How Can You Help a Caregiver?

My girlfriend friend takes care of her husband and mother. She is burnt out. What can I do to help her?

My girlfriend friend takes care of her husband and mother. She is burnt out. What can I do to help her?

Hi @kaylin7, it's nice of you to post this. Have you asked your friend what you can do to help her?
Some ideas - maybe you can do some grocery shopping or run errands for her. Any chance you can stay with her charges for a short time while she goes out? Or pop over for a short visit? Bring some food? Do some cleaning or yard work? Maybe you can research resources where you live through an Office of Aging (or similar) that may be available to help her. Ask her when it is convenient to call and maybe just have a chat. Be prepared to let it go if she has to manage an emergency while you're talking.
Aside from a couple of very close friends who call regularly or text, I don't hear from less close friends. They know our situation here (my husband has Alzheimer's), but mainly they let us be. I've tried reaching out, but there's no regular interaction after that so now I don't even bother. Sometimes, it's lonely and I'm disappointed, but that's life.
Participating in Connect, I realize many people have it worse than I do and they carry on, but it seems that many caregivers are in the same situation. They are left on their own to cope and muddle through whatever.
Take care, and I wish you success in helping your friend.

Hi, @kaylin7 My name is Scott and I was my wife's caregiver during her 14+ year war with brain cancer and your post struck a chord with me as I recall how often I reached burnout points in our journey.

Caregiving is a demanding situation to be in and each person's situation is different. In my case, I had a friend who would clip little articles from the newspaper and send them to me. I called them my 30-second vacations. I also had a neighbor who would drop off a baked treat every so often, which would brighten my day.

What is your girlfriend's situation and what have you tried for her already?

Strength, Courage, & Peace

I see many ideas that really would have helped me in here -- especially things like helping with meals and housework. I would have appreciated someone sitting with my mom and visiting while I went to the grocery store, more than someone shopping for me. I guess that is the importance of knowing the person. For me, the diagnosis was really shocking and I was really in agony watching my mom suffer. Sometimes it was good for me to get outside.

Now, in the other situation I find myself in with my husband, it is a bit different. We travel to Mayo Clinic a lot. I have one sister that tells us to get a really nice meal and then she sends me the money for it on PayPal. That is super helpful in this situation.

It is very kind of you to want to help

Hi @kaylin7, it's nice of you to post this. Have you asked your friend what you can do to help her?
Some ideas - maybe you can do some grocery shopping or run errands for her. Any chance you can stay with her charges for a short time while she goes out? Or pop over for a short visit? Bring some food? Do some cleaning or yard work? Maybe you can research resources where you live through an Office of Aging (or similar) that may be available to help her. Ask her when it is convenient to call and maybe just have a chat. Be prepared to let it go if she has to manage an emergency while you're talking.
Aside from a couple of very close friends who call regularly or text, I don't hear from less close friends. They know our situation here (my husband has Alzheimer's), but mainly they let us be. I've tried reaching out, but there's no regular interaction after that so now I don't even bother. Sometimes, it's lonely and I'm disappointed, but that's life.
Participating in Connect, I realize many people have it worse than I do and they carry on, but it seems that many caregivers are in the same situation. They are left on their own to cope and muddle through whatever.
Take care, and I wish you success in helping your friend.