Husband had a kidney transplant, now his rage is really getting to me

Have you tried to get help from social services? No one could fault you for seeking help? You did not cause his kidney transplants, and you don't deserve namecalling.

Hello ,
I would say the Prednisone as well. Speak with your physician and explain the situation. and hopefully they can wean or change his medication. It seems he is either upset from side effects or possibly mad at everything and you are the only person he can take his angry out on. I don't every condone verbal abuse. Is there anything else in his medications that could be the problem. Caregiving sucks at times. We are the ones who hear all the horrible things we do not deserve. Threats, accusations and outright belligerent threats! Remember that you are feeling what most of us have felt in different circumstances. 🫂

@friday1951 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I'm really glad you are here, and able to let us know about your situation.

There is a discussion in the transplants support group, that you may find helpful: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/does-it-ever-get-better-increased-aggresion-post-transplant/
I echo what others have said, that is, speak to the transplant team, and the social worker at the center where his surgery was done. Medications, the effects of surgery, and the entire recovery process all can come together and create someone you don't recognize.

Please let me know how this all plays out for you, will you?
Ginger

I have never had a transplant . Can you discuss your husbands behavior with one of his physicians? What about discussing lab results medication side effects? 2 kidney transplants is a lot of trauma. Sometimes rage and anger can be part of trauma. However his behavior is not safe is abusive and threatening your life..

My first thought is “has he had a neurological exam?”
My daughter had a bilateral lung and right kidney transplants. She was doing well for four days, then had a stroke. Her situation was attended to by the hospital. Is it possible that your husband had a mini-stroke? Maybe it was as enough to change his behaviors but might have been so mild (TIA) that it’s gone unnoticed.
Is he experiencing the beginning stages of dementia?
I believe that if people were in their best health, they would never mistreat their loved ones.
I wish you the best.

Hi, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I, too, have endured the rage of my loved one and it is scary, unfair and uncalled for. But, perhaps he is dealing with something he can't control. Prednisone caused my husband to have every bad side effect imaginable: personality change; full fledged diabetes; muscle weakness, etc. We were able to wean him off and some of the side effects disappeared. Also, my husband was diagnosed with PICS which is post intensive care syndrom. Even if your husband's surgery was over a year ago, he could still be suffering from this. The Mayo Clinic has an excellent pamplet on PICS which can help you open the door to discussion with the doctor.
Remember, you are not what your husband calls you. You are a blessing! I will pray for you.

I guess that it’s the prednisone. Years ago, my husband was thinking of divorce because he wouldn’t take my increased overall nastiness. But he noticed that my disposition had changed when I started the prednisone. (It was needed to treat a serious allergic reaction.) So he hung in there, the allergic reaction was over, and the prednisone was stopped. And we were married for 55 years before he died.

I’m probably not the best one to give advice since I’m going through something similar with my Dad. Even though I know the abuse is wrong and we don’t deserve it, it still doesn’t take away the deep pain inside… I wonder if there is a support group meeting for caregivers in addition to online because my PTSD is debilitating. Hope your situation gets better hun. 😢 🫂

I am living this same thing right now!

Husband had a liver transplant on 12/26/24. Things were up and down with recovery but he was his normal loving self. And we could not wait to resume our life.

In May, he was put on prednisone and his anti rejection drugs increased to combat rejection.

Immediately, the rage came. Identical to what you describe.

He was violent. Attacked me verbally, physically and emotionally.

He spent nearly two weeks in the hospital recently with a small block in the bile duct and an infection. They immediately stopped the prednisone and started on Zyprexa to help with mood. It is NOT helping.

He now says he wants a divorce and has been rekindling a connection with a female from his past. And I am here trying to pick myself up off the floor from the shock of who this person is that I love so much.

I wish there were warnings for this.

Prednisone, especially in high doses when given during rejection, will definitely cause rage. It really is too bad there is no warning by doctors or nurses or anyone. This forum is the only place where I could find people who understood. Prednisone was devastating to my marriage and almost ended it. We pushed thru it, however. Please know you are not alone. It is extremely hard but you both can get through this. I would give you a hug if I could.

Unfortunately just a couple of months after starting the process of a possible second transplant, my husband passed away at the beginning of 2024 due to COVID-19 which also caused him to go into kidney failure that he could never have recovered from. I sat with him for a month as he lay there in a coma, intubated in the icu. He passed 10 days before our 13th anniversary. I have still not completely accepted this reality. My dad (had PKD & one transplant) passed away 4 months later after being on dialysis for 13 years at the age of 81. I mention that because there are people who can live a fulfilled life even through kidney failure.

Thank you for posting. It is helping me to think about continuing to find support on this forum.