FMLA and working full time as Caregiver

Posted by Kristine caregiver @annebeth, 19 hours ago

As my husband deals with end stage renal failure with daily peritoneal dialysis, it comes along with difficult to regulate blood pressure since the kidneys regulate BP, which brings dizziness and lightheadedness and nausea. This, and the kidney disease, bring reduced appetite which can make regulating blood sugar as a Type 1 Diabetic difficult, which brings more fatigue, dizziness, nausea, etc. Add in the limited diet with dialysis which drops appetite more. There's likely some autonomic neuropathy as well. Add in alarms and occluded dialysis lines, sometimes requiring middle of the night manual draining, and it's easy to see that together we have some good days and some bad ones. Sleep deprivation and anxiety hit me too, as he deals with that plus the physical effects and med changes, etc. , Therefore, our physicians recommended and wrote the forms in support of up to 5 days of excused work absence for me per month. I asked for 1-2 days for job protection, but the doctor insisted that wasn't enough. We are now 10 months in since dialysis started and except for a few days off initially last year for dialysis equipment training, and 2 days off to caretake my niece who donated a kidney for him, I have not taken any days off, even when up all night caring for my ill husband or for days when he's unstable and I'm afraid to leave him alone. When I first got word that my niece's donation was expected the following week, I notified my supervisor and while they said 'OK" they also said to realize that were "short staffed" with one person on maternity leave, another on medical leave and another who just left the department for a new job, etc. I was kind of stunned and not expecting that...it felt like an implication that I wasn't a team player if I actually used the approved FMLA. Thankfully, the donation got pushed back by a month, but I still feel that I shouldn't use the time, and I keep pushing myself. How are other full time working caregivers managing?

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pml | @pml | 16 hours ago

I'm so sorry that your husband is so ill and you are having such a hard time both working and caring for him. That's very difficult to do. I admire you for doing it! My husband had lung cancer. I was his caregiver and I do understand the fatigue etc. We were both retired so I wasn't working outside of the home but it still was very tiring! He had stage 4 lung cancer for 14 years before he went up to Heaven in 2024. I was glad that we had that time together. I still miss him. We loved each other very much.

Your place of employment does not sound very supportive which is too bad. If you can financially do it, I would just quit your job and take care of your poor sick husband. He needs you badly right now. It's a possibility that you won't have him with you forever. You will be glad that the two of you had that time together. I'm sure you both love each other very much.

One thing that helped my husband and myself was prayer. We prayed every day and God was there for us. God got us through a very difficult time and he's still helping me get through a very sad time. I'll say a prayer for you and your husband.
I wish you the best.
PML

standinginfaith | @standinginfaith | 4 hours ago

I waited as long as I could before taking FMLA to do hospice with my husband..alone..it's your legal right.. when he passed I called within 15 minutes to let my supervisor know..(haspice had arrived and were cleaning him up) .. the next day he called and said he got an email..I..yes I needed a doctor's note to come back to work..I said "no I don't the one who was sick died" .. we were headquartered in California..I was a sales rep in Oklahoma.. and they were suing hR out of Chicago.. well I finally said you all are making me LATE for my husband's visitation..and called California myself directly and got some smarty young lady who said "I don't have time for this"..lost it!! I told her "you better or I'm calling DC.. you're sitting there with your shiny shoes under your desk and making me late for my husband's visitation"..(at this point I has had it with them.. and fighting the VA) so.. she found the time.. and said "oh you're right , you don't have to have a doctors excuse".. and I was late to his visitation.. so I say take it..and if they give you one bit of crap.. call the Feds!! He is your precious husband!! They aren't even allowed to take retribution against you (this happened to me in 2011..so you might double check).. my heart goes out to you!! You have enough to deal with without pressure from some you know what's on the job!! Prayers, love and hugs!!