Health issues, mental illness, insomnia

This is my first time posting but I’m struggling so much and could really use the support. I’ve never been a happy person, even back to my early teens. I wasn’t diagnosed with depression and anxiety until I was about 21, now 44. I was in a physically/mentally abusive marriage for 14 years, which only made the depression and anxiety worse. I have been in several acute mental care facilities until I went to a residential treatment facility for 2 months in 2017, during a very ugly, long divorce, and after an attempted suicide. This treatment helped me so much, I was diagnosed with PTSD and realized I had a drinking problem and haven’t drank since then. When I got home from this treatment, I was doing so good mentally but months later started having one major medical issue after another, this has been going on the last 7 years. At the end of my divorce, I met a great man and we are now married and he is so supportive and I believe I’m truly loved for first time in my life. In 2020, still in a terrible divorce, my ex was drunk and accidentally shot and killed himself in front of my 18 year old son. My son has nothing to do with me now and I really have grieved this the last several years, while dealing with not understanding feelings I have about his death, the past, and what he continues to do to me and my kids.
The last 9 months, my health has really declined and it’s been one thing after another. Every time I see light at end of tunnel, something else happens, and the tunnel just gets longer. The last 9 months, my sleeping has declined to its worst. I sleep 0-6 hours a night, on average I sleep 3-4 hours in a 24 hour period. The last few months, I’m having a hard time understanding how to live this way. No sleep, grieving my son, all the new medical issues, all the pain, and having no quality of life. I am doing every single thing, every single doctor tells me to do. This includes a sleep phycologist at Mayo, sleep neurologist, physical medicine doctor, internal doctor at Mayo (which finally gave me an overall diagnosis that is causing all these things to happen in my body), my home psychiatrist that is working off recommendations from Mayo psychiatrist, and doing all these things physical therapy exercises and recommendations for months now… and I’m still not sleeping, I’m in so much pain, and now I’ve had three infections in last 4 weeks requiring 3 rounds of antibiotics….
Everyone tells me to stay positive and I do pretty good for about a week or two then it all gets to me again and the cycle goes on and on, over and over. I’m in a happy marriage now, I have a new grandson (which I can only hold a few minutes, can’t pick him up or walk with him, and can’t even keep him to help my daughter), my daughter and parents are very supportive , as well. I’ve had 2 best friends for about 40 years but the last year they both have really backed off, my som doesn’t talk to me, my brother has quit talking to me and hasn’t even asked once how I’m doing the last 9 months… I feel like I’m too much for people and that breaks my heart and makes me feel lonely even when I know I have these 4 people in my life that do love and support me….
I see a counselor every week and we talk about all of this but feel like I need something more. Maybe some more understanding or someone who can relate to all this, I really don’t know what I’m looking for but I’m tired of crying and wanting to give up, despite doing all the right things.
Thank you for taking the time to read, I know this was super long.