Lost my daughter to suicide will be 2 years ago in 2 days

@barelyhere1 I am sorry that you are going through this. I know this is a tough time as our minds and our bodies seem to remember our worst anniversaries. I do not know if there is anything I can say that can provide any relief other than it is ok to mourn. It is then we can find our greatest strength.

I hope you get some time with your children and grandchildren in the coming days. Finding our purpose can help with the pain. With hugs, Mike.

@barelyhere1 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. As @mikekennedy759 said, there are no words.

In the next few days, take time to write a letter to your daughter, to comfort yourself with healthy food, some exercise. Let your children and grandchildren know that it is okay to mourn, to feel grief, and gather as a family to remember her. They are remembering also, and feeling grief. It's a normal process, and there is no timeline for reaching certain stages.

If you feel drawn to seek out professional help, that may be a way to figure out how you will get through this and cope. There is nothing saying you need to forget her, and being able to honor her in a way that she might have found meaningful may indeed be a huge positive in your grief. Could you do that? What would you think about doing?
Ginger

I wish I could say anything to help. Losing a child is immeasurable grief. I myself am going through it. I lost my daughter to cancer on New Years Eve. Hers was cancer, although she had attempted suicide several times before she got sick. I never had any idea it would hurt like this. Or that at night especially it feels as if my mind is trying to gaslight me with blame and what ifs. I am more than willing to speak with another mother feeling this kind of loss. Please feel free to talk to me.

My heart aches for you and can only imagine the grief you feel. I feel some good advise has been given, I would just offer yourself grace. It’s okay to grieve and feel the pain and there is nothing that says there is a timeline of how that should look, therefore, it will look different for each of your family members. Try to be with your other family members, remember the positive things about your daughter’s life, and give your heart the time and space it needs to start to heal. Time does not heal all wounds, but I will say, time does start to lessen the pain caused by those wounds. I hope you have or would consider seeking a counselor. Someone that you can be raw and honest with. Someone who can guide you and give you tools to move forward. My counselor, of 7 years now, has taught me so much and given me tools to deal with my grief and hurt and every day life. Some days, I take it one day at a time. Others, I take one hour at a time. There are even days, I really have to focus on just the next 5 mins and what I need to do to get through them and when I do, I focus on the next 5, then I realize, I just made it through another day. I am much stronger and for the first time in my life, I have hope. I pray you find this. Sending hugs and love your way.

What gets me through my brother's suicide is saying:
How lucky I am to have known somebody that saying goodbye to was so damn awful.

So sorry. I lost my dad to suicide when I was 13. It's not easy and doesn't get easier, 😕 you learn to live with out them but they are always there. Hugs and prayers you find peace

I lost my daughter on March 2, 2011, to suicide as a result of a mental illness that was erasing her as a person. She couldn't recognize herself, she lost herself, she disappeared. We lived together for her entire life, I almost got her to age 24, she was a month short. I fought this illness from the time I knew it was there, when she was a little girl, and therapists and child psychiatrists couldn't tell me what I was seeing. I gave her a fantastic childhood, if I had been raised that way I would have graduated from Harvard and cured cancer.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm a very strong independent woman and a single mother BY CHOICE. I had her at my age 40. She was the love of my life. I always treated her as a unique person, not an infant, toddler, preschooler, preteen, teen, she was herself, a person. She was beautiful and smart, started drawing (really drawing, not scribbling) at age three, wrote a novel at age twelve, was a wonderful affectionate child who never did one thing wrong except for the dyregulation of emotions which came with her illness. The illness the mental health professionals kept telling me wasn't there. Her grades were so high, her ACT score was so high, Johns Hopkins invited her to a special camp in DC when she was in 6th grade. By the time she got to junior year in high school, she already had college credits. She was funny, had her own unique sense of humor. We loved each other. I fought for her life when she wasn't able to. But I lost her that day in a horrific and shocking way. I put myself into the hospital that day because I needed someone to keep me safe. I wish I hadn't. I should have gone upstairs, taken my handgun out of the safe, and shot myself.

I admin a group of 3,000 people on FB who have lost children this way, to mental illness, to suicide. Some of these children were ten years old or slightly older. Most of them were about the same age my daughter was, 23, 24, 25. Some were a little older. We're all destroyed. None of us can live one day in peace. Not one of us can enjoy anything, behave as we used to, be in "normal" company, have conversations with people whose lives aren't obliterated by horror. We can barely function in society. Other people abandon us. Other people, even relatives or spouses, even siblings (I have no other children), want us to GET OVER IT because this pain is a monster, this pain has made of us the haunted, permanently scarred and emotionally disabled shadow of our former selves. The name of this group is Grieving The Child I Lost To Suicide. You can scream there, you can beg for help, you can tell us how you feel when you feel it. Someone is always listening.

You are not alone.

Thank you I will look for that

I know I do need to be in therapy and medication it may help can't hurt as long as they don't commit me when I speak my true feelings I went once after she died but they wanted me to go inpatient for awhile to get medicated faster so I did not go back in fear of them putting me in against my will do not want to live but I will not do anything to bring more pain to my other children I'm so tired of all the pain life has brought me tired of being strong all I wanted was to finally have some form of content with my life but instead it only got worse can not imagine being here looking back 10-15 years thinking how long I had to live without her but I know when my time is over I have 2 kids that is going to hurt and that hurts my heart too but I do know this pain is soul breaking and I would not remain in this life to ever go through it double I could not go on will not the phone call from my oldest child having to call and tell me is burned into my brain I hear it all the time every second of that whole night is if I ever receive another like that I will leave then could not take it again

I have been writing her since the day she left me,that's the only outlet that gives any form of helping that I've found or done. I have no close friends left they've all passed the ones around can't handle my pain the whole suicide part scares people away some avoid me cause they don't know how to be around me now they feel like they should be able to help but I know they can't don't expect them to there's no magic word or action that will ever bring her back and that is the only way to heal my heart it would just meant so much if 1 person had just held me one of these times I'm crying if 1 person had just said I got you had took some of the weight of life off my shoulders if just for a min had just called or come by to just let me know they are there for me but I walk this nightmare alone even with a so called partner who should've and still should be my support but he failed me and still is with the excuse he don't know what to say or do if I was in a better position I would leave or he would one