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My child is 5 and has ADHD and ODD - suggestions? I need help!

Posted by @jfennell in About Kids & Teens, Jul 26, 2011

Tonight she physically fought me. She got caught at one am, busting in a locked cabinet. I found scissors, and grease in her pillow, some lotion or something all over her face and hair. barbie hair everywhere. I have also a two yr old, and 8 month old twins. My daughter is well aware of the dangers of what's under the sink coupled with my other younger kids. Busting locked cabinets is a battle I choose to take on for the safety of all.
Because I was upset, I put her in shower, and stripped her bed and cleaned up debris (barbie hair and grease paper). I explained she would get her discipline after her shower. We discipline biblically in our home. Busting cabinet locks is grounds for discipline. Most days time out and redirection is all that's needed. every two weeks or so she goes crazy for 48 hours until we get to the rules she breaks like harming family members, lying and stealing, busting through locked doors and cabinets.
Tonight she physically fought me when it was time for her discipline. I had to wrestle her to the ground to stop from kicking at least three times. She is 5!!!
I need help, her psychiatrist and therapist are not doing anything.
I don't know what to do. This could get real ugly as she ages.

Tags: mental health


Posted by @amcrabtree143, Jul 26, 2011

My daughter is the same age and i have been going through the same things. one thing my daughters therapist told me i could do is a chip system (rewards system) every time i see her doing something good then i praise her but instead of using good girl or bad girl she said to describe what they did and you choose how many chips they get ( ie: poker chips) then you put them in a jar and she can save them up. then you have a board that has different things on it that she can get when she cashes in her chips like 15 more mins of play time or something like that. another thing was if i ask her to pick up her toys and she doesnt then i should ask her "you can either pick up your toys or go to time out" if they choose time out then do it for a few minutes and when they get out u give them the option again either pick up the toys or have another time out. i am just starting this with my little girl and it seems to be helping. one thing is though we started with three important rules first to get her used to the system there is absolutley no being violent twards others. that is grounds for automatic time out but the other rule is she can get a warning the first time and then do time out. its hard for me because i suffer from adhd as well and when you have a child with a disibility and you have one it is really hard. i hope that helps good luck


Posted by @jfennell, Jul 26, 2011

I gave tried rewards, we used play money to incorporate it in our school lessons. It doesn't phase her. Basically we end up searching for something good because she gets negative points. Ugh.
I also know right where you are because I have ADHD/ADD as well. Good thing for me my degree is in Education so I've learned alot about it for myself and for her. But the physical - is not something I'm ready to handle.
I suppose we can try the rewards again.


Posted by @psyched, Jul 26, 2011

Sorry to hear that you are dealing with son also had ADHD and ODD, but we didn't see much of this sort of behavior with it...He just got into EVERYTHING!!LOL...which drove me nuts! But never fighting or hitting anyone, unless accidentally during one of his hyperactive antics and even then he'd say, "I'm sorry" or "excuse me". But I think that even with this disorder he knew where to draw the line because my husband wasn't having any extremely bad or dangerous behavior...while on the other hand I was the softy, and noticed that the bad behavior always seemed to escalate when he and I were together alone, without dad.LOL...I have a friend that's a nurse whose patient had both these disorders and she told me the little boy was way out of control...she said he'd jump on the roof of the car when his parent's came to pick him up, he'd injure his little brother, punch his parent's...I was like "oh wow!"...She ended up telling the mom that my friend (me) has a son with these disorders and he behaves nothing like that...even his teachers would tell me that even with him having such a disorder he was the sweetest kid...I'm not condoning spanking at all here...I wasn't a spanker, but my husband was...but I could definitely see the difference in how the kids treated me vs how they treated him...he got the "yes sir, no sir"...while I received "yeah" and "nope" :-/...I also found that my time with them was much more chaotic and difficult...I was completely worn out and stressed out by the time I'd return home, while my husband would come back from an outing with them still full of life and vigor.LOL ....But also, my son LOVED video games, so sometimes it simply meant taking that away from him...we would also reward him for good behavior during the week by letting him go to the video store and rent a few games over the just have to find what works for you and your family...keep at it!'s funny now, but I remember when our son would misbehave at school, the staff would say "call dad!"LOL...But when they did...they'd say "after that, we had noooo problem for the rest of the day out of him."LOL...My issue with spanking was that I felt that my kids wouldn't love me if I spanked, but I noticed that it NEVER changed the way they felt about their dad...they'd still run up to him, jump into his lap, say they're going with him to the store, tell him they loved him, if he was working out of town they'd cry and miss him all the same....And here I was thinking that he was going to ruin his relationship with them...But I actually found that they still loved and respected him...While they just loved me, I got no respect.:-(LOL

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Posted by @justct40, Jul 26, 2011

I would say get a new therapist. My daughter had similar issues--very violent--and getting her talking to the right person made all the difference. We also had ways for her to get out her aggression. When she started to get upset, she had paper to tear up and pillows to punch. Also we started her in tennis, so she got running and hitting things as a work out. It really helped! And remember that she gets physical because she isn't in control, not because she is trying to hurt you. An emotional response from you just makes things worse. (Easier said than done, I know.) To offer some daughter is amazing now at 14. Another thing you might try is a supplement called PS300. It helps with brain function and helps many ADD kids--and adults! I take it too. 🙂


Posted by @yin73, Jul 28, 2011

My son is now 12 and I found that taking things away and making him earn is a much better punishment then time out (they get used to it and its no big deal to them) and even popping him on the butt. Sometimes when she is in a rage the best thing you can do is to hold her (when my son was her age we had to wrap our body around his to get him to stop and it worked). He is currently in the hospital for a violent rage and will be home this week. We will be starting Intensive Inhome therapy as that is where most of his rages occur. He is fine outside of the home on that regard.

Also a good thing to try (and what we currently are setting up as well) Is to get a jar (you can even get one she can decorate) and get about 50 or so marbles. What you do is make a list of bad behavior she will be penalized for and good behavior that she will be rewarded for. Then at the bottom you put what she can earn for say 10 marbles, 20 marbles and so on. You start the week with 30 Marbles and them add or subtract accordingly

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Posted by @deanna97, Sep 24, 2011

my daughter had adhd when she was 7 know she is 14 its hard but u have to stay strong its not easy being a mom and not with our kids my daughter now has bipolar adhd matic depression and kleptomaniac .....its hard but remainder u r the mom


Posted by @deliasanderson, Nov 14, 2011

nikki, i like your replies, especially the last two sentences. thx


Posted by @grammytammy, Mar 26, 2012

My 4 year old grandson has bouts with anger. He hits, bites, spits, pulls hair, throws things, etc. He also tells the ones he loves (mother, grandmother, etc.) that he doesn't love them or doesn't want to ever come to their house again. My son and his wife have taken him off of foods that may have an affect on his behavior. Today we took him to the Dr. and he was prescribed Tenex. Any thoughts??

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