How to set boundaries with an adult child who threatens suicide?

@1775house
I am only human, I am not my adult child’s forever 24/7 therapist. Manipulative and abusive behavior is manipulative and abusive. It is what it is.

I am not sure what you are saying; many people, I think, want to say things that may seem manipulative just so they do not get hurt feelings or feel emotional despair. It is not a plan or attack. If you were talking to me in particular -- I try to see to have my children or my grandchildren ( even friends if they ask) look at what is going wrong today and only then look back and see if there is something that can help explain their feelings,or others behaviors that they can change, forget about or ? ......... Nearly 20 years of theray with a doctor who ask hardly anything aside from how are you doing and what about..., and I would ask about his vacation there were a whole lot of other things, but he helped me into creating those thoughts and questions above I never cried, never was angry he retired at aged 84.

@1775house
Thank you for responding. I have great difficulty sharing my situation with anyone. It’s embarrassing. My daughter will sit outside my bedroom window, in warm months, and loudly swear and curse to one of her several therapists she talks to weekly. My husband is overwhelmed with work problems, I am estranged from 2 of my siblings. After one of my daughter’s trips to psych hospital I called a help line. They were mostly concerned that I wasn’t suicidal and I’m not. I did years of therapy after one trip to psych hospital age 22. Prozac has kept me reasonably sane since that time. Being Catholic I guess it’s my cross to bear. I try to do it with a loving spirit but it stinks.

I am not going to say you shouldn't be embarrassed because you shouldn't be, since in reading what you have written, I think many of us have experienced something just as bad or known someone who has. Psych hospitals are little worlds of their own and they act just like that help line, 24-7 assuming everyone is about to commit suicide; patients are not their friends, they are closer to preschoolers on the first day and they tend to let you go home only when they think you won't commit suicide, not when you feel better. You are there for her, that is all you can do; so when she is outside your window ,she is there so you can hear her pain not that she necessarily wants you to do anything about it, she loves you and knows no other way when she doesn't feel like really being physically close. Hope something helps

@ilovemycrazyadultdtr the main thing I would tell you at this point is to take care of yourself! Maybe find a support group dealing with the same type issues or if you aren’t in therapy get back in. You need to take care of you.

Yes, I do take care of myself, I have a great friend of 43 years, she lives across the street, we get angry with each we laugh, we cry, I spoke at her husband's funeral, we talk for hours on the phone. Given all the people in my life only my husband and my children have I spent more time with! How could anyone be so lucky? That is why even when things are bad I try to look at my own four mantras (#1 was my father's)
#1 The wise know what they do not know
#2 Every success begins with a failure
#3 No one is better than me, no one is better than they are, and everyone is better at something
#4 No one is alone
At the end of each of those is a question, that is the point, I keep on asking questions, sometimes until I am tired and fall asleep is that bad? Like why did that happen, where did it go, who? if I can't figure it out sometimes rest helps. #4 No one is alone that came to me long time after every say "you're never alone" I realized yes I do feel alone if I think I have to go find someone to talk to, but it is really memories that keep you from never being alone, good memories help you remember good times and where you might go to repeat them, bad memories help you stay away, take care of yourself others, when you talk to yourself just asking simple questions are also based on memories. OK -----Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@1775house Hello kindred spirit! I too frequently repeat mantras from my childhood and would love to one day create art that reminds me of the wisdom of the ages. It is easy to get stuck and feel angry and resentful. Peace and sanity is my favorite mantra. My Dad always used TTSP, this too shall pass. If I have love in my heart I can survive

I am sure u know it is not in your wheelhouse to make someone feel better. I don’t have a professional answer for you; however, when I was placed in this situation with my grandson I reached a point that I blocked his phone calls to protect my mental and physical well-being. I decided I could not be the crutch he was looking for and the cycle was not helping him. Unfortunately I do not have contact with him but understand he is still cycling from highs to lows. My mental health took precedence over a situation that was not improving with the meltdown phone calls. He needs professional help and he is the only one that do that for himself. Some might not agree with me, but that is a personal decision.

Yes, you are right, no one is ever responsible for anyone but themselves. I think I would drown if I thought any other way. "Listening" is the only thing that might help; you might hear one thing out of a hundred that will help. That's what this is all about right?