How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

@jakedduck1

I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again,

Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time

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👵🏻😂

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@johnbishop

Thought you all might enjoy Ray Stevens new The Quarantine Song

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Love it.

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The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you find your wife sitting in a chair… Kill her!!”

The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”

The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”

The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room.

All was quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn.

She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one after another.

They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

“This gun is loaded with blanks” she said.

“I had to kill him with the chair!”

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Women are rather creative like that, right?!

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@pianopain12

Women are rather creative like that, right?!

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😂🤣😂

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A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?"

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."

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Waiter: "How do you like your steak, sir?" Sir: "Like winning an argument with my wife." Waiter: "Rare it is."

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When can women make you a millionaire? When you're a billionaire.

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Adultery is a sin.
You can’t have you Kate and Edith too.

FL Mary

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The moderator of a support group was giving her opening speech.

“Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the crowd today and, I have to say, I am very disappointed.”

FL Mary

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@imallears

The moderator of a support group was giving her opening speech.

“Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the crowd today and, I have to say, I am very disappointed.”

FL Mary

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😂🤣

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Younger folks might not have had the joy of watching Foster Brooks doing roasts on the Dean Martin show but he was one of the funniest role playing comedians I've ever seen – lots of belly laughs

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