Looking to understand

Welcome, @reech70. As a parent, we will always worry. I'm tagging @dsjohnston53 who supports their young adult child in transition too.

This is an older discussion, but I wonder if some of the comments and resources posted might be helpful for you:
- What's an ally? How can I help improve a patient transitioning? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/whats-an-ally-how-can-allies-help-improve-a-patient-transitioning/

Just remember, your support is priceless.

Thank you for the link from past discussions. I am trying to be understanding. Which is difficult at times, because selfishly I'm concerned that my child will become sterile and omit any possible opportunities to have biological children. Or what happens with botched surgeries or they realize later in years they made a mistake with the choice.? Could this be a rebellion against an over bearing father which whom I have been divorced 8 years? Is it possible to be the result of doing what's "cool" or trendy?
And Please understand I am not trying to be ignorant with my comments or concerns, I do feel they are genuine to many parents.- This is my only child. As a parent we want our kids to be happy, productive, kind people. But deep down we do want our children to have children of their own... I understand adoption is an option and children of their own my never be wanted- but now the HRT eliminates that chance? - And what about physical changed? And defiantly social issues!? So many things. - Thanks for "listening"

I'm glad you're trying to understand. I found this quote from Cesar A. Gonzalez, Ph.D., L.P., Psychiatry and Psychology, at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota:
"Some people erroneously think transgender patients make a choice to change their gender. Rather, it's about confirming their identity and wanting to live authentically. Being transgender indicates diversity, not pathology. Our goal is to relieve the distress associated with the incongruence between their gender identity and physical body." Read more here: https://www.mayoclinic.org/medical-professionals/endocrinology/news/mayo-clinics-transgender-and-intersex-specialty-care-clinic-provides-a-home-base-for-transgender-patients-and-those-with-differences-of-sexual-development/mac-20502820

An essential part of transitioning is supportive counseling. Is your child being cared for at a Transgender Specialty Care Clinic?

You can read about the Transgender and Intersex Specialty Care Clinic at Mayo here: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/gender-dysphoria/care-at-mayo-clinic/mac-20475281
.
Care involves many specialties and disciplines. This can include counseling for parents and allies who are supporting your child in their journey. Do you have access to counseling where you can ask frank questions, be open about mourning your loss of what you thought the future would be with grandchildren, and express your concerns and fears?

Again, thank you for your help and kindness. The area I live in has limited access to my knowledge thus far... im still searching. I'm in St. Louis, MO... so if any suggestions are out there please offer. Its one of those catch 22 things- if you don't know where to look or what to ask, then you don't know .

Harvesting and freezing eggs is typical for FAB who transitions. It's a relatively common practice today.
There are also a number of private Facebook sites specifically developed for parents of transgender children. You can find links to others who are in a similar point in their life.
I would also recommend both you and your child reach out to a therapist with training in LGBTQIA+ counseling. To ensure the therapist is qualified, ask if they are fully credentialed by WPATH - the internationally-recognized professional sanctioning body for transgender care.

THANK YOU

Hi I have been down the same road. However I started cross dressing when I was 10 tried on pantyhose when I was 5. I got married have two great kids now divorced as I kept cross dressing and wanted to have gay sex. I had women’s toys and my wife knew I had a full wardrobe as a women. This was just something I always wanted but I wanted to really try a homosexual relationship. I got divorced and finally did it and I knew I was transgender and a homosexual. I’m glad I finally did I really wish I could have expressed my feminine side when I was a kid. I really learned a lot and now want to fully transition I’m now 49 just wish I was able to come out and enjoy being a woman.

Welcome, Kelly! I also invite you to join @jeri444 and @dsjohnston53 in this discussion:
- M to F surgery https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/m-to-f-surgery/

Members often use @names to address other members. Send me a message using this form with 3 options if you would like me to change your username 🙂 https://connect.mayoclinic.org/contact-a-community-moderator/

Hi, Kelly,
I'm a 70 year old transgender woman, in a committed relationship with my wife (23 years together, 15 years married and renewed our vows last year). I've known since I was in second grade that I was "different" from all the other boys I knew. I was totally in the closet until two years ago, when my egg cracked and I explained to my spouse the nature of my situation. I was diagnosed as "gender non-conforming (old school diagnosis)" in 1997 when I was being treated for severe depression and alcoholism. My response to the diagnosis was to immediately grow a beard and hide deeper in my misery.
Today, I live 100% as a lesbian woman. I began HRT 22 months ago and after leaving two different endocrinologists who were completely unqualified to treat me. I'm finally on track hormonally after meeting with a WPATH-certified physician.
Understand going in, that transitioning late in life has inherent risks.
There is virtually zero research on geriatric transgender care. I know because I've been researching this topic diligently for five years and my best friend from high school (also Best Man at our weddings) is a recently retired Endocrinologist who concurs with my findings (or lack there of). My recommendation is to work only with WPATH-certified medical professionals. Based on my experience, they are the ONLY people qualified to treat us. Good luck on your transition, dear.

@bobbie4481, how coincidental that you mention the lack of research on geriatric transgender care. You're right. I saw coincidental because I wanted to make you and others in the group aware of the opportunity to help shape research at Mayo Clinic.

I'm working with Mayo Clinic researchers to gather input from Mayo Clinic Connect members like you in an anonymous survey specifically for older sexual and gender diverse individuals with a serious or chronic illness. You can read more details in a post I made here:
- LGBTQI+ persons with a serious illness: New Mayo Research Survey https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/lgbtqi-persons-with-a-serious-illness-new-mayo-research-survey/