My wife forgetting: Diagnosed with MCI

Posted by jimmars51 @jimmars51, Nov 29, 2020

She has been diagnosed with M C I for 18 months. More and more lately she will ask if we ate anything today. She very rarely cooks now and if i don’t schedule and make meals she goes without. I am trying best to stay up with everything, but its getting tough. Just need to “unload” and ask for ideas to be able to keep up. Lots more going on also.

After several years mci. Now vascular dementia… I shop, all meals, heavy cleaning. Wife cleans up, does dishwasher, laundry. (Mild scavenger hunt follows) I answer all repeated questions trying not to show my real feelings, joke sometimes about memory issues and keep outward positive attitude. Just as victorkach says, continuing to treat her with love and respect gets us through each day.

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@becsbuddy

@marvkw You might try senior services in your area or the Agency on Aging. They should be able to point you in the right direction. In my town, there are senior centers also, that have lots of information. Hope this helps a little

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Thank you.

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Thanks Colleen. Just something else I'll have to think about in the afternoon and stay close to her (but that's ok).

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@marvkw

After several years mci. Now vascular dementia… I shop, all meals, heavy cleaning. Wife cleans up, does dishwasher, laundry. (Mild scavenger hunt follows) I answer all repeated questions trying not to show my real feelings, joke sometimes about memory issues and keep outward positive attitude. Just as victorkach says, continuing to treat her with love and respect gets us through each day.

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Marvkw, I believe keeping everything light and joking helps minimize the anxiety for my wife (even though inside I'm wound pretty tight)

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My husband was diagnosed with MCI 3 years ago. It is so very difficult. His memory continues to slip. I work full time in healthcare and have needed to work 3 days a week from my home office now and grateful I can. He does not remember the date, month, day of week, what he had for breakfast, or how many days he has worn the same clothes. He asks me the same questions over and over sometimes within seconds of each other. He tells me it is like a curtain slowly closing before his eyes and he can't do anything about it. He cries when I need to leave the house now sometimes and is very emotional about many things. He is always afraid something will happen to me and I won't come back to take care of him. He can still do most things independently, but the memory is just not there. It is sad. I tend to stay home more and not visit nearly as much with my grandkids and kids. They try to understand, but I feel guilty leaving him alone for a few hours, and he does not want to go out anymore. Nice to have this site to help each other stay positive through this journey. He is 10 years older than I am. Still at 71 he seems too young to have this happen. It is sad. I am sad.

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@orca59

My husband was diagnosed with MCI 3 years ago. It is so very difficult. His memory continues to slip. I work full time in healthcare and have needed to work 3 days a week from my home office now and grateful I can. He does not remember the date, month, day of week, what he had for breakfast, or how many days he has worn the same clothes. He asks me the same questions over and over sometimes within seconds of each other. He tells me it is like a curtain slowly closing before his eyes and he can't do anything about it. He cries when I need to leave the house now sometimes and is very emotional about many things. He is always afraid something will happen to me and I won't come back to take care of him. He can still do most things independently, but the memory is just not there. It is sad. I tend to stay home more and not visit nearly as much with my grandkids and kids. They try to understand, but I feel guilty leaving him alone for a few hours, and he does not want to go out anymore. Nice to have this site to help each other stay positive through this journey. He is 10 years older than I am. Still at 71 he seems too young to have this happen. It is sad. I am sad.

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My wife was initially diagnosed with MCI back in 2014 but the progression has not been fast except for the last month. My wife retired back in 2012 because of memory issues and I retired two years later. We joined a gym back in 2014 and it has been great for her. Our old gym closed down in early 2020 but we continued going for walks in the neighborhood (3-5 miles). I really believed the activity/exercise helped delay the progression. Lately, she has been having trouble knowing where to get a glass for some water or where the knives & forks are for dinner. I’ve started emptying the dishwasher, otherwise its a really challenge to the different utensils. So far, we have been lucky and has not needed any drugs but I think that may be changing. The neurologist has recommended Aricept and I think she may agree to start taking it. Every day we agree to enjoy the day because we don’t know what tomorrow brings. We have a challenge in front of us but I don’t think we understand what that challenge really entails. If you can retire, I would recommend it so you can enjoy each other’s company while you can.
Dan

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@orca59

My husband was diagnosed with MCI 3 years ago. It is so very difficult. His memory continues to slip. I work full time in healthcare and have needed to work 3 days a week from my home office now and grateful I can. He does not remember the date, month, day of week, what he had for breakfast, or how many days he has worn the same clothes. He asks me the same questions over and over sometimes within seconds of each other. He tells me it is like a curtain slowly closing before his eyes and he can't do anything about it. He cries when I need to leave the house now sometimes and is very emotional about many things. He is always afraid something will happen to me and I won't come back to take care of him. He can still do most things independently, but the memory is just not there. It is sad. I tend to stay home more and not visit nearly as much with my grandkids and kids. They try to understand, but I feel guilty leaving him alone for a few hours, and he does not want to go out anymore. Nice to have this site to help each other stay positive through this journey. He is 10 years older than I am. Still at 71 he seems too young to have this happen. It is sad. I am sad.

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What a great attitude…and long-term plan. You are very smart in caring lovingly for your wife. Best wishes.

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@dianajane

What a great attitude…and long-term plan. You are very smart in caring lovingly for your wife. Best wishes.

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Thank you so much! You are so kind….

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@tunared

My wife was initially diagnosed with MCI back in 2014 but the progression has not been fast except for the last month. My wife retired back in 2012 because of memory issues and I retired two years later. We joined a gym back in 2014 and it has been great for her. Our old gym closed down in early 2020 but we continued going for walks in the neighborhood (3-5 miles). I really believed the activity/exercise helped delay the progression. Lately, she has been having trouble knowing where to get a glass for some water or where the knives & forks are for dinner. I’ve started emptying the dishwasher, otherwise its a really challenge to the different utensils. So far, we have been lucky and has not needed any drugs but I think that may be changing. The neurologist has recommended Aricept and I think she may agree to start taking it. Every day we agree to enjoy the day because we don’t know what tomorrow brings. We have a challenge in front of us but I don’t think we understand what that challenge really entails. If you can retire, I would recommend it so you can enjoy each other’s company while you can.
Dan

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I appreciate you sharing Dan. My husband has become worse in the past few months as well. He no longer drives without me as he will get lost and I accompany him to his medical (all) appointments because he has no recall once the appointment is over. I have gotten out bikes equipped with new tires and we ride bikes and take walks. I spend my lunch hour walking or riding with him when I work from home. He also has spinal stenosis which makes much exercise difficult, but he enjoys what we do together. Our neurologist put him on Aricept a year ago. It made him very confused and seemed to make him much worse. Dr. took him off and said that happens sometimes. I have a white board for him and I write things down so he will remember things. But, lately he forgets to look at the white board. He gets very agitated easily. He actually had to retire 10 years ago since the condition interfered with his confidence level. I agree and would like to retire, but healthcare is an issue since I am only 60 and won't qualify for Medicare until 65. I have him on my employee insurance plan. I wish there was a solution to that problem. He is also a cancer survivor, so keeping his physicians is important. Thank you again for sharing, it helps. Taking one day at a time is so important. And keep smiling.

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@orca59

I appreciate you sharing Dan. My husband has become worse in the past few months as well. He no longer drives without me as he will get lost and I accompany him to his medical (all) appointments because he has no recall once the appointment is over. I have gotten out bikes equipped with new tires and we ride bikes and take walks. I spend my lunch hour walking or riding with him when I work from home. He also has spinal stenosis which makes much exercise difficult, but he enjoys what we do together. Our neurologist put him on Aricept a year ago. It made him very confused and seemed to make him much worse. Dr. took him off and said that happens sometimes. I have a white board for him and I write things down so he will remember things. But, lately he forgets to look at the white board. He gets very agitated easily. He actually had to retire 10 years ago since the condition interfered with his confidence level. I agree and would like to retire, but healthcare is an issue since I am only 60 and won't qualify for Medicare until 65. I have him on my employee insurance plan. I wish there was a solution to that problem. He is also a cancer survivor, so keeping his physicians is important. Thank you again for sharing, it helps. Taking one day at a time is so important. And keep smiling.

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Orca59
It's difficult but important to reassess your partner's condition each day. My wife will go to the grocery store (about 1/2 mile away) once a week by her self. But even with that I make sure she has her phone with her all the time when she leaves the house. I can track the phone and if she is in trouble she can call. She has called twice in the last 3 months. Once because she “lost” her debit/credit card and couldn’t pay for the groceries. I met her at the store and paid for the groceries and when we got home, I found her debit/credit card in her wallet. She was so anxious, she didn’t see the debit/credit card. The 2nd time was when she “lost” her car keys because she got anxious, she didn’t see the keys in her pocketbook.
The other day we went out to our favorite breakfast place (which we have been to at least a hundred times and is only a couple of miles away) but I asked her to drive home. After a while, I asked her where we were going and she said “I want to go home” but she didn’t know where she was 😞. We were only a couples miles from home and on a portion of the road that we have travelled hundreds of times but she just did not recognize any landmarks, stores or signs. Needless to say this is a progression that I was not expecting but I need to keep in mind as we travel in the future.
I wish there was some medication that could slow the process but from what my wife's neurologist has told us, there isn't any medications that will work for everyone with MCI.
Friends and neighbors have come up to me a few times asking if my wife is ok because she is repeating herself. I let them know she has MCI and describe her condition. I asked my wife awhile ago if it was ok to let other people know about her MCI because she knows she repeats herself and she said it was ok. Some of the neighbors stay away but the friends (true friends) still stop by.
At night, we will talk about the day's activities and see if she remembers everything. If not, I will fill her in and discuss any issues we had because of her MCI. We both think it is VERY important to keep our communication open and not hide anything. We might hide something from outsiders but not between ourselves.
Sorry for the long winded response.
Dan

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@tunared

Orca59
It's difficult but important to reassess your partner's condition each day. My wife will go to the grocery store (about 1/2 mile away) once a week by her self. But even with that I make sure she has her phone with her all the time when she leaves the house. I can track the phone and if she is in trouble she can call. She has called twice in the last 3 months. Once because she “lost” her debit/credit card and couldn’t pay for the groceries. I met her at the store and paid for the groceries and when we got home, I found her debit/credit card in her wallet. She was so anxious, she didn’t see the debit/credit card. The 2nd time was when she “lost” her car keys because she got anxious, she didn’t see the keys in her pocketbook.
The other day we went out to our favorite breakfast place (which we have been to at least a hundred times and is only a couple of miles away) but I asked her to drive home. After a while, I asked her where we were going and she said “I want to go home” but she didn’t know where she was 😞. We were only a couples miles from home and on a portion of the road that we have travelled hundreds of times but she just did not recognize any landmarks, stores or signs. Needless to say this is a progression that I was not expecting but I need to keep in mind as we travel in the future.
I wish there was some medication that could slow the process but from what my wife's neurologist has told us, there isn't any medications that will work for everyone with MCI.
Friends and neighbors have come up to me a few times asking if my wife is ok because she is repeating herself. I let them know she has MCI and describe her condition. I asked my wife awhile ago if it was ok to let other people know about her MCI because she knows she repeats herself and she said it was ok. Some of the neighbors stay away but the friends (true friends) still stop by.
At night, we will talk about the day's activities and see if she remembers everything. If not, I will fill her in and discuss any issues we had because of her MCI. We both think it is VERY important to keep our communication open and not hide anything. We might hide something from outsiders but not between ourselves.
Sorry for the long winded response.
Dan

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Hi Dan, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your words of wisdom. Please feel free to be as long winded as you wish. I appreciate someone who is going through the same experience and has some wisdom and kindness to share. THANK YOU! I have also experienced my husband sitting in the drivers seat and just looking lost. He goes no where without me as he also forgets how to get places, and more importantly, how to get home. GPS is fine, but he also forgets how to turn it on so that is no longer an option. He also has no recollection of landmarks most days. He will have good days and bad which is confusing to me, but I appreciate the good days.

I find him now sitting at the kitchen table waiting for a meal, when we just had the meal some 30 minutes before. He will get a bowl of ice cream, and 30 minutes or so later go into the kitchen and get another bowl of ice cream. He no longer (some days) remembers that he ate.

I have also been contacted (sadly) by friends and neighbors stating that my husbands conversations are, at times, inappropriate. He will sometimes say things, he thinks are funny or have nothing to do with the conversation. I also share that he has MCI and he is in agreement (as is your wife) that I share this with close friends and family. My grown children try to understand, but even for them, they seem to have stopped texting him as much. (He is step dad x 30 years now).

I love that you shared you and your wife talk at night. We do this as well in a similar way. If my husband realizes he forgot a great deal, he will get very emotional and upset. So I try to just review the day as if I am remembering and sharing. This seems to not upset him as much. I completely agree with your views of "open and honest". So very important. I love him dearly and it breaks my heart. I feel our relationship has shifted. I take care of everything now and am thankful that I can. I may be small, but I am mighty! LOL
May I ask, does your wife remember everything from long ago? My husband remembers everything from his childhood. Nothing from the past recent years. He also cries often. Get's anxious and angry often. He also has horrible nightmares and many times will wake up kicking me and crying? Our neurologist put him on a medication for this, but it made him so tired. I believe it was some type of tranquilizer. So, we discontinued it. Our neurologist also stated there is no medication to stop/help this disease process.

Thank you again for your kind words and sharing your story with me. I hope that we may continue to share. It is a blessing to know there are other's living with a loved one with MCI. Thank you and blessings to you. Janice

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@orca59

Hi Dan, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your words of wisdom. Please feel free to be as long winded as you wish. I appreciate someone who is going through the same experience and has some wisdom and kindness to share. THANK YOU! I have also experienced my husband sitting in the drivers seat and just looking lost. He goes no where without me as he also forgets how to get places, and more importantly, how to get home. GPS is fine, but he also forgets how to turn it on so that is no longer an option. He also has no recollection of landmarks most days. He will have good days and bad which is confusing to me, but I appreciate the good days.

I find him now sitting at the kitchen table waiting for a meal, when we just had the meal some 30 minutes before. He will get a bowl of ice cream, and 30 minutes or so later go into the kitchen and get another bowl of ice cream. He no longer (some days) remembers that he ate.

I have also been contacted (sadly) by friends and neighbors stating that my husbands conversations are, at times, inappropriate. He will sometimes say things, he thinks are funny or have nothing to do with the conversation. I also share that he has MCI and he is in agreement (as is your wife) that I share this with close friends and family. My grown children try to understand, but even for them, they seem to have stopped texting him as much. (He is step dad x 30 years now).

I love that you shared you and your wife talk at night. We do this as well in a similar way. If my husband realizes he forgot a great deal, he will get very emotional and upset. So I try to just review the day as if I am remembering and sharing. This seems to not upset him as much. I completely agree with your views of "open and honest". So very important. I love him dearly and it breaks my heart. I feel our relationship has shifted. I take care of everything now and am thankful that I can. I may be small, but I am mighty! LOL
May I ask, does your wife remember everything from long ago? My husband remembers everything from his childhood. Nothing from the past recent years. He also cries often. Get's anxious and angry often. He also has horrible nightmares and many times will wake up kicking me and crying? Our neurologist put him on a medication for this, but it made him so tired. I believe it was some type of tranquilizer. So, we discontinued it. Our neurologist also stated there is no medication to stop/help this disease process.

Thank you again for your kind words and sharing your story with me. I hope that we may continue to share. It is a blessing to know there are other's living with a loved one with MCI. Thank you and blessings to you. Janice

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I can relate…my mom has the same issues…it is heartbreaking…I have no advice but to share my mantra with you….patience, compassion and love.

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