I hope you make it . . .

Thanks for sharing. During cancer treatment I felt like I lost my identity. I was no longer Laurie, but Laurie with CANCER. In beginning I kept diagnosis secret except for close family and few friends. But once lost hair to chemo, everyone knew. Most people do not know how to react. Either they say SORRY, or tell you about someone else who had cancer.

I am not sure what I wanted to hear, the best response is "is there anything I can do to help?", and to keep checking back. Cancer treatment goes on for years and patient needs support entire time.

I hope I have learned from experience and when someone tells me bad news. I respond with appropriate response.

This might be good topic for discussion, what is an appropriate response?

Laurie

So glad you shared your thoughts and feelings 🎀

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in July of 2021 and still don't quite know how/what to feel some days. You want to forget all about it and never, ever go to another doctor appointment or have bloods drawn or have scans done, but that's not realistic. I am just thankful to still be here to complain and/or rejoice, I guess. I very much appreciate your words of wisdom in sharing your thoughts and experiences. Thank you for paving the way for those of us who are still new to this scary and upending world of cancer. It is daunting yet eye-opening most days, but we still have to show up and do what we can to make these days count for something more than just surviving.

I get tired of saying "well I have/had Small Cell Lung Cancer and I guess i should be happy that I am still alive." I now have CIPN so it is a never ending story. Please smile look at the sky and swear if you feel like it or laugh out loud. I was never one for a lot of makeup but I have been enjoying this new me cancer & all. God Bless you and keep you strong. My pain meds kicked in so I hope I made sense.

@rhongirl - Thank you for sharing!
This year it’s 30! Years ago since was diagnosed with breast cancer.
I didn’t want people to know either- just didn’t want to talk about it.
I also experienced guilt when friends and acquaintances died.
Now I live with the after effects of the treatment- totally messed up immune system and damaged intestines.
I definitely rather have this and stay in this world, but it’s difficult to make people understand why I’m always sick
I had 3 young children at the time. The youngest didn’t understand, the second thought I was going to die and slept in my room for the 6 months of chemo. The oldest understatement I would be well after the treatment.
I still get my crying fits once a year at the anniversary!
We do the best we can.

Your words are spot-on, Laurie. Even my grown children did not know what to say. . . but maybe, I didn't know what I needed to hear, either. One of our sons went through childhood cancer at 15 months of age, so I was initiated to the uncomfortable responses from others. . . but this time, feeling it again WITH the disease this time, it was painful. I typically tell a person who is struggling that I'm sorry, and I genuinely am. And then I'm just available to them. I find that has been very helpful for both the person struggling and for me. I can't explain away their trial, nor can I identify completely with what the person is going through - but I can understand human suffering. And for that, I can express my empathy.

Yes, Dee, your thoughts and words are so familiar to me. I remember that I had to make a decision to "live" instead of just "survive". There is a difference. Living is to engage FULLY. It took me some time to figure out what that truly meant now, after breast cancer, and what it looked like for ME. I knew women who had gone through this disease, and no journey is the same. It's even challenging to befriend a woman going through cancer like you are. . . because both of you will have your ups and downs. (sigh.). But yes, "we still have to show up and do what we can to make these days count for something more than just surviving". I remember saying that I was "waiting for the memories to fade". . . and then realized that was just living to get one more day away from the trauma. So, I began to reengage. :). There are still some days that I'm challenged by something that triggers a memory, something that plants a doubt, something that may try to steal my joy . . . but then I start in AGAIN. Because we are more than just surviving. We are a living testament to the power of courage, strength, and God's hand of mercy. :). You keep on, keeping on, Dee! You are almost at a year!

Thank you for sharing your encouragement, @astaingegerdm. I have been having more trouble with neuropathy, and I was almost in tears this morning. I tell myself it was a small price to pay for the killing of the cancer cells, but sometimes I am overcome by fumbling fingers, numbness, tingling, or inability to do fine motor skill tasks that I used to. I am an artist. . so my hands are such a big part of who I am. But I imagine that is true for all of us. I just have to have my "crying fit" as you say and move on! :). We DO do the best we can! Congratulations on 30 years! What an encouragement to us all!

Thank you @rhongirl !
Sorry about your neuropathy- it must be extremely frustrating since you are an artist.
Any medications to help neuropathy?

You really "get" exactly what I'm saying and that is so refreshing! So many people who have not gone through this cancer situation have truly good intentions but miss the mark because they cannot possibly understand what it feels like, thankfully. I will be having my mammogram on tax day, of all days, LOL. So, I'm trying to be brave and attack it like a warrior, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a touch apprehensive. I realize it does no good to be worried. Things will happen and I will deal with it to the best of my abilities. It is therapeutic to be able to come here and visit with others who have walked similar, albeit different, paths. We all take our own journey, but how we help others along the way is what matters to me. Learn from the not-so-fun lessons and share your knowledge and strength with others who need it most. All the best to you on your journey:)