Gratitude Discussion Group

That is a lot of losses to remember, @contentandwell. I feel for you!

@jakedduck1 no, even if there was a good space for it the town ordinances would not allow that.
JK

@parus

Lucky you! No fair. One granddaughter lives around 2000 miles from me, and the other two little ones are around 450 miles away. The littlest one is 8 months old and I wish I could be there holding her or reading books to the 3 year old. Our son lives in Indianapolis. His girl is in 1st grade, and he sent us a video yesterday of his daughter being baptized.

Both my wife and I have said we'd be happy to be hermits. We like our country home with acres of space between us and the neighbors, and with lots of space for gardens. One neighbor leases our 8 acres of pasture for her horses and cows. It's convenient for them, just open the gate and the animals have room to run and graze. The two best things about the arrangement is that they take care of the irrigation all summer, and we get to see the cows and horses.

You know that I've gone through some deep depression, and one thing that I wanted was to isolate. I know that that's counter productive, but try telling that to a depressed person! I think that a balance of social interaction and having personal space is healthy. How that works out is different for each person.

I know what you mean about the 99 messages in the inbox. I tend to delete a lot of them because there isn't enough time in a day to jump into every conversation. Sometimes what I look for is certain people's names, @parus being one of them. I can't seem to help wanting to say thank you, or share something we have in common.

It's great to have activities we enjoy. You with your painting, me with my gardens and others with their travels or birds or pets. All good things that make us want to see what's around the corner tomorrow.

Have a good rest tonight.

Jim

Hi @jimhd I am fortunate to have my grandson close. He is my inspiration on many levels. I also cannot participate with everything and endeavor to keep in touch with those I have/know more of their history. We both share the love of nature and the quieter life. I have always been a more solitary person even when young and healthy. Crowds/noise exhausted me then so I do so as this is my comfort zone. I try to socialize and it drains me way too much. I swing by here to do what I can to stay connected and comment at times. I do things I enjoy when strength allows. I try to not fight the emotional/physical pain as doing so is far more exhausting.
PTSD is still a hurdle. I think I am past something and I am not. There are things that still flare my inside rage. Not proud of this. Therapy has not helped. I know my triggers and avoid them. I do what is best and healthiest for me and no longer concern myself with what others think.
I did rest well last night which helps so very much. I do look forward to seeing what is around the corner in a new day-even if I do tuck my tail at some surprises.

@parus

You said you're not proud of the anger you feel when PTSD is triggered. My first response to that is that anger is an appropriate reaction. Not being proud of it implies to me that you feel guilt or shame for feeling angry.

I wonder how your anger presents. Physical response or mental or emotional response?

I was raised with the notion that anger was bad or wrong, and not allowed to express it. So, coping with it has been an ongoing struggle for me as an adult. It wasn't just anger that was banned. Tears, fear, frustration - expressing anything like those things was supposed to be suppressed. The result was that I kept everything in and wore the "I'm fine" mask. Not very healthy or productive. I wish my parents had taught us how to express instead of suppress our inner thoughts.

I think I've learned that anger in itself isn't bad. Rather, it's the expression of it that's important. Neither suppression nor eruption is usually the answer. It lies somewhere between the two. The word balance is a good one to apply to how we live out our lives.

So, what do you think? Any suggestions for me as to expressing anger and all its siblings appropriately? My 5 siblings and I have worked around the issues in our own ways.

Of course, our parents loved us and raised us to be loving, productive adults in many positive ways. I don't want to give the idea that our family was dysfunctional. We are and always have been a close knit bunch.

Jim

@jimhd Ridding myself of anger once I decided to stop suppressing it or acting out inappropriately has many faces. First I need to acknowledge that I am angry and then if it is appropriate. If so, I need to practice in my head how I am going to react and what I am going to say. This gets easy because it is usually the same behavior from the same people that set me off. Sometimes I decide to let it go because the person is so defensive and in denial that no amount of healthy discussion is possible. In these cases it is like my faith . . . I am only the messenger, I provide the message and leave. I do not stand and wait for a negative response or agreement. I have to let go of the outcome. I am still responsible to give the message, but I am not responsible for the actions/reactions of anyone but myself. I cannot allow myself to take a browbeating, so I leave. Then, I pray for them. No, not for them to die a prolonged and painful death. I pray they reach understanding, peace and happiness. Because I want that for myself, I cannot withhold that from anyone else.

Now, my soapbox is again in storage. Blessings on your search for anger management.

I am grateful to be alive and grateful to have a warm place to be with good food available. Today I am struggling with all the emotions of a family pre-grieving the death of our Mother. She has been in the hospital since Wednesday and I really thought she would go home again, but her heart and lungs are now failing and to treat either one puts the other at risk. I am prepared and Mother is prepared. She has been ready to go for a long time. Not all the siblings/grandchildren are ready though and with our family dynamics it is reasonable to expect nasty looks, snide remarks and raised voices. If you can spare me a prayer to remain calm through the family storm, I very much appreciate that. Some people will fight to the death. I want peace.

Prayers from Kentucky.

I can relate. Prayers from Tammy in Florida.

@2011panc It's a difficult time, to be sure. My family went through a similar situation. I am so glad you shared this with us, and hope your calmness and your mother's acceptance will continue to sustain you. You cannot be held accountable for your family's reactions, no matter how they try! BTDT.
Sending prayers of peace.
Ginger