For those of us without family - Who will take care of you ?

Posted by ginger123 @ginger123, Feb 18, 2024

As I age, not having children or close family, I’m beginning to ask myself who will see to my care, when I can no longer take care of myself. And, who should I name in my Will to be executor….. I don’t want to burden friends, as I have a complicated estate. And friends my age have their own challenges..

I’m fortunate to have financial resources, but no children or close family. I’d like to get things in order while I’m still healthy. May I have your ideas?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

Profile picture for azdesertgirl @azdesertgirl

I’m in the same boat as you are. I’m only 65, but I have too many chronic health conditions to mention, They all stem from complex post traumatic stress disorder. Having this condition prematurely ends one’s life by up to 20 years.
I’ve already pre-need planned my cremation and burial arrangements. I’ll be buried alongside my mother.
I have been searching for a private fiduciary to be secured to be on standby, meaning when I become incapacitated. I’m in the process of changing my legal documents over, but I’m searching for continuing care for my three wonderful cat companions. I have no close friends or anyone who would care for them together, for the rest of their life.
This has become a hiccup as I don’t have unlimited financial resources.
I can hire a geriatric case manager for my current major medical needs, to be my emergency contact. But they are very expensive; $200/hour.
I have a phone app, called Snug, that sends me a notification once a day, to check in with me. If I don’t or can’t hit the button on my phone, they will reach out to me. If I don’t respond, they will call the first responders to come do a welfare check.
I have a posted medical record and medication listing by my front door, hanging in a plastic file envelope for first responders. I need to update it though, when I update my legal documents. It’s posted through my states health registry. Sorry that I can’t recall the name. The first responders can gain access to it anywhere in case one is in a vehicle accident or emergency at home. You must have it notarized first, scanned, and uploaded to their website.

I’ve worked tirelessly to get this far, but I still work hard to plan for the inevitable. It sucks to be alone! I’m a good person, but it’s hard to make friends these days. Good friends that are still around for a lifetime. I would be a good friend for someone else, as I value meaningful friendships. I’m very loyal, mostly now to myself these days. I’ve shared a great deal of my efforts here to help someone else in my similar situation. I’m working to declutter my house now but it’s more difficult than I had thought.
Take one step at a time each day to handle these important tasks now. It brings special peace of mind.

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@azdesertgirl I’m sorry to hear of your ill health from PTSD and your worry for your 3 cats.

So many helpful and varied things in your post including decluttering, collating your medical information and making it easily accessible, having an automated phone check in etc.

I am alone with my 2 dogs and while I do have family and friends there are limits to what you can ask/expect - especially with those also getting older themselves and also with their own health and fitness challenges.

So important to do as you’re doing and planning ahead as much as you can.

I am lucky that I have financial resources behind me which does make it easier to engage help. I do need to think more about what I need to get organised for when my cancer comes back

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Profile picture for olman @olman

I go to see “ a medicine man, “
so to speak
Over time there were 4 medicine men and one women
Each confidently, positively, convincingly Yet it’s difficult to draw a STRAIGHT LINE, between MM 1 -5 it occurred to me that only 1.5 listened and heard what was physically and mentally happening to me in less than 6 months period of time
Last Friday “ The Main Man” declared that I was in remission fast that any one in the clinic.
Does it make sense for MM ask PATIENT: so tell me EVERYTHING YOU DID OVER THIS LAST 6 months?
I do!
He didn’t! He awkwardly hugged me and told me to exercise and eat salad.

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@olman Your last doctor visit left you “needing” more answers, but as you say, part of them weren’t even listening to you. Holistic or Western medicine, don’t have all the answers, especially in the area of mental health expertise. I say this from my own experience.
I am trying to have a more spiritual approach to life focusing on the simple things I can be grateful for. It’s hard to make that transition, boy do I know.
Gratitude is my goal although I’m busying completing other tasks that get in the way.
I have bought the latest best seller novel to escape in. The weather where I live is perfect to go for a walk. Going out to dinner with a friend or by myself awaits. Do any of these things bring you joy? Diet and exercise are important, but not what you really needed to hear.
Find something today that makes you feel alive and grateful. I will try to do the same. Prayer and positive affirmations can go a long way for having emotional safety in a difficult situation. Peace be with you. Hugs

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Profile picture for olman @olman

I came up with a new GREATEST SOLUTION to the situation

Can I get some form of protection for my idea? Intellectual property

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@olman Contact the Patent Office in DC.

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I am an elder orphan. I am wondering who to list as my emergency contact.

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Profile picture for jamessaxo @jamessaxo

Regular church goers when sick are supported. Food gets brought to house. Jobs get done. People just want to help.
Join a group, any group, the bigger the better. And smile when talking or listening. Go for it.
James

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@jamessaxo

This is not a long term solution.

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Profile picture for jip499 @jip499

I am an elder orphan. I am wondering who to list as my emergency contact.

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@jip499 social service organizations may be able to connect you with a lawyer to solve this…you will really want to trust whoever it is…beware of people who can do you financial harm.

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I am in a similar situation. I don't have an abundance of resources and I am aging, for the most part, alone. I often am afraid of what will happen to me. Will someone find me just roaming the streets one day. Any positive feedback would be appreciated.

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Is there an Estate Lawyer you could talk to. Check with friends or neighbors to see if they have one.

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In my modest town there are a few fiduciary firms who take over dealing with the interests and care of elders who have no family. I'm not going to name firms, because I'm not going to recommend any firm over any others; I don't know enough about the individual firms to do that. They are required by law to look after their clients' best interest. A friend of mine was a partner in one such firm until she retired a few years ago. She found elder housing for clients, paid their bills, checked in on them, took care of myriad odds and ends. It does cost, but when no one else is available, there are firms who do this work. You might check with an elder law attorney for info in your location on what options are available. Good luck.

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We have the same problem. Make and keep as many friends as you can, some of them may outlive you! Re: an executor for your will, your lawyer will likely do it for you. At least you’ll know there will be no arguments between relatives when the will is “read”.

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