How to ask for help

I always say it is good to have an advocate and another set of eyes and ears to go with a person to see a general practitioner or any other medical professional. That's the argument not whether or not it would be embarrassing to the person with the appointment. There's nothing like a first-hand experience in person. Ask questions, get clarification for hard to understand terms, and ask for resources to do your own research. Yes, I get a little embarrassed when my wife goes with me. She's really good at asking a ton of questions. But in the long run, I'm thankful that she comes along. I go with her on her appontments too and settle her nerves a little when she has second thoughts or needs another opinion.

You can always call your Mom's PCP and advise them of your concerns to help them prepare for the next visit. If you are not legally a health surrogate or a POA for your Mother, you need to expllore those options with an elder care attorney.

https://familycaregiversonline.net/hipaa-questions-answers-for-family-caregivers/ gives some information to answer your question. Also, may I suggest you check with your state and county's (or other municipal governing name) elder care resource. They have typically a wealth of information, resources and suggestions to offer.

Hello januaryjane.
Thanks for posting your concerns. I would speak to her GP anyway and share your concerns with him. I'm sure he would appreciate your objective observations as well as the subjective responses from your mom. It could give him more perspective on his approach to her care plan. Very similar to Royce's comments, I have to be proactive at being my wife's advocate. Since her memory and cognitive abilities have been compromised I'm her back-up Icloud. I have found that everywhere we've been with regard to my wife's cancer surgeries and treatments physicians and support clinicians put value on the family and caregivers feedback. Maybe check in with a social worker to get clarity in terms of HIPAA encroachments. They may have a clever way of including you as a resource.
Best Wishes
Ernie

When you take her to the next Dr appointment go with her to the examining room. Tell her you want to make sure you are taking care or helping her since you are not sure if you are doing it correctly. Take a note pad to show you want to take notes in case you can’t be there for her

I would make an appt. with her PCP. Make a list. Explain and if they need DPOA. I would only give a copy. Some PCP's want permission from the patient. I was able to get permission from my spouse. He does not understand what some if his physicians mean.
I give him an easy way to not feel threatened or scared about anything by relaying it in our home or when filling out important information. I usually make our appointments on the same day. I want my spouse to know I have his back. Always reassure and see if they have questions about health problems.

No she won't let me.

Thank you. I've never heard of DPOA. She will not let me go with her. She's very defiant, only 70 and a retired RN.

I don't have a POA or anything legal. She's still able to take care of herself and she is denying help. Not sure what I can do. At this moment getting into legal stuff isn't going to happen.

It puts you in a bad situation for her to not appoint you as Healthcare POA and Durable POA while she’s still competent. Because, she’ll likely eventually encounter a crisis or need help. At that point, she may not be able to appoint anyone. Then, the courts may have need to appoint someone. It’s so frustrating when seniors resist help.

I’m not aware of anything that prevents family members from sending information to their parent’s doctor. He may not be able to respond, but as long as he gets the info.

Do you think your mom would want to take any of the dementia meds like Aricept, if given the chance? My dad takes two and they seem to have really helped with his progression.

Good luck. I’ll just add that becoming involved with a parent’s medical/personal care can be a thankless job. I wish I had not taken on the role with my parents. Do you have anyone else who can take this on?