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How to handle aggressive cancer spread?
How do you handle when your husband, the most important person in your life, is diagnosed with cancer, has been fighting it 8 months, but because of surgeries, hasn't been strong enough for chemo, but now, the latest CT scan showed the cancer has returned to the liver after a histotrispy, and spread to his lower lungs, and there's a tumor pushing on his major blood vessel that moves blood from his feet back to his heart, causing swelling - no clots.
All I can do is weep. Tears just flowing. We learned all of this two days ago. I finally ate and drank something.
His oncologist said that chemo won't change the course.
Our surgeon doesn't believe that and is reaching out for a second opinion at a different hospital. She says he has months to live if nothing is done and she says, and we agree, he should try. Chemo could prolong his life.
So we wait for an oncologist who is willing to take his case.
That makes me sick all over. When I try to sleep, I shake inside. Sometimes violently.
I need to be there for him. I need to pull it together.
These past months we have home health 4 times a week and an infusion nurse 1 time a week. Amazing people. How do we tell them? I can't have that conversation all those times -- and can't see my husband going through that...I just can't.
I'm his "nurse: dealing with TPN, hydration, illestomy, pills, mobility, and getting him to eat and drink (he does have an appetite and does eat, with extra calories coming in through TPN). I treasure every moment and am relieved and thankful I can do something for him that matters.
He's gained 45 pounds. How does a person gain wait, gain mobility and strength while aggressive cancer spreading in his body?
That doesn't go together in my head.
I'm also scared to live without him. It's been the two of us for 44 years this July. He's my everything.
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My heart goes out to both of you..i, too remember going through a related experience— it is very, very hard….hopefully your surgeon can come up with some options and that quality of life can be a major part of their goals…look for options that both of you can get behind…sometimes palliative care even gives patients a ‘’2nd wind’’ , so i would not want to rule it out if it were me…you are a loving wife and I pray you can share some special times together in any case.
Thank you for that kindness.
@nycmusic
Wow! Thank you for those caring, understanding words.
I'm so sorry you went through a similar experience.
Our surgeon recommended palliative care. We're going to connect with them and see what they offer.
Also thinking of asking Mayo Clinic for a second opinion.
And I hope my husband and I continue to have treasured moments...if only I can stop crying. The tears started again this morning looking at these emails.
A friend is asking if everything is okay...we're keeping this latest turn of events to ourselves for a little while...so don't know how to respond...
Telling others is going to feel like reliving it over and over again.
Thank you and I wish you all the best.
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1 ReactionThank you to everyone who sent a hug.
Much appreciated.
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1 ReactionAbout all one can say when people inquire is to thank them for their concern.
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1 ReactionThat’s good advice.
Has he done gene analysis yet?
Is his gene changed to a new variant? If so, what is the new gene?
I have pretty much same situations as his. All chemo treatment lines (after 42 chemo and 30 radiation treatments over 4 years) have failed to control the cancer cells. It initially works few months then cancer has come back, 3 times already, and spread to lung and liver. Luckily nodules on lung and liver are stable now but cancer is found again around stoma and last bone.
I just learned that my gene has mutated to KRAS G12D in which there is no drug/medications in the market can treat this particular gene.
My oncologist sent me to clinical trial. I hope it works.
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1 ReactionOh my gosh, you've been on a very long journey.
There hasn't been any gene testing yet, so I have no idea. His oncologist said that, up to know, he wasn't strong enough for chemo and that "chemo would have killed him." Now the same dr. is saying it's too late to try chemo.
We are sending in today, via Fed Ex , the Signatera blood test. Our oncologist sent it to us a week ago. The surgeon says it's too late for that test, but we're doing it anyway since we have it and maybe it will provide something useful. I have no idea why it wasn't done earlier. It says up to 4 weeks for results.
This week we are having a kidney workup and hopefully meeting with our cardiologist. The EKG showed the heart is the same as it was months ago, but there is a mass pushing, or inside the inferior vena cava, causing swelling in his legs.
That is such good news about the clinical trial. There's hope there. I have my fingers crossed it brings you relief and puts you on a new path.
How do you keep a positive mindset and live your life with all this going on? You sound like a miracle, survivor, and hero all rolled into one.
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2 ReactionsI have had many signatera tests. Not sure if we trust the results I the last 2 tests which indicated negative but Petscan test showed cancer present at the last bone and around the stoma.
Petscan/CTscan may be good tests.
I have support from my family, especially my wife. I do mindfulness meditation every to keep my mind from negative thoughts and just enjoy days with family.
Thank you for that.
We’ve had a number of CT scans, the most recent one being devastating.
Mindfulness can be powerful. Wish I could get my husband to embrace the approach.
The negative talk is hard. Is so important we have something positive to hang on to.
How do you help yourself be open to absorb the joyous moments? We still laugh together. It’s magical when it comes out. Is such a surprise and doesn’t fit in, seems odd and out of place. But.. wonderful.