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How to handle aggressive cancer spread?
How do you handle when your husband, the most important person in your life, is diagnosed with cancer, has been fighting it 8 months, but because of surgeries, hasn't been strong enough for chemo, but now, the latest CT scan showed the cancer has returned to the liver after a histotrispy, and spread to his lower lungs, and there's a tumor pushing on his major blood vessel that moves blood from his feet back to his heart, causing swelling - no clots.
All I can do is weep. Tears just flowing. We learned all of this two days ago. I finally ate and drank something.
His oncologist said that chemo won't change the course.
Our surgeon doesn't believe that and is reaching out for a second opinion at a different hospital. She says he has months to live if nothing is done and she says, and we agree, he should try. Chemo could prolong his life.
So we wait for an oncologist who is willing to take his case.
That makes me sick all over. When I try to sleep, I shake inside. Sometimes violently.
I need to be there for him. I need to pull it together.
These past months we have home health 4 times a week and an infusion nurse 1 time a week. Amazing people. How do we tell them? I can't have that conversation all those times -- and can't see my husband going through that...I just can't.
I'm his "nurse: dealing with TPN, hydration, illestomy, pills, mobility, and getting him to eat and drink (he does have an appetite and does eat, with extra calories coming in through TPN). I treasure every moment and am relieved and thankful I can do something for him that matters.
He's gained 45 pounds. How does a person gain wait, gain mobility and strength while aggressive cancer spreading in his body?
That doesn't go together in my head.
I'm also scared to live without him. It's been the two of us for 44 years this July. He's my everything.
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@george544
I’m sure my wife has had same devastating level as same as yours when she learned bad news from the tests or observed my pains. She cried so many nights. I can’t take that negative moments so I have taught her to calm her down.
1. I asked her to look at deeply about my situations and understand well my sickness. Sadness can’t help me at this moment so find some ways to support me.
2. I downloaded chatGPT on her phone and asked her to get help from there…it helps her a lots from get to know my cancer to figure out what kind of the foods that are good for me. It keeps her busy and she knows what to do to support me at this time.
2. For myself, I can’t let this one knock me down and I learn that I need to fight with it to the last breath. I stop thinking the past and future, just focus at this moment. I keep myself positive. Everyone looks at me and they don’t think that I have cancer and I’m suffering pain around the stoma now. I just smile and talk enough or less.
I show my wife that I still enjoy the life such as:
Look at the sky honey, it is clear and beautiful
I love the bird’s sing.
The beach is nice but the waves are rough….
Something like that keep me on this battle over 4 years, and I will continue.
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2 ReactionsWe learned yesterday that my husband has less than 6 months to live.
Our options were to focus on quality of life or try chemo to potentially extend his life.
My husband decided he wanted to try chemo.
The oncologist recommended 5-FU at 80% "strength" and by itself, not in combination with other drugs at this point.
He's concerned, as are we, how my husband will react. He's been dealing with his colon cancer since August 2025, no chemo because his second surgery to close a leak from the first colon surgery and putting in of an ileostomy hit him so hard. He lost over 60 pounds in the process and has been fighting his way back, overcoming severe sepsis and multiple blood clots. He was walking using his walker, doing arm and leg exercises and gaining weight with the help of TPN and daily hydration.
Right now, he's fighting extreme swelling in his legs and abdomen area. Physical movement is difficult with the extra weight (he's 197 lbs), gaining the last 17 pounds rapidly over the past weeks). He's tired throughout the day. No pain.
What should be expect? How should we prepare? What are some tricks you have used to make it through this journey? Are we setting him up for disaster/shortening his life by trying the chemo?
This is the hardest thing we've ever faced in our 43 years of marriage (to be 44 years in July).
All comments/recommendations appreciated.
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2 ReactionsHi @george544, checking in to see how you are doing. I was wondering if you and your husband are also getting care from palliative care specialists. Palliative care can be helpful for the whole family, including social work, symptom control and much more.
Do you have palliative care on your team?
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2 Reactions@colleenyoung
We have a meeting with them this week.
What can we expect? What should we ask for?
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2 Reactions@george544, that is good. Level of palliative services may differ from facility to facility. You will most likely be assigned a palliative care physician and/or nurse who will be in charge of managing your husband's symptoms and keeping him comfortable. They are experts in pain management.
Additional team members may include an occupational therapist (OT) who will come to your home to suggest ways to make things more comfortable. For my dad, the recommended a bar to help getting out of bed, raised toilet seat and things like that.
My parents received the same news you did more than a decade ago. Palliative care also supported my mom. She was able to talk with a palliative social worker to learn what she might expect and what services were available to her in the community, like a hospice volunteer.
Don't forget to think about the support you need to support your husband. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
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