Intimacy and cancer

Nancy, Intimacy in cancer survivors is an important and often overlooked issue. Mayo Clinic has a unigue clinic (the Menopause and Women's Sexual Health Clinic) at Mayo in Rochester, MN. There experts also at Mayo in Jacksonville and Arizona.
We have a multidisciplinary clinic including with medical providers, a sex therapist, stress management, and psychologist with a focus on sexual health issues in cancer survivors. We receive frequent referrals from medical, radiation, and gynecological oncology.
The Urology department at Mayo in Rochester also has a Men's Sexual Health Clinic.
Carol L. Kuhle, D.O., MPH
Director, MWSHC
Mayo Clinic, Rochester, MN
507-266-9234 for an appointment

That is one place I am now in fear of , The intimacy. My wife starts chemo and then radiation in a couple of weeks how do I support her and at the same time give her the space that she needs ???

I think the suggestion to define what intimacy one would like is a good one. Culturally we've a lot of conflicting messages around sex and intimacy, and that can make it difficult, at best, to find help, or even talk about it with your partner. For a variety of reasons, my partner and I haven't had intercourse in several years, but we still kiss one another many times during the day, and we sleep naked together, and I've checked in often to see if these things are satisfying enough. They are for us, along with masturbation (which is still so taboo!). I hope @katehedderich knows that each partnership is unique, and whatever the two of you decide together what works for you is a-okay. I wish the best for both of you!

Thanks.

@jeffreyhoward Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect, I am glad you found us and have posed this quandary you are in.
I hope that you will have read the response posted by @valentinaz, by now. It has some very simple truths in those words. I am an active cancer patient, going in to my 8th round of chemo.

The millstone of a cancer diagnosis, then treatments can weigh so heavily on the patient. Knowing your spouse/partner is concerned for how to offer support is a big deal, as that support can be defined in so many levels. Daily tasks, cooking up tempting meals when nothing seems appealing, being the chauffeur for errands and appointments, running interference for well-meaning family and friends when you feel like curling up on the couch. All those, to me, spell "support", and there are many more examples, no doubt. You haven't mentioned what form of cancer your wife has, and if she has communicated what she would like from you. This is a journey that you take together. Are you open to share a bit more with me, and we can help you understand your all-inportant role?
Ginger

@jeffreyhoward,

Everyone's needs are different. Just be there for her, at the start and through her entire journey.

Sometimes the littles things will have the most impact. Her tastes will change, if she is craving something, bring it home and surprise her. My mom craved milk shakes, a friend's husband only wanted to eat French toast.

Few misc suggestions:
- As fatigue sets in, she may feel guilty about not being able to do what she did before. If your not into cleaning and can afford, hire someone.
- Treat her to pedicure or manicure. Maybe even have one yourself.
- If she is not up to activities, take her for a drive just to get out of house. While I was doing treatments seemed my life revolved around trips back and forth to clinic. Nice to do something else.

And take care of yourself. Your not going to be able to help her if your are not taking care of yourself.

Laurie

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Thank You Laurie , 🤙😎🙏

Hi @jeffreyhoward Mu wife fought her brain cancer battle for over 14 years. With her, intimacy meant my being in the room with her, nothing more. So this may be a unique journey for you and your partner. Also one thing I learned quickly was to not assume anything with her. Her cancer gave her such feelings of no control in life I learned to ask what she’d like for everything; clothing choice, nightgown, food, beverage, etc. Her having those inputs were extremely important to her especially as she realized the many things that she couldn’t advise on or control.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

🤙😎🙏