Givers and Takers - letting off steam

@nrocpop
Oh, you darling person, how your response touched me today! You have been through SO much, and I imagine needed someone to listen in order to retain your sanity!!!! And, We ALL are THAT person sometimes! Let me tell you, your transparency today is balm to my isolated soul! Like me, you probably listen and listen to others at different times of life. But then, sometimes, all the “stuff” comes tumbling out when someone pauses to listen to you—even if you never intended to go there! I am caregiver to my 94 year old father, who has been and is currently going through multiple serious health challenges. I won’t go on and on here, but the struggle for us all is REAL. We were finally home yesterday and he was served hot food by three (he did have breakfast before all the imaging, IV treatment, etc etc happened)—but I had yet to eat, as I needed to clean up a situation in his room and start his laundry, etc. When he wanted me to stop and review his phone messages (he cannot see well), I didn’t lose it but I told him I would have to get to it later (and probably my facial expression mirrored my annoyance—no poker face here). I never do that—it would have only taken a couple of minutes! But I was annoyed after he had been complaining about his lack of freedom (I had asked him to wash his hands with soap and water after the “situation”), and I didn’t say anything to him (like, “You aren’t the only one whose freedom is lacking!”). BUT I did complain to a friend I called —who has a surgery this Friday, and who already had a double mastectomy last month, when she asked about our situation here! I did eventually set it aside to talk about HER, which was the whole purpose of my call. But good golly! I can’t believe I spent ANY time talking about my annoyance, when she is facing all she has on her plate!

I woke up this morning berating myself for being annoyed in the first place, and for speaking it out to her like I did. I do regret it. But you know what? We are only human. I’m not going to have perfect performance always. Realizing we want to do better is good, I think. And we need to give each other, and ourselves, grace in all this. You did that for me this morning. Thank you!

You know, I am VERY sorry to say that I am sometimes that person. I was so overwhelmed by my mom's cancer and death and then my husband's cancer that I sometimes lost track of the idea that most people, or maybe everyone, has major problems of their own. I don't know why I am like this and I don't want to be. I battle to be a good listener all the time because I really do love the people I am talking to. I am sorry that you have to deal with a person like me. If it were me, I would appreciate it being pointed out to me gently that I am doing all the talking. I would not even mind if someone pointed that out over and over and over. I know it is a weakness of mine and I just am so relieved to have someone to talk to that I get lost in the selfishness. I wonder if this cousin would want to be reminded to listen more.

@nrocpop
Oh, you darling person, how your response touched me today! You have been through SO much, and I imagine needed someone to listen in order to retain your sanity!!!! And, We ALL are THAT person sometimes! Let me tell you, your transparency today is balm to my isolated soul! Like me, you probably listen and listen to others at different times of life. But then, sometimes, all the “stuff” comes tumbling out when someone pauses to listen to you—even if you never intended to go there! I am caregiver to my 94 year old father, who has been and is currently going through multiple serious health challenges. I won’t go on and on here, but the struggle for us all is REAL. We were finally home yesterday and he was served hot food by three (he did have breakfast before all the imaging, IV treatment, etc etc happened)—but I had yet to eat, as I needed to clean up a situation in his room and start his laundry, etc. When he wanted me to stop and review his phone messages (he cannot see well), I didn’t lose it but I told him I would have to get to it later (and probably my facial expression mirrored my annoyance—no poker face here). I never do that—it would have only taken a couple of minutes! But I was annoyed after he had been complaining about his lack of freedom (I had asked him to wash his hands with soap and water after the “situation”), and I didn’t say anything to him (like, “You aren’t the only one whose freedom is lacking!”). BUT I did complain to a friend I called —who has a surgery this Friday, and who already had a double mastectomy last month, when she asked about our situation here! I did eventually set it aside to talk about HER, which was the whole purpose of my call. But good golly! I can’t believe I spent ANY time talking about my annoyance, when she is facing all she has on her plate!

I woke up this morning berating myself for being annoyed in the first place, and for speaking it out to her like I did. I do regret it. But you know what? We are only human. I’m not going to have perfect performance always. Realizing we want to do better is good, I think. And we need to give each other, and ourselves, grace in all this. You did that for me this morning. Thank you!

You know, I am VERY sorry to say that I am sometimes that person. I was so overwhelmed by my mom's cancer and death and then my husband's cancer that I sometimes lost track of the idea that most people, or maybe everyone, has major problems of their own. I don't know why I am like this and I don't want to be. I battle to be a good listener all the time because I really do love the people I am talking to. I am sorry that you have to deal with a person like me. If it were me, I would appreciate it being pointed out to me gently that I am doing all the talking. I would not even mind if someone pointed that out over and over and over. I know it is a weakness of mine and I just am so relieved to have someone to talk to that I get lost in the selfishness. I wonder if this cousin would want to be reminded to listen more.

@babbsjoy If she is a friend that you value you can always call your her this week and just say, ”let’s start our conversation over. I shouldn’t have talked so much and I really want to know how you are doing!”
Do you think that could work?