Is there any hope for me?

Posted by roodillon @roodillon, Aug 17 1:38pm

I am a 61 year old man in relatively good health. Eight months ago I had double pneumonia and was in ICU for around three weeks, including ten days on a ventilator. While on the ventilator I had all of the nightmares and hallucinations that people report. There were several different scenarios playing out in my mind while I was on the ventilator and all of them were terrifying. It was extremely traumatic at the time. However this did not follow me home. I did not have any nightmares or anything else. I was happy to be home. After that I never gave my traumatic experience any more thought. Why would I? It was over. I was no longer in the hospital, I knew those nightmares were not real, I was glad to be home. I had been in ICU for weeks before, after a motorcycle accident in 2015, and I had no issues after I was released.
So why, eight months later, am I suddenly consumed by anxiety to the point o

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Intensive Care (ICU) Support Group.

roodillon | @roodillon | Aug 17 1:42pm

So why, eight months later, am I suddenly consumed by anxiety to the point of being pretty much non-functional? I also slowly acquired an eating disorder. I went four days without eating last week. I really feel like I will never recover. I am starting to wish they didn't save my life, that it would have been better if I never walked out of that hospital.

bigbon | @bigbon | Aug 18 2:59pm

I read your question and first of all I want to say I am sorry you are experiencing these problems. For what it's worth, take some time and do some research on PICS - Post Intensive Care Syndrome. My husband was in ICU for 2 months after a surgery mishap. I was given information from the Mayo Rochester ICU staff on PICS. For some people, PICS can be dehabiliting while others have no problems at all from an ICU stay. I believe that 2 years after his surgery he still has lingering sypmtoms. Wishing you the best and know I'm sending prayers your way.

kb2014 | @kb2014 | Aug 19 12:17am

I had bacterial meningitis of my brain may 2014. I too was intubated. My heart stopped so I was coded. You could have ptsd now. I had a lot of trauma recovery therapy. I would suggest therapy and trying to educate yourself on the effects of trauma on the brain and nervous system. The fight flight fear fawn response. Triggers that would be pertinent to you. Yes you can get better. I did. You have had a life changing event.

Rosemary, Volunteer Mentor | @rosemarya | Aug 19 8:22pm

@roodillon, Yes! There is hope for you.
Welcome. It is good that you have joined Connect because I can see that you have already been offered support and encouragement from other Connect members who are sharing their own experiences.
Although my experience is different from yours, I spent a couple weeks in ICU before my liver/kidney transplant in 2009 and I remember experiencing strong emotional reaction to not knowing what had occured during my critically ill times when I was mostly asleep.

Here is an article that I would like to share. I like it because it provides some steps that one can take to lessen the impact of the negative emotional effects of critical illness. I hope that you will find some of the tips to be helpful to you.
-Breaking it Down: Post Intensive Care Syndrome and Recovery - Emotions
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/pics/newsfeed-post/breaking-it-down-post-intensive-care-syndrome-and-recovery-emotions/
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@roodillon, Have you discussed your anxiety and its effect on you with your health care provider or
mental health practitioner?