Longest Stint as Caregiver

Posted by pchap @pchap, 6 days ago

My wife of 54 years has been having ever increasing issues which require more and more care. I have been the only person caring for her since 2023. My daily routine consists of caring for her by myself. I never even get to talk with anyone. No one in the family ever gives me a break, or even comes over to sit with my wife and I. From what I read, my length of service for my wife is well over what is recommended. What do you say? I'm dealing with depression daily and don't see any place to turn for help.

Forgot to add. We live with our adult daughter who never does any kind of companionship time with her mom, not to mention the rest of the family.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | 6 days ago

Hi, @pchap I’m Scott and I was my wife’s sole caregiver for her entire 14+ year war.

All I can say is I lived by the AA mantra of “one day at a time”.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

dlssell | @dlssell | 6 days ago

So very sorry to hear this…keep going day by day giving the best care to your wife that you’re able to give…and be thankful that you can help her through this cruel disease…

leeleip | @leeleip | 6 days ago

@pchap
I don’t know how you’ve done this for so long. At 7 months and counting I feel my sanity slipping. When you say you’re caring for her by yourself, I totally get it. I do the same for my mom. I truly think people don’t understand what that means until they’ve lived it. Literally every single moment.
I just started last week with a companion coming in for 3 hours two times a week. I haven’t been able to relax into that yet. But I’m hoping I will.
So recently I found out Medicare will now pay for an aide to come into your home if your wife’s Dr says it is a hardship for her to leave the home. I have to pay out of pocket because there are no home aides in my area that will come without a nurse or therapist. But please, take the 5 minutes when she’s asleep and call Medicare, if that is your insurance.
Please for your own sake, assign a day every week for a few hours that your daughter takes over. Please don’t ask for it at this point, tell her that is what you need.
Angels come in all sizes. I believe caregivers are angels on earth. You may be the biggest angel of all.
Please take care of yourself and reach out anywhere for help. Love yourself a little bit too

ocdogmom | @ocdogmom | 5 days ago

Welcome to this webpage. It has helped me immeasurably to know that I can express my feelings-anger, fear, depression, grief on this site and not be judged but rather receive support and helpful comments and ideas. But this is only one way to help yourself (and your wife indirectly). Please find out as much as you can about dementia. The various types, the different stages, the symptoms of each stage. I did and it gave me a sense of control over my situation with my husband's vascular dementia. Knowledge is power. Most of us caregivers feel like we don't have any power over this devastating disease. We don't but with knowledge we do obtain we have the power to create a plan to deal with our specific situation. I highly recommend going to Teepa Snow's website: Positive Approach to Caregiving. I took the Champion courses (4 live online sessions) that gave me so much valuable information about positive caregiving for my husband AND how to recognize my emotions and how to deal with them. I urge you to give yourself the benefit of this knowledge. It is a way of taking care of yourself. God bless you for all that you do for your wife. You are doing God's work here on earth.

DanL | @tunared | 4 days ago

I'm over 14 years in the battle and my biggest saving grace has been Easter Seals day care. Here in NH they are a life saver for me. She goes to Easter Seals 3 days a week from 9 to 3 and even though I miss her, it's nice to be able to go to the local coffee shop for a cup of Joe or take our dog on a 2-3 mile walk in the woods. I hope you can find a similar setup like Easter Seals in your neighborhood, they are a God send. I'm in a similar battle for over 14 years and It's an awesome night when I finish cooking and we sit down for dinner and my wife of 57 years knows who I am! Those nights are few and far between . Her MD has told me she should be in a memory care unit but I don't think I could live without her in the house. I guess I'm selfish that way. I don't think anyone making $10-$20 an hour can take care of her better than me.