Husband with untreated depression/anxiety
My husband has untreated depression & anxiety for most of his life. We have been married for47 years & are in our 70’s now. He has been on medication in the past and it was helpful sometimes-others not. He gave up 10 years ago because he didn’t like the side effects. He refuses counseling or even talking to me about his feelings. As we have gotten older, this has become almost unbearable for both of us. I am a cancer survivor and want to enjoy my good days & have some support on my bad. I am willing to do this for him but he’s shut off. I feel hopeless.
Does anyone have any ideas, advice, hope for me? Don’t know where to turn. Thank you!
Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.
Thank you for sharing. I’m glad he realized he needed to make some changes.
Hi Roseanne,
I'm so sorry to hear of you and your husband's problems! That is hard to cope with. I don't blame him for not wanting to take the medications because of the side effects. Sometimes the side effects can be worse than the problem. I'm sorry that you have cancer. You have a lot to handle.
Maybe you should just try telling your husband how much you love him whether he wants to hear it or not. Remind him of how you fell in love with him or how nice it was when you first met. That might help him through his depression. It also helps to minimize all the current problems. My husband died a year ago of lung cancer. We told each other often how much we loved each other and I'm so glad we did. Because when he was gone, we couldn't say that to one another anymore.
Make sure you take care of yourself and your cancer. Plan some time just for you and whatever helps you or do something that you enjoy. Your body needs some relaxation in order to fight the cancer.
Prayer also works! Just ask God for his help for both of you and help will come. God was there for me and my husband often. Now my husband is up in Heaven and we'll be together eventually. However, I still need help from God now that I'm alone and I am getting a lot of answers to my prayers!
I'll say a prayer for both you and your husband.
I wish you the best.
PML
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for reaching out to me and giving me advice at this time. It is much appreciated. I wish you happiness and peace.
I appreciate your honesty & I feel that way about my husband many times. Unfortunately we only have on child with a disability so no grandchildren but I do have good friends. Thank you for your thoughts -they are true.
Can't you tell me who made the human race was it God ?????
Hi Razorsharp,
Yes, God made the human race. He also created the entire world and the universe, the sun, the moon and the stars. God loves us because he created us. He is there for us through all our problems and also the good times. All you have to do is ask for God’s help and you will get it. Just talk to him like he’s your best friend and he is! You don’t have to go to church to find God although church can be very nice. Since my husband died a year ago this month, I have prayed constantly to God and have gotten many prayers answered. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t believe in God.
Here is the Biblical proof that God made the human race starting with Adam and Eve:
In the Bible (The King James Version) in the book of Genesis, Chapter 1, Verse 1 it states “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.” Then God created man as it states in the same book, Chapter 2, Verse 7 “And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” Then God created woman as it states in the same book of Genesis, Chapter 3 Verse 21, “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept; and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof.” Verse 22, “And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man made he a woman and brought her unto the man.”
I hope this helps you. Just keep praying to God and have faith. Everything will turn out alright for you no matter what problems you are having. I’ll say a prayer for you also.
Let me know if you have any questions. I wish you the best!
PML
Thank you for your reply PML > Now I will tell you a little bit about myself & why I asked you that question. To start with let me say that it's fine with me that you are a very big believer in God & sorry to say it, but I'm not a believer at all & why I'm not a believer.
To start with I'm 80 yrs old & had a great life, I'm still married to an Angel after
43 yrs but on 18 July 24 last year I found out I have Liver & Pancreatic Cancer with no cure only Chemo treatment. I've had 6 months of it 5hrs each time which is a killer on it own at my age, now I'm now having Immunotherapy once a month fooled up with a PET scan on the 4 month .
Ok so now you know a little bit about me. While I have been going through hell fighting my Cancer I sit in a room with lots of others who are in the same room as me and see the looks on there facers & I can see the fear in there eyes of Death. As I said, I am 80 yrs old and lots & lots of them are only aged about 18 up Boys and Girls , Also I am only talking about the Hospital that I am being treaded in, Just 1 Hospital only. As for myself I'm ready for ever is a head of me.
Now why I asked you that question about Who made us was it God ???? & your reply was Yes. Lets look at it this way. If God made us don't you think he should go back to the drawing board and start all over again because he was our maker righter ????. Why I ask you this sit back & think about all the illness
we come into this world with lots of time, kids are born with all sorts of Illness even before they take there first steps it would be hart braking to the new Mums & Dads all over the world, I am not Only talking about Cancers here I'm talking about all sorts of things from Heart or Brain or any part of out body, Remember You did say God made us, so how can anyone, not only You but anyone puts so much Faith in someone or something that made you in the first place with so many Illness. & that is Why I think God should go back to the drawing board and start all over again, only lets hope he does a much better job next time on making the human race. ??????????????
I wish you well PML & Please don't think I'm pulling you apart because in what you believe in. I have lots and lots of friends who also are believers in God but they don't try and push ever one else into believing in it just because they do.
Take Care
Hi Roseann,
I'm sorry about your husband and for what you are both going through.
There is still unnecessary stigma about seeking help for depression. I first suffered from panic attacks and depression when I was 19, in 1972. There was no understanding of depression, and the advice I got from out Dr and my parents at that time was to "grow up". That still hurts.
So I went untreated for about 30 years. I took up long-distance running in my 30s and 40s and that helped a lot. Exercise, especially vigorous cardio exercise can help alleviate depression. Of course a Dr should be consulted before beginning any such program.
When my running stopped in 2002 my depression roared back. I finally went to a new Dr and he said this was a physiological disease that was caused by the brain's inability to properly process serotonin. Anti-depressants treat this. Because it seems like a mental illness for so long, it is also suggested to start talk therapy. But depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. It is very treatable now.
I think maybe the best thing you can say to your husband is that there is no stigma associated with depression and that treatment is available. Even if he just tries an anti-depressant it will likely make him feel better, although it may take more than one try to find the right drug.
And you are being affected as well. You should talk to him about that in a supportive way - that you are also suffering from his behavior and that you want to help him.
I wish you both all the best. Depression is very, very treatable and there is nothing to be ashamed about.
Joe
Many of us have gone down the same very hard path fighting with our mental issues and looking for an easy path out. Our loved ones are scared and want us to feel better. Mental health has improved and is working to help us live through our lives. Most of us get help in changing our meds so we can be happy and enjoy life while we are on Earth. Please work with the medical experts to help you get the best meds that work now! I have and many have switched meds because your body mentally changes after a year or two or 10 or..or.. Work with the mental experts so your love ones can live happily.
Thank you very much for sharing you experience. It means a lot to me.