Finding New Things (and people)

I’m really sorry about how you’re feeling because I suffer from the same thing. I stopped working after the pandemic started and shortly afterwards I had to deal with cancer, I definitely stopped living my life due to health anxiety, it’s similar to what you described but different too. I know that distraction is advised, getting busy with others and just doing things, it sounds easy but I still struggle with it. I read that you’re not working, is there a reason why or did you recently retire? Also I think you’re trying to get involved with other people but nothing has changed yet, if you can try asking someone what they know about social gatherings or maybe taking a course in something you like and never had time to try it, don’t worry because I’m confident you’ll find something eventually that will make you feel more comfortable with your new lifestyle, best wishes.

Hi,
I'm glad you attend meetings. For me it was crucial so I could meet new people and wade my way through life without using. I live in the sticks but if I want, there seems to be a campout or some sort of get to gether every weekend if I'm willing to drive a few miles. After the meetings ask if anyone wants to go to a restaurant for some socialization and fellowship. It always leads to more fellowship.

I can honestly say it took a few months to get comfortable in my own skin and until I did I was not happy. Self pity was front and center as was the pull to 'go back' to the places I know I can not go back to if I want to stay clean. I must say that the new 'fun' is a different kind of fun than before.

My wife and I have recently retired and have found out that volunteering and helping others is very rewarding and a great way to meet other people. I don't want another job but working is a great and productive way to fill in the hours between our social schedules.

If you have 48 hours clean you can be a great resource to someone that is just walking in the door with none. Like Dr Bob learned the best way to help yourself is to help someone else.

I know how you feel. I don't think humans are meant to sit around looking at four walls. I looked for something to do for years and years as I had not planned to retire but had to for medical reasons. It too a lot of perserverence to get out there again.

It was dreadfully boring being "retired".

I tried four different volunteer jobs, but I didn't find it "rewarding" as it was always something boring there too, and it does cost gas to get back and forth, and for some reason I rather resented the fact everyone around me were making money and because I was old, they thought I should work for free? If they gave me something to do that was interesting and used my brain, that would be one thing, but doing boring things like making phone calls or stuffing envelops...they always gave me none physical things to do, as if my legs were broke. lol.

I finally a part time job, finally a months ago, after hundreds of resumes and contacting companies, as it isn't easy to get a job after you are 55. I am nearly 70 and healthy once again.

My new part time job is watching kids afterschool. Yes, it is noisy and chaotic but it makes the time at home alone more valuable, and the kids make me laugh, as well as watching the 20 somethings who are my coworkers, trying to figure out kids. I also have a coworker who is closer to my age and now I have a new friend I enjoy chatting with at work while watching the kiddos. The money also pays for my gas to go back and forth, plus a little for trips to see family when that happens.

I may be 70 but going back to work and making real money is where I want to be. It is just who I am and when I got retired for medical reasons at age 58, well that was a disaster. Then I was 65 when I finally got well enough to work again...but the discrimination against older people trying to get a job is terrible.

I have also considered foster care for babies, but full time 24/7 responsibility is more than I need after a lifetime of responsibility. Another thing to think about doing is hosting exchange students or be a foreign host for world travelers, look on line for people from other countries and host them in your home if you can...

I found that when I got sober, I had to stay really busy. Sometimes I made 3 meetings a day and I needed that at the time. I worked as much as possible and also looked forward to meetings. If you have the time, you could check with AA's main office ( or N.A.) and see if the need anyone to answer the phones or reply to emails. There are also other organizations surrounding addiction that you might be able to do. Are you interested in finding a new career? You might take a class at a University or college either in person or online. I do not know what state you live, but in Tennessee, the state offers Certified Peer Recovery Support classes and this can lead to jobs in the field of addiction. I am 54 and I started graduate school, online, during the pandemic and I am working on a Master's in Social Work. I found that I want to work with people like me, in recovery or trying to get sober. I also have had Long COVID for over 3 years and I want to be able to work remotely as a therapist or counselor (addiction, grief, trauma, chronic illnesses). It feels different to be sober and you reached out to this community. Although I do not know these folks personally, I have gotten a lot of support and feel less isolated. Hang in there. Nice to meet you!!!!

I see myself in many of these posts. I am also in recovery, but due to severe osteoporosis, I must use a walker and need a wheelchair to go anywhere. Wheelchair transport costs $150 - $200 per round trip to get to Mayo appointments. For this reason, I cannot go to meetings. I live in a rural area, so I am blessed to look out a window and not see a wall 6’ away. But I never see anyone or talk with anyone- even the UPS driver is gone before I can get to the door to say “hi.” Volunteer work would be as one poster mentioned, stuffing envelopes or making phone calls. My spouse died late last year and had been too ill for many years for us to socialize with others. I am in my late 70s, and my only friends now are old friends who live far away, but still stay in touch by text or email. My only family is a son who lives a day’s drive away. It is a lonely life, and I wish it weren’t. Any suggestions of finding even acquaintances would be appreciated.

Can you get to a senior or community center? I know ours - and we’re a small town - has chair yoga, daily meals, bridge games, almost all at no charge. (I’m not sure about the lunches. There may be - small charge.)
Check to see if you have a paratransit service available in your area. I use ours to get home from shopping, sometimes to and from if it’s further. It saves me walking almost a mile to the bus stop and I can take my wheeled cart on the bus and use the lift.

I spent 10-12 years trying to find things to do. My doc asked me what I enjoy most, I said working. So I went back to work.

Have made friends, money, and love life again. I will never retire and hope my body holds out so I can work to at least 100 or until I croak, whichever comes first.

I read your post and have similar thoughts and feelings...since I quit using, I don't see any of the "old friends" it's hard to find good relationships and I'm sick of bad relationships so I guess I'd rather be lonely than hurt.