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When is it safe to be intimate After Chemo/Immunotherapy Treatments?

Posted by sdvilligan @sdvilligan, Jan 28 1:03pm

Hopefully this type of question is acceptable and won't trigger anyone. My husband has started chemo/immunotherapy treatments for his BC. He had TURBT surgery in December and has muscle invasive carcinoma that has metastisized to some pelvic lymph nodes. No cancer was seen anywhere else on PETscan. He will have his bladder, prostate, and lymph nodes removed after chemo/immunotherapy treatments. Which is about 4 months from now. Intimacy after this surgery will be difficult and different. If my husband is feeling well after a treatment are we able to be intimate? Do we need to wait? Is it safe? I've read about it online but the articles/opinions pertain mostly to pregnancy. We have been married over 40 years, so pregnancy is not an issue. He sees his doctor next week and we will ask him about this, too. I was just wondering if anyone is will to share their knowledge or experience with this issue. Thank you in advance.
Stacey

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Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Feb 11 8:25pm

@sdvilligan, these are such good questions to ask. I'm tagging a few fellow members who have had chemo and/or immunotherapy for bladder cancer or their partners have, like @treeman1942 @beebe @jaxfl @hmmm @jowilliams1 @moose63 @eddiesil @ljashton and others. They may have personal insights to share.

Of course, intimacy can mean many things from hand holding to intercourse. Like you said, intimacy may be redefined and different during and after treatment. As always, intimacy is about communication. Being open and honest about how you feel as things change and each of you adapt.

One should never assume their doctor or nurse will ask about sex or intimacy. Stacey, you were wise to bring up the issue of intimacy with the doctor. Would you be willing to share what you learned?

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ljashton | @ljashton | Feb 11 9:18pm

So for the next four months, you will have chemotherapy? Our experience was we waited two- three days after therapy. He really didn’t feel like it the first day. He's had about 5 TURBTs and ,lately ,low grade noninvasive BC . I have no idea about after major surgery. Sorry I can’t give more information. K Jane

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sdvilligan | @sdvilligan | Feb 12 12:25am

Thank you for your response. Yes, 8 rounds of chemo/immunotherapy over the next 12 weeks. Best wishes to you and your husband.

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sdvilligan | @sdvilligan | Feb 12 1:16am
In reply to @colleenyoung "@sdvilligan, these are such good questions to ask. I'm tagging a few fellow members who have..." + (show)
Profile picture for Colleen Young, Connect Director @colleenyoung

@sdvilligan, these are such good questions to ask. I'm tagging a few fellow members who have had chemo and/or immunotherapy for bladder cancer or their partners have, like @treeman1942 @beebe @jaxfl @hmmm @jowilliams1 @moose63 @eddiesil @ljashton and others. They may have personal insights to share.

Of course, intimacy can mean many things from hand holding to intercourse. Like you said, intimacy may be redefined and different during and after treatment. As always, intimacy is about communication. Being open and honest about how you feel as things change and each of you adapt.

One should never assume their doctor or nurse will ask about sex or intimacy. Stacey, you were wise to bring up the issue of intimacy with the doctor. Would you be willing to share what you learned?

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@colleenyoung We did ask the doctor and he said chemotherapy drugs leave bodily fluids within 72 hours, so he advised we wait 3 days. We've been married 40 years and intimacy is still important to us. Yes, intimacy comes in many forms physical, emotional, and spiritual. Thank you for your response and I would be open to hearing from anyone who has experience with this topic. It's so important that no one feels alone on this journey. We are just beginning and we have been told it will be a long and difficult road ahead, but our faith and the encouragement from others will carry us.
Stacey

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Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Feb 12 12:06pm
In reply to @sdvilligan "@colleenyoung We did ask the doctor and he said chemotherapy drugs leave bodily fluids within 72..." + (show)
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@colleenyoung We did ask the doctor and he said chemotherapy drugs leave bodily fluids within 72 hours, so he advised we wait 3 days. We've been married 40 years and intimacy is still important to us. Yes, intimacy comes in many forms physical, emotional, and spiritual. Thank you for your response and I would be open to hearing from anyone who has experience with this topic. It's so important that no one feels alone on this journey. We are just beginning and we have been told it will be a long and difficult road ahead, but our faith and the encouragement from others will carry us.
Stacey

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@sdvilligan Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. As you can see, there are few questions that are inappropriate.

Treatment for different cancers, and the wide variety of treatments done these days, can certainly have a range of side effects. May I relate it from my perspective? I deal with a blood cancer that is incurable. I have been on treatment since Aug 2021. In addition to that I have end stage kidney disease, and am on daily dialysis since Aug 2022. My husband and I have been married since April 2018. So, we are not "long timers" in our relationship. For us, intimacy has certainly taken a new meaning, basically because I do not have the emotional or mental bandwidth to participate in intercourse. So, we focus more on loving actions, or snuggling. Truthfully, for him, it is a poor substitute, but it is what I can do. Beyond the physical, remember to take into consideration the mental and emotional aspects of your relationship.

Bless you on your journey.
Ginger

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sdvilligan | @sdvilligan | Feb 12 2:24pm
In reply to @gingerw "@sdvilligan Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. As you can see, there are few questions that are..." + (show)
Profile picture for Ginger, Volunteer Mentor @gingerw

@sdvilligan Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. As you can see, there are few questions that are inappropriate.

Treatment for different cancers, and the wide variety of treatments done these days, can certainly have a range of side effects. May I relate it from my perspective? I deal with a blood cancer that is incurable. I have been on treatment since Aug 2021. In addition to that I have end stage kidney disease, and am on daily dialysis since Aug 2022. My husband and I have been married since April 2018. So, we are not "long timers" in our relationship. For us, intimacy has certainly taken a new meaning, basically because I do not have the emotional or mental bandwidth to participate in intercourse. So, we focus more on loving actions, or snuggling. Truthfully, for him, it is a poor substitute, but it is what I can do. Beyond the physical, remember to take into consideration the mental and emotional aspects of your relationship.

Bless you on your journey.
Ginger

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Thank you Ginger for your thoughtful response. Best wishes to you! 🙏🏻

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jaxfl | @jaxfl | Feb 13 11:31am

Systemic chemo (not localized) means it is discouraged. Utilizing a dedicated bathroom is encouraged.

Regarding systemic immunotherapy (not BCG which is localized) I am not aware of any such caution. Furthermore, historically almost all patients on adjuvant or salvage immunotherapy had a RC. Which brings complications by itself unless nerve sparing surgery happened (with a good outcome regarding function).

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