Autism & the difficulty of getting & doing a job

Posted by usernameca @usernameca, Sep 28, 2018

Have you noticed it is difficult to get hired? And if you do get hired, have you noticed how it’s almost impossible to do the job? If people with Autism don’t stand up for their rights, no one else is going to. And in my opinion, no one has.

@avmcbellar

Hi Sue @sueinmn Thank you for your input. Our son is 33. It is amazing how these kids slip through the cracks in our society and don’t get the help they need. I think it is the parents mostly to blame as in this case. His mom is on the spectrum as well. The dad did notice something was wrong as the son was growing up. I believe the mother refused to have him assessed because it would uncover her mental disability. She had said the reason was because she did not want her son labeled. She continues to struggle in life and yet refuses any help. Her obsession is her religion. In conversation she makes many references to the Bible. She is similar to the mom character in the TV series “Young Sheldon”. Her son avoided any help during his high school years. By age 18 he was an adult so not much could be done when he didn’t believe he had a mental disability. He struggled all his life but somehow managed to get through. At least now with disability he has income and not have to struggle with keeping another job. We will wait to see what he chooses to do as far as moving. If he moves not sure what we can do to help with guardianship. He does not tell us with what is going on his life as it is. We find out things by asking the right questions. He has a tendency to keep things from us. We pretty much keep low key to give him his independence. In the past if anyone made a remark he didn’t like he would dislike them, make negative statements against them. He watches shows or movies constantly on his phone. I am sure he did this during work hours. He had nothing good to say about all his bosses. They probably gave him direction or guidance but he took it in a negative way instead of it being helpful to him. Thank you for all your help. Any suggestions or comments are appreciated. Toni

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Hello @avmcbellar,

As you are probably aware, you do not need his permission to get conservatorship (control of his money) or guardianship (control of his person). It sounds like you have adequate proof through his arrests and financial problems that his life needs good supervision. I might suggest that you at least have a consult with an attorney to discuss the pros and cons of conservatorship and guardianship. It will protect him in the long-run which is what must be done for his safety. It will also give you and the rest of the family some peace of mind. If you do this it is important that you do it while he is still residing in the same state as you.

Have you considered consulting with an attorney without him present?

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@hopeful33250

Hello @avmcbellar,

As you are probably aware, you do not need his permission to get conservatorship (control of his money) or guardianship (control of his person). It sounds like you have adequate proof through his arrests and financial problems that his life needs good supervision. I might suggest that you at least have a consult with an attorney to discuss the pros and cons of conservatorship and guardianship. It will protect him in the long-run which is what must be done for his safety. It will also give you and the rest of the family some peace of mind. If you do this it is important that you do it while he is still residing in the same state as you.

Have you considered consulting with an attorney without him present?

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Hi Teresa @hopeful33250 and Ginger @gingerw Thank you for your suggestions. We appreciate it and would take those into consideration but at our age we don’t want the legal responsibility to be paying for any loss or damages he may cause. Who knows he may do more damage knowing he won’t be responsible. He tries to be as cautious as he possibly can now. Like I said he will not gives us information unless we ask. We won’t know details if he is up to anything new until he gets into trouble. Thanks for the thought. Toni

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@avmcbellar

Hi Teresa @hopeful33250 and Ginger @gingerw Thank you for your suggestions. We appreciate it and would take those into consideration but at our age we don’t want the legal responsibility to be paying for any loss or damages he may cause. Who knows he may do more damage knowing he won’t be responsible. He tries to be as cautious as he possibly can now. Like I said he will not gives us information unless we ask. We won’t know details if he is up to anything new until he gets into trouble. Thanks for the thought. Toni

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Hello @avmcbellar,

That is the reason I suggested that you consult with an attorney in your state. I believe that your legal responsibility might be lessened (or perhaps nil) if he is declared by the court to not be responsible for his financial matters. I don't know Florida law, so you would need to check with a Florida attorney to discuss the pros and cons. You want to find an attorney who is well-versed in Guardianship/Conservatorship matters, rather than a general practice attorney. Your local State Bar Association could provide you with a referral.

This might provide the most protection for him (and probably you) in the event of a mismanagement of funds, etc. Since he doesn't appear to be handicapped at first glance, he needs some protection.

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@hopeful33250

Hello @avmcbellar,

That is the reason I suggested that you consult with an attorney in your state. I believe that your legal responsibility might be lessened (or perhaps nil) if he is declared by the court to not be responsible for his financial matters. I don't know Florida law, so you would need to check with a Florida attorney to discuss the pros and cons. You want to find an attorney who is well-versed in Guardianship/Conservatorship matters, rather than a general practice attorney. Your local State Bar Association could provide you with a referral.

This might provide the most protection for him (and probably you) in the event of a mismanagement of funds, etc. Since he doesn't appear to be handicapped at first glance, he needs some protection.

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Hi Teresa. One would think since he went through a medical professional through the government, protection would be provided. The government did not offer any protection for him although his dad helped him through this difficult time. The government did help to find housing and a part-time job but that did not last long. I understand protection against financial mismanagement but what happens if he takes things or destroys things? He may be protected from not being arrested but we may have to pay for damages. I am sure it won’t be nil. I wouldn’t be surprised for the responsible party to be held accountable for damages or losses suffered. Can’t excuse everything because he is autistic. If your property was damaged would it be OK for you to pay for damages? I don’t think everything would be dropped just because of autism. It is not easy. Toni

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@avmcbellar

Hi Teresa. One would think since he went through a medical professional through the government, protection would be provided. The government did not offer any protection for him although his dad helped him through this difficult time. The government did help to find housing and a part-time job but that did not last long. I understand protection against financial mismanagement but what happens if he takes things or destroys things? He may be protected from not being arrested but we may have to pay for damages. I am sure it won’t be nil. I wouldn’t be surprised for the responsible party to be held accountable for damages or losses suffered. Can’t excuse everything because he is autistic. If your property was damaged would it be OK for you to pay for damages? I don’t think everything would be dropped just because of autism. It is not easy. Toni

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An attorney in your state can best advise you on these matters, @avmcbellar. Perhaps you can find an attorney who is willing to do a phone consult. You want as much protection for his father, and him as the state can provide.

Is the reluctance to secure advice from an attorney based on a fear of legal fees? If so, ask upfront what the fee would be for a consultation and then decide if the fee is less than what your liability might be without the advice and taking action if suggested.

Just some ideas to consider.

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@avmcbellar

Hi Teresa. One would think since he went through a medical professional through the government, protection would be provided. The government did not offer any protection for him although his dad helped him through this difficult time. The government did help to find housing and a part-time job but that did not last long. I understand protection against financial mismanagement but what happens if he takes things or destroys things? He may be protected from not being arrested but we may have to pay for damages. I am sure it won’t be nil. I wouldn’t be surprised for the responsible party to be held accountable for damages or losses suffered. Can’t excuse everything because he is autistic. If your property was damaged would it be OK for you to pay for damages? I don’t think everything would be dropped just because of autism. It is not easy. Toni

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@avmcbellar Not wanting to be financially responsible is a valid point. There are multiple levels/types of guardianship. I believe that you could find an option that would protect both your son and you and your husband.

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@hopeful33250

An attorney in your state can best advise you on these matters, @avmcbellar. Perhaps you can find an attorney who is willing to do a phone consult. You want as much protection for his father, and him as the state can provide.

Is the reluctance to secure advice from an attorney based on a fear of legal fees? If so, ask upfront what the fee would be for a consultation and then decide if the fee is less than what your liability might be without the advice and taking action if suggested.

Just some ideas to consider.

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Hi Teresa @hopeful33250 thank you for the advice. It is difficult for me to travel. Due to my physical disability I cannot not drive. I no longer work so I have to manage on a fixed income. My husband is disabled as well but his disability is not as limiting as mine. We get involved to help our son but he sees us as the bad guy. Although we have told him numerous times that he thinks differently and it is not his fault, I believe he feels ashamed when he does silly things. He does not realize what he does is wrong until he gets himself into trouble. If it wasn’t for his dad being so understanding he would still be in jail but yet he does not listen at all. He gets easily angered from his frustrations. His dad has provided maintenance and repairs for his car in the past to make sure it was safe for him to drive. Unbeknownst to us, he sold his car for almost nothing just to have it hauled away when the car was worth a lot more. When we found out we said nothing because we knew he was better off without the car. We could have easily gotten him more money. What can you say? He has 3 sisters who he sometimes reaches out to. They all live a distance from him in different states. They are busy trying to make it on their own. They do what they can to help him. The 2 youngest sisters were the ones who tried to get him involved with the autistic organizations in Tampa and he refused. The government has provided medical care for him which he says he goes to the annual appointments for the medical check ups. I don’t know if he will actually move to Arizona when his benefits for housing will not transfer. He says he is aware that he has to start from scratch to get housing in Arizona and that will be a difficult task for him. He probably thinks the girl he met will help him. Toni

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@erikas

@avmcbellar Not wanting to be financially responsible is a valid point. There are multiple levels/types of guardianship. I believe that you could find an option that would protect both your son and you and your husband.

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Thanks Erika @erikas yes, where do you draw the line? We don’t need anyone suing us on his behalf to collect damages. We will look into it. We have enough of our own worries. Besides the kids we help our elderly parents as well. I keep track of everything for my elderly mother who is 90 years old. She depends on me because of her low vision and language barrier. Thanks for the advice. I know if I warn our son about anything he says yes and then forgets about it. I can’t always trust what he says is right when he has a difficult time reading people. Often his wishful perception is wrong. Toni

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@avmcbellar

Hi Teresa @hopeful33250 thank you for the advice. It is difficult for me to travel. Due to my physical disability I cannot not drive. I no longer work so I have to manage on a fixed income. My husband is disabled as well but his disability is not as limiting as mine. We get involved to help our son but he sees us as the bad guy. Although we have told him numerous times that he thinks differently and it is not his fault, I believe he feels ashamed when he does silly things. He does not realize what he does is wrong until he gets himself into trouble. If it wasn’t for his dad being so understanding he would still be in jail but yet he does not listen at all. He gets easily angered from his frustrations. His dad has provided maintenance and repairs for his car in the past to make sure it was safe for him to drive. Unbeknownst to us, he sold his car for almost nothing just to have it hauled away when the car was worth a lot more. When we found out we said nothing because we knew he was better off without the car. We could have easily gotten him more money. What can you say? He has 3 sisters who he sometimes reaches out to. They all live a distance from him in different states. They are busy trying to make it on their own. They do what they can to help him. The 2 youngest sisters were the ones who tried to get him involved with the autistic organizations in Tampa and he refused. The government has provided medical care for him which he says he goes to the annual appointments for the medical check ups. I don’t know if he will actually move to Arizona when his benefits for housing will not transfer. He says he is aware that he has to start from scratch to get housing in Arizona and that will be a difficult task for him. He probably thinks the girl he met will help him. Toni

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@avmcbellar,

If you and your spouse are both disabled you might check with the State Bar Association in Florida for a legal aid clinic. They can probably give you some good direction. You should be able to find the number for the State Bar in Florida through the internet and call and ask about a legal aid clinic in your area. You might be able to get a phone consultation.

I hope you are able to look into it. You need protection for yourself as well as your step-son.

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@mamacita

Good evening, @usernameca . Please forgive my random words. I had foot surgery so my thoughts are scatteted. I did not know I was Autistic until I was in my late fifties. Therefore, most of my jobs were applied for and I received training in when I was much younger. At the time I did not realize I would have benefited from support. There were no job coaches when I was starting out. It was sink or swim.

Now, however,there are resources available, books to read, classes to take, and kind hearted people to talk to before signing on the dotted line.

Even in rural areas there are people in the know, persons who are qualified to help with job training and placement. Look for the ones who consider Autism to be a different way of thinking, rather than a disease.

We can work together. We are better together.
Mamacita

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Actually, I was diagnosed with Asperger's. I don't consider Asperger's and Autism to be connected, but that's just my own unprofessional opinion. I don't think that Asperger's can ever get better or worse. But, it has side effects, such as an inability to communicate, severe OCD, severe depression, etc., and each one of these side effects can be brought under control fairly well once you realize which psychiatric medication works best: one medication for each side effect. The problem is that then, just getting a job is not the problem: the problem is getting a job that provides health care coverage. And from my experiences, that's not going to happen. Only the best jobs provide full health care coverage, and the best jobs are ones that people with Asperger's are not likely to have (despite what the media and Hollywood want you to believe). That's because if you grew up with an inability to communicate, severe OCD, and severe depression, even if you had the money and time to find the right meds to control each one, your academic record looks like a rollercoaster, even if you graduated from a good university (I did). Anyway, I'm semi-retired now, because I had the family business to save me from "everything" basically, and if anyone else out there with Asperger's or Autism wants to start up a business, just contact me. I think we could use our disability as an asset, because Hollywood has presented Asperger's people are being geniuses (ha!), and presented people with Autism has having magical qualities.

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@sirgalahad

well guys for the record I have just come thru a very torrid time of planning my suicide due to severe depression and anxieties brought on by the following.
5 weeks I had a massive hemorrhage fro 2 varicose veins which I hit by accident whilst waiting for a smoothies I felt cold liquid on my leg and looked down and saw a pool of blood .I took off to the local doctors and argued with the receptionist to get a doctor I am bleeding out she was more worried about correct paper work .then the doctor was a numbnuts I knew more about my condition and to immediately to elevate my legs to stop the bleeding and I had 15 stitches put into both veins to stop the bleeding no chance of getting to Ed AND TO REVERSE THE EFFECTS OF BLOOD THINNERS.
I then had 2 wars with 3 prominent autistics in Australia and new Zealand and got very depressed and preached at and rejected and isolated and then euthanatized George my cat and got told off for asking for help from my fellow autistics we don't help see your local mental health team or go to hospital . so I gave up hope and purpose dear usernameca one of the few to keep hanging in with me or would of been dead.
whats this to do with employment unfortunately we still face a world of suspicion abuse denigration and isolation being hassled and bullied in the workplace .we must skill and equip ourselves in my case I found my niche thru working in small pathology teams and morgue work and pathology .I also teach .we must develop resilience to handle things and to be aware its a dog eat dog world even in the work place .people are competitive intimidator and controlling and how ones overcomes that lord knows .in addition with the current American politicians making choices for their cronies and influencers and not to build a country and care for fellow Americans. I am an aussie I can see and read more than those whom live within your borders

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Hi, what country are you in where you worked in small pathology teams, did morgue work, and were involved in pathology? It sounds like your life has been hell. In other words, Welcome To America!! 🙂

America has, in my opinion, at least 35 million homeless people, not just the 700,000 that our government claims. I have Asperger's, and I noticed that I am unable to meet another human being, for any reason, on my own. Why?
Everything. So, I noticed that if someone with my disability can meet just one person, that one person can
open up the world for someone who has disabilities, such as myself. If you have the money to get out of where you're living now, and you can rent a room in a house that has at least 1 other person living in it full-time, you'll
be amazed how, even though some people are really hard to get along with, they can still let you in to their
world, and "give you a life." It happened that way for me. 🙂

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@sofaramnotdead

Actually, I was diagnosed with Asperger's. I don't consider Asperger's and Autism to be connected, but that's just my own unprofessional opinion. I don't think that Asperger's can ever get better or worse. But, it has side effects, such as an inability to communicate, severe OCD, severe depression, etc., and each one of these side effects can be brought under control fairly well once you realize which psychiatric medication works best: one medication for each side effect. The problem is that then, just getting a job is not the problem: the problem is getting a job that provides health care coverage. And from my experiences, that's not going to happen. Only the best jobs provide full health care coverage, and the best jobs are ones that people with Asperger's are not likely to have (despite what the media and Hollywood want you to believe). That's because if you grew up with an inability to communicate, severe OCD, and severe depression, even if you had the money and time to find the right meds to control each one, your academic record looks like a rollercoaster, even if you graduated from a good university (I did). Anyway, I'm semi-retired now, because I had the family business to save me from "everything" basically, and if anyone else out there with Asperger's or Autism wants to start up a business, just contact me. I think we could use our disability as an asset, because Hollywood has presented Asperger's people are being geniuses (ha!), and presented people with Autism has having magical qualities.

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@sofaramnotdead You pose an interesting concept of work and being on the autism spectrum! I, too, was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, as an adult, after many unpleasant employment experiences. Plus life-in-general difficulties. Once I had a diagnosis, it was easy to see how that different-ability [rather than calling it a disability] had framed my life and choices I made. As a result of that, my life has been enriched greatly and I understand so much more about myself.

It is not an inability to communicate, but a different style of communicating that most of the world isn't comfortable with, from my standpoint. For example, I do not sugar-coat things, and speak truthfully. If those words and thoughts get through the censor in my brain, and I realize they may be seen as hurtful to the listener, often that thought is not voiced. In silence there is a lot to hear, also!

Almost my entire work life, I had good jobs that supplied health coverage and benefits. I believe there exists numerous opportunities for those of us who see the world differently. We may have issues "fitting in", but it seems there is more acceptance these days. Everybody has a gift to give to themselves and others. What is yours?
Ginger

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