Husband with untreated depression/anxiety

Posted by roseann4z @roseann4z, Jul 19 10:07am

My husband has untreated depression & anxiety for most of his life. We have been married for47 years & are in our 70’s now. He has been on medication in the past and it was helpful sometimes-others not. He gave up 10 years ago because he didn’t like the side effects. He refuses counseling or even talking to me about his feelings. As we have gotten older, this has become almost unbearable for both of us. I am a cancer survivor and want to enjoy my good days & have some support on my bad. I am willing to do this for him but he’s shut off. I feel hopeless.
Does anyone have any ideas, advice, hope for me? Don’t know where to turn. Thank you!

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Profile picture for razorsharp @razorsharp

Hi PML
The Dots are not Red but Black Ok
As for us eat good Red meat & Pork Chop/ Lam Chops / Fish we both eat find maybe that's why I'm still here LOL
As for the lobster, Going to Perth is 4,000 Km away from Sydney so I don't think I will be going that far to pick up my Lobster LOL
Beside the cost is outrages at a $48.00 Au per Kl , Not thanks they can keep it .
Yes my little wife like Red Hair & so do I .
Anyway thank you for your kind thoughts Cheers From us Down Under

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Hello Rose how are you today hope you are in good health and taking care of your self

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I have commented before but thought I would weigh in one more time.
Medications for depression have come so far in my lifetime and the advent of SSRI’s was life changing for so many people. That being said you have to find the right SSRI for you. Unfortunately it can be a little frustrating because it can take up to six weeks to fully get in your system.
I tried Prozac and it was not a good fit but Zoloft was and in combination with Wellbutrin and Buspar it has been life changing. I am also in my 70’s and I can’t imagine being depressed all the time. He doesn’t have to live this way and it is certainly not fair to you. If he also suffers from anxiety Klonopin/ Clonazepam might help with those symptoms. Yes they are addictive and withdrawal can be tough but living the way he is now is no way to live the remaining years of his life and your life as well.
Finally constant depression can lead to dementia and if he is miserable now life with dementia would be intolerable.
Good luck to you and congratulations on being a cancer survivor. If you have another bedroom move in there and live your life to the fullest. Nobody says you have to around someone who refuses to get help. Maybe tough love is called for here.

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Profile picture for daveshaw @daveshaw

I have commented before but thought I would weigh in one more time.
Medications for depression have come so far in my lifetime and the advent of SSRI’s was life changing for so many people. That being said you have to find the right SSRI for you. Unfortunately it can be a little frustrating because it can take up to six weeks to fully get in your system.
I tried Prozac and it was not a good fit but Zoloft was and in combination with Wellbutrin and Buspar it has been life changing. I am also in my 70’s and I can’t imagine being depressed all the time. He doesn’t have to live this way and it is certainly not fair to you. If he also suffers from anxiety Klonopin/ Clonazepam might help with those symptoms. Yes they are addictive and withdrawal can be tough but living the way he is now is no way to live the remaining years of his life and your life as well.
Finally constant depression can lead to dementia and if he is miserable now life with dementia would be intolerable.
Good luck to you and congratulations on being a cancer survivor. If you have another bedroom move in there and live your life to the fullest. Nobody says you have to around someone who refuses to get help. Maybe tough love is called for here.

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Thank you for understanding & good advice. I am trying on his better days to communicate in a positive way. He knows all of these things yet cannot move forward. He is in denial or thinks he can do it on his own. When things are bad somehow if I bring up needing help, I am the villain so in self defense I withdraw. I do appreciate your reaching out again. My post seems to have been hijacked by people wanting to debate religion so I have no engaged.

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Profile picture for roseann4z @roseann4z

Thank you for understanding & good advice. I am trying on his better days to communicate in a positive way. He knows all of these things yet cannot move forward. He is in denial or thinks he can do it on his own. When things are bad somehow if I bring up needing help, I am the villain so in self defense I withdraw. I do appreciate your reaching out again. My post seems to have been hijacked by people wanting to debate religion so I have no engaged.

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Never debate religion and what does religion have to do with depression.
Some very famous people suffered from depression. Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill come to mind.
It is really good that athletes and actors and actresses have talked openly about their struggles with depression. I hope that is causing the stigma to go away.
Good luck with your husband. There are quite a few medications he could take to help him and even though almost every medication has side effects some are worse than others and many side effects go away after you take them for a time.
Long story short depression is treatable and anyone that doesn’t seek help is hurting themselves and the people they love. Life is too short.
Once again congratulations on beating cancer. You deserve to enjoy life.

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Profile picture for daveshaw @daveshaw

Never debate religion and what does religion have to do with depression.
Some very famous people suffered from depression. Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill come to mind.
It is really good that athletes and actors and actresses have talked openly about their struggles with depression. I hope that is causing the stigma to go away.
Good luck with your husband. There are quite a few medications he could take to help him and even though almost every medication has side effects some are worse than others and many side effects go away after you take them for a time.
Long story short depression is treatable and anyone that doesn’t seek help is hurting themselves and the people they love. Life is too short.
Once again congratulations on beating cancer. You deserve to enjoy life.

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So right. Thank you! Wishing you the best in life.

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