MDD with psychotic features will I ever be the same after psychosis?

Posted by grace16 @grace16, Feb 15 3:39am

I’ve had depression and anxiety almost my entire life which got significantly worse after my divorce 10 years ago. I stopped taking care of myself, as excited as I was to take on my new chapter in life the stress, fear, guilt, and shame I felt was overwhelming. My life changed in a flash and I found myself in fight or flight mode constantly nearly every day for almost 5 years. Then Covid hit and the fear, seclusion and uncertainty began distorting “my reality” and eventually led to a complete break from what was real and what I thought was real. I was eventually taken to the hospital transferred to a behavioral health care facility. Where I was told I had a reaction to my medication’s. I was put on antipsychotics and antidepressants and began CBD therapy. I was doing really well until the next year at the exact same time second break second hospital stay no one would leave me alone. I had people following me checking everything in my home. I couldn’t relax I couldn’t heal, and I found myself in the hospital again after being released I was dropped off at my house and there I sat for days no medication no support no plan and no one would talk to me. I lost physical custody of my child a few days after I return home six weeks later I received an email terminating my position at work as the months went on. I struggled to manage my mental health, lethargy and cognitive effects of the new antipsychotic while trying to get custody reinstated and trying to get a job during COVID. I Lost my insurance and had to spend nearly $1200 a month out-of-pocket just to cover prescription costs. Eventually, I lost my home and with that the last “boot” had fallen. I had lost everything. Moving on it’s been 4 years since my last psychotic episode and I have no lingering psychotic effects, fear or paranoia. I’ve been off the antipsychotics for more than 2 years now I live on my own in a new city, I have a great job with a great company and despite taking 3 antidepressants every day I feel depressed nearly all the time. I struggle to find motivation, I struggle with brain fog, concentration and fatigue and it’s hard to get out of bed sometimes and difficult to make decisions. My house is a mess and some of my bills have fallen behind, I feel inadequate and often a disappointment to everyone in my life and the worst part is I haven’t felt like myself in years especially since my last break.

I am desperately trying to regain my confidence and sense of self and I’m worried that I will never be the same again.

Does anyone else struggle to bounce back? Has anyone recovered from this condition?
Are there any doctors, support groups, or treatments out there to help people bounce back from this?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

celia16 | @celia16 | Feb 15 5:36am

I can’t really address the medical issues you are dealing with. You sure have experienced a lot of major challenges. I am amazed at your resiliency! My goodness, you really worked hard to regain stability. I hope you’ll get input on additional resources to help you feel better.

When I have dealt with adversity, I found talk therapy helped me. Additionally, a work out schedule helped me feel fit and have more energy and confidence. When I do my best, I feel proud of my attempts. I won’t feel guilty for getting sick or needing help. When we do our best, that’s all we can do. I won’t be defined by my shortcomings or health conditions. Each day I try to do something to help a person in need. Each day I feel stronger. I’m dealing with post covid issues too, but improving a lot.

Best wishes with everything. I hope you can find options that help.

Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Feb 15 11:22am

@grace16 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect, and to this amazing support group!

Reading your post, it sounds to me like you are doing a lot to re-establish your life, new city, new job, etc. That all takes time. And finding a new group of acquaintances that you might want to expand into friends, can be a challenge, right? Do you have a hobby that you want to expand on? A book club, a watercoloring group, even a walking group. If you do social media, I have seen on Facebook the opportunity to look at events of all kinds happening in your area, that you could look at and perhaps check out.

What past is past. What you have related shows me that you can do this, you can move forward! Does your employer have an EAP [employee assistance program]? Confidential, they can help guide you towards one-on-one or group setting support. Or, check with your prescribing Dr about referrals. You owe it to yourself to be gentle on yourself, small steps at a time. Clean one room. or set a timer for 20 minutes, to pick up the house. Sit down with your finances and figure out what to approach first. Do you have a trusted friend there you can talk to, who won't judge you?
Ginger

kathymj | @kathymj | Feb 16 10:13am

To GRACE 16
Are you my daughter? omg, identical story almost.
Finally when she was let go from a new job of 8 days, she was let go…due to the fact that she had missed 2 days work in that time due to severe anxiety attacks. She has been on anti depressants for many years already. By the way she is 49 years old. One daughter. Moved out of house, marriage, child, pets…her whole life actually!
After having many discussion with her about getting therapy of some kind, which she denied she didn’t need, I jumped on the miracle of her being let go of her job and decided this was a perfect time to advise her to get some help again. She was finally in a state of mind and a BIG BLACK HOLE, that gave ne the chance to get to her! I was ready with all my ammunition to go at her.
OH MY GOODNESS! What a relief and joy to have her say she was ready for help‼️

Thank the Lord we were already familiar with a place that could help her.
You see her 11 year old daughter was starting to act out and showing signs of anxiety and depression and self harm due to living with a mother who has the same conditions.

ROGER’s BEHAVIORAL CLINIC❤️ the daughter did 6-8 weeks there on a daily basis 8-3 five days a week. She has become the most confident young girl and now has lots of TOOLS to help her get through her days and high school coming up. She is an amazing person now. And due to her success, I now will always be grateful and thankful for that ROGER’s program.

So to continue mt daughter story, she decided now she would try this program also. She went the first week for 3 days and today is the first day of the second week there.

She was scared to go there alone, but toughened herself and walked in the door. She immediately felt a sense of relief when she saw several women of her age and some younger like 18 and up. Any age are welcome and different problems can be help there.

She was extremely surprised and loved the place and the progrsm. She found her place of HOPE! Each day she learned so much about herself and her problems and had ways to start using her new TOOLS. I KNOW ITS ONLY THE STARTING POINT FOR HER AND SO DOES SHE! But wow, is all we feel right now. What a blessing for her.

I hope all of my many words will help in some way to get you started on your NEW journey to getting help for YOU. I’m praying for you and all of the many, many people going through this epidemic in our world.

God bless you. Let me know if you have ant other info you need please.
Kathymj