I am young and attempting to take care of my grandmother.

@belleanne Kudos to you for helping your Grandma! Do you think it is a cultural thing that she doesn't want to be seen? Are there other things she needs help with as well? Do you have a trusted friend or relative who can talk to her with or for you?
As for her body-shyness, remind her that if she goes to a nursing home, she will have no choice as to who cares for her - she could even be assigned a male nursing assistant if staffing required.

She feels very embarrassed of her condition, she’s always been a beautiful woman but she doesn’t feel it now. I remind her that it comes with age and none of it is her fault but she can’t see past embarrassment.

Her condition is complicated, she has a lot of knee and leg problems. No cartilage, torn meniscus in both legs, bowlegged with no surgery, flipped (?) kneecaps, fibromyalgia etc. if you list it she has it. This makes it very complicated for her to move and one of the biggest issues, lose weight. Hence the embarrassment.

My family doesn't try to help her much and when they do it’s just arguing. Nobody understands she physically can’t help herself anymore. I get yelled at for not doing enough but then told to get a job because I’m “at the house all the time”. Complicated. I feel I should also add we have tried to get her a visiting nurse and she is not “qualified” for it. We’ve hired other caregivers for another family member in the past but had some not so good experiences or they can’t do it anymore.

The person id like her to hire is a former cna and cleaner. She would be such a good help and I know she can help me cook for her, the problem is it’s my boyfriend’s mom. She hates that it’s someone so close to me and that she knows personally. She’s an extremely nice woman and I know she wouldn’t mind doing anything especially with pay.

I’m slowly realizing it’s probably going to be impossible to get her help without there being just something wrong. I’m losing it lol.

Hang in there! Being stuck between a difficult grandma and a critical mom is something I don't wish on anyone. You need to sit down with your Grandma and have a calm talk with her to let her express what she is willing to accept and from whom. Especially if you know someone who could be helpful.
Do your Mom and others also express their disapproval to Grandma? If so, is Grandma willing and able to tell them to back off? Otherwise you may need to find an ally in that middle generation, or a friend of Grandma, to help the two of you to get this sorted out.
Please understand that what you are undertaking is a very hard task, even for much more experienced people. I'm guessing that your friends probably don't understand either, but maybe one of their Moms would and could help you?

If I was there, I would try...but I'm sending you hugs and wishing you strength.

Welp depending on where you and she are located I have experience and education. I’ve been caring for my Dad with multiple needs for 6 years and recently been booted by him along with my half brother and gf. So I can either look for work in this field or move onto something different. Aside from that you are truly amazing for everything you are doing at a young age ♥️

I have lived through both sides of this coin. My mother had dementia, went from living alone, to living with me, to an assisted living, and finally to a memory care facility.

My husband‘s family takes a different approach. They ignore everything, leave the memory, impaired person often with a physically, impaired spouse home alone until some dire emergency arises. The affected person is often hospitalized in the short term, but discharged back to home and it becomes lather, rinse, repeat until they either pass away or require sustained nursing care. I think a lot of it has what costs.

My parents made certain that they had adequate income to sustain them in their elder years. We didn’t have to worry about the cost of assisted living or the cost of memory care, both very very high costs. And my husband’s family I don’t think they save for anything and once Medicare short term hospitalization coverage has ended the affected family member returns home until the next medical emergency arises requiring a covered hospitalization. It’s really sad.

I think a good place to begin, especially if finances are a determining factor, would be a social worker who can help investigate local solutions that are safe and effective for people who need care and lack income. If you can afford it moving affected family members to a facility where staff is trained in the care of people with memory issues can be a really good thing for both the affected individual and for the family members who can then continue to visit their beloved relative and a facility well equipped to provide consideration and care for them. It’s really hard.

Is Title XIX gone? When my mother was in the nursing home the vast majority of the patients were on Title XIX because they weren't able to pay. This has been years ago so I don't know the current situation.