I don’t want to drive an hour each way to go where there are good ones. I did that for a short time.

I’ve strayed from the subject you brought up. Sorry. I tend to wander off and write about what the subject reminds me of.

One of the issues with ECT is that the patient can’t leave each treatment alone, and especially can’t drive. So, someone would have to stay with me, and my wife really wouldn’t want to be away from home for up to 6 weeks, even if we came home on the weekends. I don’t know anyone who could take on that job.

I’m stopping before I get distracted and wander off again. Did I address your question?

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@nene58

Have had to deal with being depressed since I was young. Have had to deal with it on my own also. Parents did not believe in helping with therapy, Meds. Has been hard to get thru it at times on my own. Ended up in the psych ward a few times, tried to kill myself. On Meds and in therapy again now. When will it ever end? Just want to feel normal for once. I am so tired of therapy and have been trying to get my therapist so mad at me that will will tell me that she can no longer see me. Pushing my family away, pushing everyone as far away from me as possible. Work is becoming so hard to get up to go to. I feel so lost right now and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?

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If it was going to help me I would make the two hour trip. I used to see a doctor that was a two hour trip one way. It wasn’t because I couldn’t find one near my home it was because I wanted the best therefore I drove to The Bipolar Clinic in Boston. The good thing was once I was stabilized I only had to drive in every three months.
I have since found a doctor near my home but won’t see her until November.
Also, if you think it’s going to help you I would bite the bullet, take your wife and go have ECT treatments. It’s only six weeks out of your lives which is a drop in the bucket and it will be over before you know it. It seems like your putting all these obstacals in the way, perhaps you really don’t want to have the treatment. I’m not trying to be hard on you just practical.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

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@pirateking I was sad to read your post regarding your challenges with depression and anxiety. While I do not have untreatable depression, my wife had debilitating anxiety as a result of her battle with cancer. While her medical team was able to work effectively on her cancer-related difficulties, they never really understood, nor took seriously enough, the challenges she faced due to her anxiety. It took a constant vigilance by her neuro-oncologist, who was very good at trying varying medical ‘cocktails’ to attempt to alleviate her anxiety.

As an outcome of what I witnessed with her, as her caregiver, I would say this: As hard as it is, keep at it. Keep communicating with your doctor(s) as much as you can. If you can, keep a log of your feelings so they can fully understand the effects of your anxiety and depression on you. When they strike most, when it is the worst, exactly what time of day you take each of your meds. Good doctors can often see patterns we ourselves miss.

Peace and strength!

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@IndianaScott

@pirateking I was sad to read your post regarding your challenges with depression and anxiety. While I do not have untreatable depression, my wife had debilitating anxiety as a result of her battle with cancer. While her medical team was able to work effectively on her cancer-related difficulties, they never really understood, nor took seriously enough, the challenges she faced due to her anxiety. It took a constant vigilance by her neuro-oncologist, who was very good at trying varying medical ‘cocktails’ to attempt to alleviate her anxiety.

As an outcome of what I witnessed with her, as her caregiver, I would say this: As hard as it is, keep at it. Keep communicating with your doctor(s) as much as you can. If you can, keep a log of your feelings so they can fully understand the effects of your anxiety and depression on you. When they strike most, when it is the worst, exactly what time of day you take each of your meds. Good doctors can often see patterns we ourselves miss.

Peace and strength!

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Your wife is a brave women, hopefully she is doing well and has beat the cancer. You also had or have a lot on your plate being the caregiver. I did that when my Mom was dying of cancer, it was very difficult as my Mom was my best friend and she died a horrible death, but I’m glad that I was there to help her. I don’t think caregivers give themselves enough credit for what they do.
Take care and like I said I pray that your wife is doing okay.

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Keeping everyone in our sincerest prayers to tolerate and overcome such horrible diseases … check into alternative medicines as well …GOD Bless & Sound Luck!!

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@IndianaScott

@pirateking I was sad to read your post regarding your challenges with depression and anxiety. While I do not have untreatable depression, my wife had debilitating anxiety as a result of her battle with cancer. While her medical team was able to work effectively on her cancer-related difficulties, they never really understood, nor took seriously enough, the challenges she faced due to her anxiety. It took a constant vigilance by her neuro-oncologist, who was very good at trying varying medical ‘cocktails’ to attempt to alleviate her anxiety.

As an outcome of what I witnessed with her, as her caregiver, I would say this: As hard as it is, keep at it. Keep communicating with your doctor(s) as much as you can. If you can, keep a log of your feelings so they can fully understand the effects of your anxiety and depression on you. When they strike most, when it is the worst, exactly what time of day you take each of your meds. Good doctors can often see patterns we ourselves miss.

Peace and strength!

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Hi @lesbatts Thanks for the kind words. Unfortunately my wife lost her battle July 7th.

Peace.

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