I am trying to deal with the loss of our only child, Richard.

Posted by dwlowrance @dwlowrance, Jan 18 10:06am

Richard died 4 years ago. I think about what I did right and did wrong to be the best parent every day. We are active in The Compassionate Friends as a support group of grieving parents. I need to get some peace around the circumstances and facts around his last days. Is there a parent here who has experience with Article 42, Section 1985 of the U.S. Code where I believe some answers may be available? Any direction is much appreciated.

First, I am so sorry about the loss of your son Richard (I too lost all of my children, twins due to extreme prematurity; and my 4YO son due to a rare and undiagnosed genetic birth defect). I'm glad you found The Compassionate Friends and hope they will offer some comfort. There is also an organization called Umbrella Ministries that provides support to grieving mothers. I'm told Grief Share is good too, but have no personal experience with them.

I also have no personal experience with Article 42, Section 1985 of the US Code you mentioned. Perhaps someone at The Compassionate Friends may be able to offer more detailed guidance? You may also want to consult with an attorney in your area with specific expertise on that Article. Sending gentle wishes for your healing.

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Thank you Allison. I am seeking direction from TCF members and attorneys from my church and the local SC area.

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@dwlowrance Your son died four years ago and you have been thinking about what you did right and wrong while parenting your son.

You are looking to connect with members like @rosez @georgette12 @holly56 @daniellemarie @kristap31 @holly56 that have also lost a child.

The death of a child is an unbelievable loss that no parent would ever fully stop grieving.

You said you think, "about what I did right and did wrong to be the best parent every day." You have reached out to members here on Connect and it sounds like you are very active in your support group.I'm wondering if you have considered therapy as an additional means to help you move through the stages of grief?

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@erikas

@dwlowrance Your son died four years ago and you have been thinking about what you did right and wrong while parenting your son.

You are looking to connect with members like @rosez @georgette12 @holly56 @daniellemarie @kristap31 @holly56 that have also lost a child.

The death of a child is an unbelievable loss that no parent would ever fully stop grieving.

You said you think, "about what I did right and did wrong to be the best parent every day." You have reached out to members here on Connect and it sounds like you are very active in your support group.I'm wondering if you have considered therapy as an additional means to help you move through the stages of grief?

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I am in therapy and find it very helpful

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Thank you for sharing
@dwlowrance. My son also died in 2016. By suicide. I've been in touch with the organizations you mentioned as well. And I have continuing therapy with a grief counselor who specializes in traumatic grief, as in sudden, mysterious, suicide, murder. I learned that a parent who loses a child under unusual circumstances will likely have grief issues that are extremely intense. I just want you to know that there are parents here who understand. You're welcome to connect with me privately if you like. Many many blessings to you.

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I am so sorry for the loss of your son Richard. To lose a child and the out of order death is a pain that no one can imagine and my heart hurts for us all. I also do not have knowledge of the Article 42 and would also suggest legal advice. I think every state has a "Legal Aid" agency that is a nonprofit and maybe they could suggest some ideas. I lost my only son Derek at age 28 to brain cancer in April, 2019. The posts on here have been amazing and with ideas and suggestions on what has helped others on their grief journey. I am only 21 months into my grief journey and some of what has been mentioned has helped me too. Having a grief counselor who specializes in grief and trauma has been my life preserver and I have been with her this entire time. I have also taken writing classes via zoom with a facilitator that has helped me as I rage on a page, cry and at times am able to think of Derek and all that he was and smile that I was and will always be his mom. I walk the lake a lot when it is warm enough to do so and start my walk with "Dear Derek" and I talk to him about all that is going on and how much I miss him. At first I would cry immediately after I said his name, now the more I say it the more it helps me, but that is just me. Everyone grieves in their own individual way. I will end with this…..Our love for a children is so immense and therefore our grief is just as immense. Like a train track, love on one track and grief on the other, trying to figure out how to somehow move forward (not move on) after a loss of a precious child means love and grief together can help us out of the dark hole and into the light. Sending you hugs and hope that you know Richard's love for you will forever be with you.
Holly

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@holly56

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Richard. To lose a child and the out of order death is a pain that no one can imagine and my heart hurts for us all. I also do not have knowledge of the Article 42 and would also suggest legal advice. I think every state has a "Legal Aid" agency that is a nonprofit and maybe they could suggest some ideas. I lost my only son Derek at age 28 to brain cancer in April, 2019. The posts on here have been amazing and with ideas and suggestions on what has helped others on their grief journey. I am only 21 months into my grief journey and some of what has been mentioned has helped me too. Having a grief counselor who specializes in grief and trauma has been my life preserver and I have been with her this entire time. I have also taken writing classes via zoom with a facilitator that has helped me as I rage on a page, cry and at times am able to think of Derek and all that he was and smile that I was and will always be his mom. I walk the lake a lot when it is warm enough to do so and start my walk with "Dear Derek" and I talk to him about all that is going on and how much I miss him. At first I would cry immediately after I said his name, now the more I say it the more it helps me, but that is just me. Everyone grieves in their own individual way. I will end with this…..Our love for a children is so immense and therefore our grief is just as immense. Like a train track, love on one track and grief on the other, trying to figure out how to somehow move forward (not move on) after a loss of a precious child means love and grief together can help us out of the dark hole and into the light. Sending you hugs and hope that you know Richard's love for you will forever be with you.
Holly

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Holly- Thanks for your posting. Condolences on your loss. I concur that the amount of grief is directly proportional to the amount of love. I needed to be reminded and accept that Richard's love for me will forever be with me and cannot be taken away. Your kind response helps me through this day. Have a great day and walk with Derek!

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@dwlowrance

Holly- Thanks for your posting. Condolences on your loss. I concur that the amount of grief is directly proportional to the amount of love. I needed to be reminded and accept that Richard's love for me will forever be with me and cannot be taken away. Your kind response helps me through this day. Have a great day and walk with Derek!

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Thank you for sharing such beautiful and loving pictures of Richard and family. What state do you live in? I am in NC. Here is a picture of my Derek. Heading out for a walk soon!

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@holly56

Thank you for sharing such beautiful and loving pictures of Richard and family. What state do you live in? I am in NC. Here is a picture of my Derek. Heading out for a walk soon!

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Holly- We are transplanted Tar Heels, Class of '70 and '71 living in NH. Richard completed undergraduate work at Mars Hill College in Mars Hill, NC. in 2000. Many thanks for Derek's service to our country. Have a great day.

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@dwlowrance

Holly- We are transplanted Tar Heels, Class of '70 and '71 living in NH. Richard completed undergraduate work at Mars Hill College in Mars Hill, NC. in 2000. Many thanks for Derek's service to our country. Have a great day.

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Love it!!! If you are ever in the area (I live in Raleigh), let me know!

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