Connect
How to deal with anger and hatred toward myself?
When I'm tired and resting I feel this anxiety and anger toward myself for sitting there. I feel like I'm always tired, but I am never doing enough somehow? I just feel inadequate. I go to God, and it just seems like He's silent. I don't know whether He talks to me or not. I know He cares for me, and I know He loves me. I have been blessed recently with a lot of things. But it seems like I have these really hard days where unless I completely exhaust myself and do at least 10 things on a list, I am not doing enough. I want to love myself. But it is just painful. Healing is pain. When I hear words that encourage self-love, I just cry and cry. It just hurts. I don't know what God wants from me either. I ask and pray, and I don't get any response. Any help is so appreciated. Thank you.
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.
Connect
Then maybe consider God wants nothing from you other than to learn to think for yourself. My father was a Southern Baptist minister. He had a doctor's degree in theology. I witnessed many people going through this dilemma. They would often come to my father and ask the same thing. Why is God silent when I need him so? I myself stood in my closet crying and praying for God to help me stop drinking. I would cry out for him to come help me. If you believe God gave you life, then what makes you think he's not waiting for us to make our own decisions and help ourselves. If there were a God that created us, then who he not want us to use this gift he gave us to guide ourselves through our lives? Its a great gift to be able to think and weigh the obstacles that block our paths. If I believed in a God I would use this gift to show him thanks for giving it to me. I dont believe in him though so I made my own choices. I chose to stop drinking. Instead of praying, I just quit drinking. It was as simple as that. It was like turning a switch off. I turned off withdrawals, cravings and desires just like that. December 5th 2021 I quit drinking a fifth of vodka a day. I'd done that for well over a decade. A 3 day hangover with hallucinations, puking and setting on the throne ended the spell. I had closed my Bible and opened my eyes. In 2020 I was a drunk in a wheelchair. Now Im clean and sober and walk twenty thousand steps a day. Last October I walked 17 miles unassisted in one day. Believe in yourself. Thats all you have to do. Believe in yourself.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
8 Reactions@trooperdogg1960
Thank you very much. What you have been through matters deeply to me, and I appreciate that perspective. I will think more on what I could do to further use this gift I have and creatively solve my problems. To tell you the truth, I stopped taking antidepressants and other medications because I was taking over 7 pills a day for my troubles. So I am going through withdrawal right now, I think. I want to exercise as well, and I hate exercising, but maybe that's why I have no energy. There's practical solutions to problems. I maybe just don't want to do the hard thing. I want someone to tell me what to do so I know it's worth it. I trust in God, so I want Him to tell me, but maybe you're right. I can't just wait around doing nothing, even if I am tired. Thank you for the push, friend.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactionsjallon1107,
What if God wants you to be happy. What if the depiction of him as an unrelenting, unreasonable task master is offensive.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
6 ReactionsYears ago, I had a conversation with a priest about forgiveness.
He said, "Part of the problem is that you're a perfectionist."
I was shocked. I said that I didn't expect people around me to be perfect at all.
He said, "Oh, with others, you're fine. But you expect *yourself* to be perfect."
He was right, I realized.
A while back, I made a YouTube episode about this, part of my "From Recovery to Discovery" channel bout my stroke journey. The episode is "Can you forgive ... Yourself?" You may find it helpful.
You don't say how old you are, but please don't be like me and wait until you're 60 years old to cut yourself some slack.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
6 Reactions@gently
I don't really view Him that way, but I do get what you mean. I expect Him to tell me to actually do something because I myself am an unrelenting task master. I just wanted to know if it's the right thing to do and exert my little energy into. I think that may be it. I need to give myself grace, but I have a hard time doing that.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@scottrl
I've messed up a lot. I appreciate the video, and I will watch it. I have a hard time giving myself grace and allowing for room to grow instead of seeing it as a failure that defines me. This was a very loving and helpful post. Thank you.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@scottrl
Also, I am 24 years old.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@jallen1107 We've all messed up a lot.
I'm cursed with an excellent memory. I can remember every selfish, stupid, thoughtless, appalling, embarrassing, mortifying thing I've ever done, in great detail.
But if someone I know had done similar things, would I forgive them?
Of course! I'd forgive and forget.
So... what's the problem with forgiving myself?
Well, I'm working on that. And it's helping. A lot.
What you have to avoid is thinking that you can't forgive yourself, therefore you're even worse than you thought you were.
No, no, no.
Embrace your humanity, including your imperfections.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 Reactions@jallen1107 You know, there's a saying that "Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of experience comes from bad judgment."
You wouldn't deliberately hurt someone else, right?
Add yourself to that list.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@trooperdogg1960
Such an insightful and courageous person you must be. A very different and more sensible outlook than AA distills in alcoholics.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction