I am trying to deal with the loss of our only child.

I was blown away by your grief. It has been less than a year since my husband died but I know that if I had lost one of my children the pain would have been greater. The only thing I can tell you is that during the course of my life I became acquainted with two women, both of whom lost a child. One was a little girl to leukemia. They didn't have all the drugs they have now. And the other was a motorcycle accident. I met them years later and what I want to say is that they got through it. You never get over it, but call on your inner strength to just get through it.

Holly- We plan to be nearby to Raleigh in September. Please private message me if it works to meet up with Margaret and I. Peace, Dave Lowrance

Umbrella Ministries has a weekend retreat for parents. I've been twice and it is helpful. It's Bible based but does not frown on differences in religion/beliefs.
Also, Helping Parents Heal is a group that believes in the afterlife and has free medium group online meetings and groups in each state.

many thanks for thinking of my wife and I.

<p>My only child and son passed away 7/14/23...how do I move forward?</p><p>We lost our 30 yr old son on 7/14/23 to an accident. The details of the accident are still being investigated. There are really no support groups where I live. Some of my friends quit talking to me and some friends I lost connection with are here now. The grief I am experiencing is so different than the grief my husband (his dad) is experiencing. Our son was a mommas boy) Holidays are coming up...I'm thinking we travel around the holidays. I'm so sad, heart broken and tired all the time. My heart literally hurts. Can anyone offer some advice ?</p>

One small step at a time (big virtual hug). My heart goes out to you, I'm sure you are asking yourself WHY and believe that as a parent you should go first. At the moment you have no closure due to questions still being unanswered. Take time for you and the other important people in your life. It may be early but you are allowed to smile and laugh, remember the good times or the times he wouldn't clean his room. I have no doubt you have great tails about your boy to share when you are ready. As for today, have a bath/shower and get dressed (small steps). xxx

I don't think a parent should ever have to lose a child. It is just difficult beyond words, I am sure. And then to lose him at 30 yo just adds to your grief. I lost my husband when he was 28 [I was 23 with an 18 mo old child] and I never got over that, but I have always said it must to be the worst to lose a child, and at any age, they are still our "children". My only advice is go get help. Go for counseling. That could be a psychologist who specializes in grief, your pastor, but from my experience, I think everyone could do themselves a big favor by getting help. Grief is ot something that passes quickly and it can get very complicated. I did everything wrong. I stuffed my emotions down, telling myself [and my mother told me the same thing, meaning well] that I had to be strong for my daughter. And, there is a certain reality that you must go on. I needed to emotionally and financially support my daughter. I may have lost my husband, but she lost her Daddy, and because she was so young, I needed to create memories for her. I concentrated everything on my daughter and I got lost in the process. My daughter and I had to move in with my parents because I was facing astronomical medical bills [multiple heart attacks and two open heart surgeries in a year and a half], and over 50 years later, I have the vivid memory of locking myself in their bathroom, with a pillow to cover the sound of my sobbing. This is not the way to get through grief. I don't think you ever completely get over the loss of a loved one, but because I did so many thing wrongs, I still have an unusual amount of pain. So again, the best advice that I can give you is to get help getting through with this.
My heart is crying fo you. 🥲
❣️P

I just want to say I am so sorry for your loss. While I don’t personally know what you are going through, I lost my youngest brother when he was 29 4 years after we had lost my dad. I remember my mom telling me it was hard to lose her parents. When we lost my dad, it was really hard for her. But you don’t expect to outlive your children. Even though my mom had other living children, I don’t think she ever got over that. I’m so glad you signed in, as there is wonderful support on this board, but I would recommend talking to your doctor for some available resources. When my dad died, I was only 26 and I was trying to e strong for everyone but me. Then I started putting on weight. I went to my doctor and he kindly told me your dad wouldn’t want you to let your health go. It sounds like you and your son were close and he would want you you to find peace with this. I know words are not sufficient, so I am sending prayers, hugs and love your way. Keep us posted with your journey. We care.

joraelliott @joraelliott

The are no words for the sudden loss of your son. Everyone grieves different and grief has no time limit.

You may of heard of 5 stages of grief. They do not occur in sequence and sometimes you repeat a stage multiple times. When my sister died about this time last year, I was in anger stage very long.
• Denial.
• Anger.
• Bargaining.
• Depression.
• Acceptance.

To read more about stages of grief, see:
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/5-stages-of-grief/

This Mayo Health System article about "7 Steps for Managing Grief and Loss" gives some advice / techniques that may help.

If your spiritual, I suggest talking to a clergy. You mentioned no support groups in your area, maybe you could find an online group. Also, as someone else suggested, visit with your doctor about resources. He may suggest an anti-depression or anxiety medication temporarily to help you get through this tough time. I talked to a therapist about my sister's death. Seeing your husband is dealing with it different then you, a therapist might be good options for someone to talk to.

Take care of yourself
Laurie

I have no advice but I do want to say that I am so very sorry for your tragic loss. You are in my prayers