I'd rather "go" first

Posted by marcia101 @marcia101, Apr 15 3:28pm

I'm exhausted from grief. Parents, siblings, other close family members. I sincerely hope that between my husband and I, that I go first. Preferably in my sleep of old age. I just don't have the energy to grieve one more person.

I can understand your comment.

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@marcia101 Loss and grief certainly accumulates over a lifespan and being the last to meet your fate has to wear on a person.

Members @tmmmrlts @walisky @annmarry1 @Erinmfs @harriethodgson1 @dwlowrance @team4travis @rosez @georgette12 @holly56 @daniellemarie @kristap31 @holly56 @charlieindia @fiesty76 @lind827 @dvdhoover @debraannk @lilypaws have posted previously on the Grief and Loss group and may be able to offer connect and support.

May I ask how your life has changed since the multiple losses you have endured?

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@erikas

@marcia101 Loss and grief certainly accumulates over a lifespan and being the last to meet your fate has to wear on a person.

Members @tmmmrlts @walisky @annmarry1 @Erinmfs @harriethodgson1 @dwlowrance @team4travis @rosez @georgette12 @holly56 @daniellemarie @kristap31 @holly56 @charlieindia @fiesty76 @lind827 @dvdhoover @debraannk @lilypaws have posted previously on the Grief and Loss group and may be able to offer connect and support.

May I ask how your life has changed since the multiple losses you have endured?

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Hello. You wrote: "May I ask how your life has changed since the multiple losses you have endured?" Orphaned at a young age, I always felt a core of loss and emptiness. In the last few years I lost several close family members, some quite old and others not so much. Losing both of my siblings was the hardest as they were the last ties to immediate family, keepers of history and confidences.

I have dear friends and close cousins but that is not the same as the history of family.

I cope, get depressed and sad, get lonely for them, and can smile at certain memories. I'll never be the same as I was even 5 years ago.

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while i can understand your feelings (i have taken care/buried 11 family members), no matter
what, if any, your religious upbringing– you have a purpose in life and following through on
the care of beloved family members is a most important facet of our existence… take care…

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@erikas

@marcia101 Loss and grief certainly accumulates over a lifespan and being the last to meet your fate has to wear on a person.

Members @tmmmrlts @walisky @annmarry1 @Erinmfs @harriethodgson1 @dwlowrance @team4travis @rosez @georgette12 @holly56 @daniellemarie @kristap31 @holly56 @charlieindia @fiesty76 @lind827 @dvdhoover @debraannk @lilypaws have posted previously on the Grief and Loss group and may be able to offer connect and support.

May I ask how your life has changed since the multiple losses you have endured?

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I feel my life will never be the same. My daughter was so close to me and I feel Ilost without her. l also lost a sister in April due to illness and my husband has brain cancer. The doctors say that he my only has about another 3 months. I am on an emotional roller coaster.

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@rosez

I feel my life will never be the same. My daughter was so close to me and I feel Ilost without her. l also lost a sister in April due to illness and my husband has brain cancer. The doctors say that he my only has about another 3 months. I am on an emotional roller coaster.

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I'm so sorry to see this. What a terrible series of losses and challenges. I hope you have local support in family, friends, the community. Being here is helpful, I think.

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@annmarry1

while i can understand your feelings (i have taken care/buried 11 family members), no matter
what, if any, your religious upbringing– you have a purpose in life and following through on
the care of beloved family members is a most important facet of our existence… take care…

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You've also had a lot of loss. I have taken care of several people, years at a time. I'm exhausted is what I'm saying. I hope not to do it again.

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My life is forever changed losing my daughter! The only reason I am stil here is my son who is 9. I feel alone and lost now and don’t even know who I am

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@rosez

I feel my life will never be the same. My daughter was so close to me and I feel Ilost without her. l also lost a sister in April due to illness and my husband has brain cancer. The doctors say that he my only has about another 3 months. I am on an emotional roller coaster.

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@rosez, I am sending you very gentle cyber hugs, prayers and heartfelt wishes that you will be surrounded by support from others during this incredibly difficult time for you.

My hope is that you are finding some moments each day in which to rest, relax and provide yourself with some much needed but often neglected self-care at this heart rending time.

Please reach out here and let us know how you are and remember that you have Connect friends who care.

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@marcia101, Just now reading your orig. post and like so many others, I can so understand as @erikas responded, accumulated losses do take their toll. Each loss changes us and the supports and rituals we've always relied on in the past have made those during this time of pandemic even harder due to more isolation.

When my best friend of over 40+ years died last spring, I got "stuck" in the grief stage of anger for the first few months. We always had each other backs regardless and knew that whatever support might or might not be available from others, we could count on each other for understanding and support.

I was angry that she hadn't gone for a diagnosis sooner; that she was too passive and accepting of whatever her medical care team did or didn't do; that we'd always agreed to die at the same time because each relied so emotionally on the other when the chips were down and she hadn't "kept her promise" by dying; that Covid had prevented the traditional ways we'd all relied on for coming together to celebrate and mourn a loved one's life. Only later could I begin to smile and celebrate the wonderful, meaningful and strengths she brought to my life.

Grief is exhausting and we each deal differently with it on a daily basis. With aging, I've found deaths of family and friends, location moves and less physical energy slowing down and contributing to and extending my efforts to "bounce back" from losses of whatever nature. Now, I'm coming to understand the value of much more self-care through healthy meals, exercise, ways of relaxing through meditation and music, seeking more time in nature and by jotting down prioritizing my daily gratitudes.

Wishing all who grieve a place like this on Connect to share with others who understand.

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@daniellemarie

My life is forever changed losing my daughter! The only reason I am stil here is my son who is 9. I feel alone and lost now and don’t even know who I am

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Dear @daniellemarie, perhaps my greatest fear has been the thought of losing my only child.

Your loss breaks my heart and how understandable that you are feeling so alone and lost now. How could an event of such magnitude be otherwise?

Sometimes having another to be responsible for, even at the lowest times when the thought of getting out of bed sounds harder than we can do, really works to our healing.

For most of my adult life I was the primary caregiver for three extended family members. When they died, I was totally lost because they had been such a necessary focus. The blessing for me was that I still needed to go to work and meeting that responsibility was not an option.

Sometimes, I've found that people are so concerned about saying the "wrong thing" that they will avoid reaching out to someone experiencing a huge loss like the death of a loved one, a divorce, or someone critically ill.

I hope you have others nearby whom you can talk to about what you are going through. Remember you have support here on Connect and I hope you'll feel like posting whenever you like.

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@daniellemarie

My life is forever changed losing my daughter! The only reason I am stil here is my son who is 9. I feel alone and lost now and don’t even know who I am

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I'm so sorry for this terrible loss. I would be in the same boat, emotionally. How is your son doing?

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