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My husband has only weeks to live
My husband & I just found out that he has only weeks to live. He only took sick a little over three weeks ago. We found out just a week ago that he had colon, liver, lung & bone cancer. Then four days later (Monday that just past) we were told that he only had weeks to live. After the shock wore off, and the tears still flowed, I asked about months.They then took some more blood work, at which time they said the results would tell them for sure. a little over an hour later they confirmed it would be just a matter of weeks. He is in liver failure.
I have been trying my best to support him, however, I myself became disabled 8 years ago & he has been my only support all of these years! I have a chronic, incurable nerve condition that leaves me in severe and constant pain.
I can never seem to say the right thing. I hesitate to bring things up that need to be taken care of ASAP (i.e. a DNR) among other legal matters, despite us both being advised by both the Oncologist as well as the Palletive Care nurse. When I wait for him to mention something he discusses it but then actions nothing. I am afraid that he will end up getting too ill to address these things. How do I get him moving to ensure that we have all of our matters taken care of???
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@overwhelmed - what a shock this must be for both you and your husband. I encourage you to explore this website Virtual Hospice http://virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home.aspx
Reading through the articles in Topics and Asked & Answered, you soon find that many find communication at the end of life to be difficult, but possible. For example, see the answers that the palliative care team offer other people who have faced very similar situations as you and husband do.
Here are a few specific links to get you started
Communication with the patient: http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Support/Support/Asked+and+Answered/Communication/Communicating+with+the+Patient.aspx
http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics.aspx
I really like the advice offered in this extract "Our society generally discourages talk about death, dying and illness. For some people this kind of discussion is most difficult with family. You can try several strategies to help your [husband] open up and talk. It’s possible that no matter what you try your [husband] may be unwilling to talk. This can be hard for you, and if it is, it may help to tell him so. Unless he knows, he may not realize that talking will help you and him."
We're here to talk any time you need to.
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1 ReactionSo very hard to hear that. Please take care
Over whelmed: My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband and<br />
family. I know it's easy for me to say words of encouragement and prayers<br />
when I have never experienced anything thing of that magnitude. If you need<br />
friends to vent to, I'm sure you would find that others on this post would<br />
agree, we are here for you. Looks and prayers salena<br />
<br />
salena<br />
Thank you very much Colleen..for the information, sites and support. I am sure I will be back, if not before than for sure after his passing.
Thank you once again.
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1 ReactionThank you Salena & to everyone else. It actually does make a difference to me (that you offer your support) that complete strangers are so compassionate. Humanity still does exist!!
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1 ReactionOverwhelmed: Please private message me. I would love to mail you and your husband, each one of you a prayer cloth if you wouldnt mind, and it wouldnt affend you are your husband, That is the last thing I would want to do. If you dont mind please send me your address by private message. Love and prayers Salena
What a lovely offering Salena.
Please note that I removed your personal email address from your message. We recommend not sharing personal contact information publicly on the forum. We don't want you getting unwanted spam etc. Instead we recommend using the private message function within Connect.
To private message another member, simply click their @username and the click the envelope icon to open the private message box. Please let me know if you have any questions.
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1 ReactionCollen: Thank you so much. I never thought about it. I am really touched by<br />
this sight. I feel like my sickness and pain is so small to what I have<br />
witnessed in each post. I think in having this link is a great thing and a<br />
blessing. Wish I could do more!<br />
<br />
salena<br />
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Prayers for you and your family. <br />
<br />
Sent on my Samsung Galaxy S® 5 Sport
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1 ReactionOverwhelmed, please accept my deepest sympathy with your current situation. My heart goes out to you and your husband. Approach the Pallative Care Nurse again. Make a list of the things you and your husband need to do ASAP. Then list action steps for each one. See how much, if any, she can assist with. You will bey in a much better place when they are done. I will pray for you and your husband. Sincerely Riverqueen1305
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