For those of us without family - Who will take care of you ?

Posted by ginger123 @ginger123, Feb 18 9:28am

As I age, not having children or close family, I’m beginning to ask myself who will see to my care, when I can no longer take care of myself. And, who should I name in my Will to be executor….. I don’t want to burden friends, as I have a complicated estate. And friends my age have their own challenges..

I’m fortunate to have financial resources, but no children or close family. I’d like to get things in order while I’m still healthy. May I have your ideas?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

We are looking into long term care insurance. Taking care of MIL showed me how much we need it. It’s not just the day to day care it’s the nursing care required that runs into unreal expense. She is home and it’s not feasible long term (sadly) but we are doing what we can while we can. Being in a flare up I can’t do what I’ve done. So it puts more pressure on my guy to establish meals, scheduling care, etc, etc. So you are doing the right thing looking into it now. I’ve heard putting someone on the hcp who is not emotionally invested so when it comes time to do what needs to be done, they can make the decisions per hcp with less upset…then again, its a personal choice. All the best.

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My Mom is in an asst living facility, but too heavy care so we had to hire private caregivers in order to keep her there. Horrendously expensive, and her long term care insurance ran out.
She has me and my sister to oversee her care.

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Hello Ginger,

Your post is very relevant to a lot of worries that many of us wake up with.. certainly myself included..my wife and I have no children and a few distant relatives that we haven’t seen in years…all of our frierhsve passed on or moved on…what we have is an attorney to be executer if both of us are gone…we have a pretty good estate and both of our retirement incomes make us comfortable but not worry free, and for the exact reasons you have mentioned in the title and context of your post…truth is I don’t know..and it scares me…it’s most likely one of the reasons for my morning anxiety…we live in an over 55 community ( that sounds young !) and we have seen over the last 10 years folks be cared for by their children or relatives and eventually just going..my suggestion to you — who have tirelessly helped so many here, is to perhaps find an attorney or a law firm that you can trust to be executer for you..that’s a big trust leap and bound..but I think it’s something that is important and thanks 🙏 for bringing this topic up…my next door neighbor has had to struggle with health problems and it’s depressing… I wonder how I would hold up..he’s lost his wife, his son rarely comes by…but yes we are pretty much where you are with our situation…we will have to see an attorney soon to have our will updated…. I can’t think of anything else … I hope 🤞 the best decision for you…🙏pvctom

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@pvctom2021

Hello Ginger,

Your post is very relevant to a lot of worries that many of us wake up with.. certainly myself included..my wife and I have no children and a few distant relatives that we haven’t seen in years…all of our frierhsve passed on or moved on…what we have is an attorney to be executer if both of us are gone…we have a pretty good estate and both of our retirement incomes make us comfortable but not worry free, and for the exact reasons you have mentioned in the title and context of your post…truth is I don’t know..and it scares me…it’s most likely one of the reasons for my morning anxiety…we live in an over 55 community ( that sounds young !) and we have seen over the last 10 years folks be cared for by their children or relatives and eventually just going..my suggestion to you — who have tirelessly helped so many here, is to perhaps find an attorney or a law firm that you can trust to be executer for you..that’s a big trust leap and bound..but I think it’s something that is important and thanks 🙏 for bringing this topic up…my next door neighbor has had to struggle with health problems and it’s depressing… I wonder how I would hold up..he’s lost his wife, his son rarely comes by…but yes we are pretty much where you are with our situation…we will have to see an attorney soon to have our will updated…. I can’t think of anything else … I hope 🤞 the best decision for you…🙏pvctom

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Thank you for your comments. I, too, am in the process of Will revision. I’ve had a trusted attorney for 35 yrs, but he’s older than I am! I think Navigating these challenges will take time.

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Yes, they will … good luck 🍀

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May I ask your age? I am nearly 76. These are issues that I face as well. Although I have a wonderful partner..also in his 70s..I will have no one except a cousin who is older than me but she has children and grandchildren who will care for her.

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@gravity3

May I ask your age? I am nearly 76. These are issues that I face as well. Although I have a wonderful partner..also in his 70s..I will have no one except a cousin who is older than me but she has children and grandchildren who will care for her.

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I’m just a couple of years younger than you.

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Do you have good senior resources where you live?

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@nemo1

We are looking into long term care insurance. Taking care of MIL showed me how much we need it. It’s not just the day to day care it’s the nursing care required that runs into unreal expense. She is home and it’s not feasible long term (sadly) but we are doing what we can while we can. Being in a flare up I can’t do what I’ve done. So it puts more pressure on my guy to establish meals, scheduling care, etc, etc. So you are doing the right thing looking into it now. I’ve heard putting someone on the hcp who is not emotionally invested so when it comes time to do what needs to be done, they can make the decisions per hcp with less upset…then again, its a personal choice. All the best.

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Frontline on PBS had a great presentation. Just search aging on their website. Scary as heck but better to know

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@gravity3

Do you have good senior resources where you live?

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Not particularly good senior resources. There is hospice care, of course. And in home caregiving companies. The senior centers are overwhelmed.

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