Connect
I just have to tell you this separately
H and I are pretty much by ourselves going through old age. As I have said, his adult daughter lives 5 miles away and never shows - once this year when she wanted H to give her son our zero turn lawnmower because he just bought a house and needed one. Her conclusion was that since H has a difficult time, she should give it FREE to her adult son and, ready?, we should HIRE someone to come and cut the lawn once or twice a week!
But I digress. The reason for this post is to say that there are good people out there. We have a really good neighbor across the street. This evening he watched for my H to hobble out to take the garbage can to the street (we have a good distance driveway) and came out to do it for him!
When H came in and told me that I started to cry. His daughter won't do a darn thing for him because she is too busy, etc., but the guy across the street does something like this.
The neighbor's dad is about H's age and has walking problems too. In fact he fractured his hip and broke his arm this week in a fall. They spent the week up in Indianapolis where he is being treated until they get him into a nursing home.
By contrast his daughter, when he was in the hospital 16 months ago for a heart issue, only came by to try to get him to sign a new will leaving everything to her. Sorry, the difference is so great I just had to tell someone.
This neighbor has done things for us in the past, like shovel the snow off the driveway, and sometimes he beats H out in cutting the grass. This is a religious man who lives his religion and the world needs more like him.
I can tell you that this neighbor will bring the trash can back before we even get up in the morning. He has done that for us before. He asks for nothing and will take nothing.
As I said, quite a contrast between him and H's daughter who is either too busy or wants something for free.
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers Support Group.
Connect
This act of kindness really impacted me.
Last night I put the left-over spaghetti sauce in a container and H was to put it in the refrigerator. This afternoon I am looking all over the refrig. for it, can't find it. Finally located it in the microwave. Instead of putting the container in the refrigerator he put it in the microwave! Doesn't have a clue how it got there because he put it in the refrigerator. Told me I must have moved it there.
Same thing with the thermostat last night. It has been getting cool, and we put the heat on in the evening and he turns it down before going to bed (I've been told that is HIS job). This morning he asks me why I turned the thermostat up in the night, that it was too hot. I didn't do anything, but in his mind it must have been me. And so it goes. I don't bother arguing with him about what happened, just let it go, but I did note it down for the Doc.
Please bear with me when I mention his daughter - as I told my PCP, she scares the begesus out of me.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
5 Reactions@kartwk
I am so sorry for this road of suffering you are on with H. It is so hard to endure! I thank you for telling us about your neighbor and his kindnesses. It reminds all of us to take a breath, look around, and help out! Knowing that it can mean so much to the recipient is not only touching, but inspiring. Thank you!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
6 Reactions@babbsjoy
Thank you. We have to remember that there ARE good people out there.
And YES, this neighbor, bless him, had the trash can back in its place before we got up this morning.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
5 ReactionsWhat if you surprise everyone and leave part of your estate to this kind neighbor? There’s no law that says ungrateful children should be the only beneficiaries.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@kartwk hugs to you! I know how frustrating it is right now but later these will become stories we can laugh about. Our loved ones will be in and out, so unfortunately you will need to verify any action you deem important. One of my families favorites was when my mother, bless her heart, told me she had gotten a roast out of the freezer for me to cook. I searched high and low, and eventually found it. 😂🤣. In the canned goods pantry. Behind some other stuff. Let’s just say it was quite thawed and beginning to smell😆. “Mom, when did you get this out of the freezer?” She looks up puzzled “oh, a couple days ago, can you cook it for tonight?” I think not🤣😂, so I made her chicken and dumplings from scratch- her favorite meal.
Also- you need to get a new will made, and appoint someone else as executor, and not tell the daughter (or anyone that would inform her) since she has made her position abundantly clear. I know there is always more to these stories. Unless there are extenuating circumstances we do not owe those who treat us poorly everything we have worked for. There are many charities that could use some help.
In many areas there are senior centers that may be able to advise you of services available to you. Sometimes they can link you up with legal advisors. If you can drive and feel it’s safe you can go get away for a bit. If H cannot be left alone senior centers sometimes have weekly events that he can attend to engage him, while you get a bit of respite.
I am glad you joined this caregiver’s group, because we have all been there. We all need a place to vent and ask for suggestions! 🫂
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction