Husband with dementia in denial

I go to all of my husband's doctor's appointments. I keep a diary of his behaviour - I phoned his doctor and explained what was happening and made an appointment for stomach issues. (could be any issue that he is experiencing) while there, the doctor asked a few questions and did a questionnaire test. My husband did well; he has a university degree and keeps up with world affairs. After the testing, I gave my diary to the doctor, and he gave the diagnosis of Vascular Dementia and was referred to the local dementia team. The doctor informed me that the diagnosis would not have been so early without the diary. Over time, his dementia has worsened, and I still keep a diary of his behaviours, and it will probably be useful when he has to be in care.

@tooshie, I can imagine that your sister is overwhelmed caring for her husband. Have you shared Mayo Clinic Connect with her? Following the discussion here and even joining in might make her feel less alone. She can post or read any time of day or night when she is able.

Is her husband refusing to go to the doctor?

I tried an in-person support group and didn't get much out of it. I learn much more here and find more understanding. This is a great group! I don't know what I'd do without it. I hope your sister will sign up.

I also tried an in person support group but there were 20 people to speak in 90 minutes. I found it very depressing I thought their experiences would help me but found they were just venting for 10 minutes and I left feeling depressed and exhausted.

If your husband is in denial and gets angry when you discuss reason for Dr’s appointments, maybe it is just better to not discuss and just keep him safe and happy. It’s really seems better in my experience.

I too tried our “memory cafe” that the doctor suggested. They involve the person with dementia and caregivers. They give advice, play games and do crafts.

Definitely not what I need. I need to see others and hear their stories so that I feel validation. I get so much out of reading posts on this feed. Going to memory cafes just put more on my plate.

@baj I keep a journal as well. It is very helpful especially in noting his progression from where he was to where he is.

@katiemg32080, welcome. Are you also caring for someone living with dementia? I look forward to learning more about you.

When I first noticed something was different - I kept a spreadsheet of his actions. I had the printed document to hand to our PCP. She immediately ordered labs and MRI. After the results came back, she referred us to a Neurologists who did further testing to confirm. My husband had also noticed something and wanted to find out. In your sister's case, she may just need to make an appointment for "something else" as baj mentioned and share the document with the doctor.

@dig2dye2 I agree with you about going to Memory Cafe. We don't because any more appointments for him on my calendar would, I think, push me over the edge. I can hardly manage the oncologist, pain management doctor and his internist as he needs a wheel chair to get to those visits. Getting him in and out of the car is not easy as I am a small person and he is not. My husband is in the moderate dementia phase and has problems grasping what is said and then coming up with the words to reply. I think social interaction with people he doesn't know would be too much for him. He has always been an introvert and has never needed much social interaction. This might be a great option for someone in an earlier phase of dementia. I agree with you also that what I need is to share my situation and hear from others who are in the same boat. This web page is so very helpful for me.