I am a bad caregiver and I feel like I can't do it anymore

I'm sorry to hear about your suffering. I don't have any pop-psychology or deep meaningful experiences to relay, but you might try to remember that you are not alone. Many of us are experiencing things we never imagined. Our lives are turned topsy turvy and our planned futures have disappeared at the drop of a diagnosis. It helps me to know that others have walked this path and survived the trials of thankless, seemingly endless caregiving. It's tough to accept that reality can win against all of our plans. I'm still trying to accept that.

Well to give an update he survived his surgery and is doing good. But he has only ben there 2 days, I talk to the doctor yesterday about a SNF and he agreed it would be a good Idea. However the surgeon and her staff came today and said that they want him to come home that the risk of infection at a facility would be to high. I told them again that I cannot take care of him that I need help and they are telling me that it will be fine. They have ignored my voice and are trying to release him to my care today or tomorrow. I can't do this anymore, I don't have the energy to do this anymore... Why don't people listen? I feel like I want to run away and hide, If I didn't have animals to care for I would... It is sad that the first thought I had when he came out of surgery is how in the hell did you survive. The second was here we go again. For the last two days I have spent so much time crying I am at my limit I can't do any more and no ne is listening to me and I don't know what to do.

Well to give an update he survived his surgery and is doing good. But he has only ben there 2 days, I talk to the doctor yesterday about a SNF and he agreed it would be a good Idea. However the surgeon and her staff came today and said that they want him to come home that the risk of infection at a facility would be to high. I told them again that I cannot take care of him that I need help and they are telling me that it will be fine. They have ignored my voice and are trying to release him to my care today or tomorrow. I can't do this anymore, I don't have the energy to do this anymore... Why don't people listen? I feel like I want to run away and hide, If I didn't have animals to care for I would... It is sad that the first thought I had when he came out of surgery is how in the hell did you survive. The second was here we go again. For the last two days I have spent so much time crying I am at my limit I can't do any more and no ne is listening to me and I don't know what to do.

Married 64 years !
Hubby has had three strokes! His mind was extra sharp! Now it is semi!
His memory is good!
He has home health ! For PT!
Bless him
He is on a walker and oxygen !!
This has been our life since the third. Stroke( two and 1/2
Years ago)
I am the only care giver!
He can shower by himself and dress himself ! Which is a blessing ! Or he would not be home !
I now weigh 112 lbs ! From 145!!
Guess a great diet ! Except I am 5ft 8 and look like a stick !!
My husband was always very active as well as social !
Golf everyday ! Friends ! Out two or three times a week for dinner!
Now that has all stoped! For us!!
We have friends over ( I cook )
I’m also on a walker ! With osteoarthritis !
Makes things double difficult!
I am 84 and hubby is 87 !
So glad I found this site!
I truly felt alone !!!
I am a only child !
Not very much family
Two grown children that live in different towns
4 grown grand children
Wonderful!!
But have full time jobs ! Different towns !
We do have 2 great couples ! Friends for years !! That are both in good health!
That still are very active !!
They help when ever I call!
I do not have to even tell others That are here on this site !
How difficult life seems to be ! Everyone going thru the same as we are!!
I am
Happy to see it is spring time 2023!!
For richer or poor !! In sickness and in health!
Wedding ! Long ago !!
That is us!
I pray that each day ! God has given us ‘. Another !! DAY!!

New Update - I went to the hospital again today and stayed for about 9 hours to watch and see. The PT people could not get him up to walk as blood came gushing out of his graft area when he stood up. Then a "resident" came in the room to speak to us about the blood bandage which she would not change because the surgeon is very particular about her patients' care. While she was there she wanted to discuss his discharge, again I told her that I could not care for him at this point. I told her he can't get out of bed, he is unable to ambulate alone, and he is not able to shower, or toilet unaided. He refuses to use his feeding machine for his feeding tube at home and wants me to bolus feed him, with my carpal tunnel I can't push the syringes to feed him. He has 4 drains in his chest, and I don't understand how he can come home with them in place. The worst part is that he and I agreed and told the attending doctor that he needs to go to a SNF. The resident and a few CNAs have scared him with stories of the facilities holding patients against their will after they are well enough to come home. We cannot get home health care where we live, the hospital has already checked this out, so I would have to do everything unaided. I asked him in your current situation do you think I will be able to take care of you and he said no, So if we have talked to the social worker, the hospital ombudsman, and several physicians and can't get the help he needs what more can I do???

New Update - I went to the hospital again today and stayed for about 9 hours to watch and see. The PT people could not get him up to walk as blood came gushing out of his graft area when he stood up. Then a "resident" came in the room to speak to us about the blood bandage which she would not change because the surgeon is very particular about her patients' care. While she was there she wanted to discuss his discharge, again I told her that I could not care for him at this point. I told her he can't get out of bed, he is unable to ambulate alone, and he is not able to shower, or toilet unaided. He refuses to use his feeding machine for his feeding tube at home and wants me to bolus feed him, with my carpal tunnel I can't push the syringes to feed him. He has 4 drains in his chest, and I don't understand how he can come home with them in place. The worst part is that he and I agreed and told the attending doctor that he needs to go to a SNF. The resident and a few CNAs have scared him with stories of the facilities holding patients against their will after they are well enough to come home. We cannot get home health care where we live, the hospital has already checked this out, so I would have to do everything unaided. I asked him in your current situation do you think I will be able to take care of you and he said no, So if we have talked to the social worker, the hospital ombudsman, and several physicians and can't get the help he needs what more can I do???

New Update - I went to the hospital again today and stayed for about 9 hours to watch and see. The PT people could not get him up to walk as blood came gushing out of his graft area when he stood up. Then a "resident" came in the room to speak to us about the blood bandage which she would not change because the surgeon is very particular about her patients' care. While she was there she wanted to discuss his discharge, again I told her that I could not care for him at this point. I told her he can't get out of bed, he is unable to ambulate alone, and he is not able to shower, or toilet unaided. He refuses to use his feeding machine for his feeding tube at home and wants me to bolus feed him, with my carpal tunnel I can't push the syringes to feed him. He has 4 drains in his chest, and I don't understand how he can come home with them in place. The worst part is that he and I agreed and told the attending doctor that he needs to go to a SNF. The resident and a few CNAs have scared him with stories of the facilities holding patients against their will after they are well enough to come home. We cannot get home health care where we live, the hospital has already checked this out, so I would have to do everything unaided. I asked him in your current situation do you think I will be able to take care of you and he said no, So if we have talked to the social worker, the hospital ombudsman, and several physicians and can't get the help he needs what more can I do???

New Update - I went to the hospital again today and stayed for about 9 hours to watch and see. The PT people could not get him up to walk as blood came gushing out of his graft area when he stood up. Then a "resident" came in the room to speak to us about the blood bandage which she would not change because the surgeon is very particular about her patients' care. While she was there she wanted to discuss his discharge, again I told her that I could not care for him at this point. I told her he can't get out of bed, he is unable to ambulate alone, and he is not able to shower, or toilet unaided. He refuses to use his feeding machine for his feeding tube at home and wants me to bolus feed him, with my carpal tunnel I can't push the syringes to feed him. He has 4 drains in his chest, and I don't understand how he can come home with them in place. The worst part is that he and I agreed and told the attending doctor that he needs to go to a SNF. The resident and a few CNAs have scared him with stories of the facilities holding patients against their will after they are well enough to come home. We cannot get home health care where we live, the hospital has already checked this out, so I would have to do everything unaided. I asked him in your current situation do you think I will be able to take care of you and he said no, So if we have talked to the social worker, the hospital ombudsman, and several physicians and can't get the help he needs what more can I do???

New Update - I went to the hospital again today and stayed for about 9 hours to watch and see. The PT people could not get him up to walk as blood came gushing out of his graft area when he stood up. Then a "resident" came in the room to speak to us about the blood bandage which she would not change because the surgeon is very particular about her patients' care. While she was there she wanted to discuss his discharge, again I told her that I could not care for him at this point. I told her he can't get out of bed, he is unable to ambulate alone, and he is not able to shower, or toilet unaided. He refuses to use his feeding machine for his feeding tube at home and wants me to bolus feed him, with my carpal tunnel I can't push the syringes to feed him. He has 4 drains in his chest, and I don't understand how he can come home with them in place. The worst part is that he and I agreed and told the attending doctor that he needs to go to a SNF. The resident and a few CNAs have scared him with stories of the facilities holding patients against their will after they are well enough to come home. We cannot get home health care where we live, the hospital has already checked this out, so I would have to do everything unaided. I asked him in your current situation do you think I will be able to take care of you and he said no, So if we have talked to the social worker, the hospital ombudsman, and several physicians and can't get the help he needs what more can I do???