Filter off and should I care?

Posted by robertwills @robertwills, 3 days ago

Patient is very nice and almost like they always have been but some days they say things that are not the result of dementia but are simply a loss of filter. For example, the patient will say something negative, and hurtful, about your appearance, career, etc.. They have never said this before but now it's coming out. It's like someone who had too much to drink.

So do you take this as simply part of the disease or take the reasonable offense anyone would feel otherwise? I'm letting it noy bother me but I don't want to be around it, which is hard because it can happen without too much of a warning. Plus sometimes others hear it and it's not comfortable.

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jehjeh | @jehjeh | 2 days ago

Fortunately, this happens rarely with my husband. He once turned to me in a crowded doctor's office and out of the blue, very loudly asked "do you ever take a bath?" It took some time but I found out he meant as opposed to a shower. 🙂 embarrassing then, funny now.

celia16 | @celia16 | 2 days ago

Based on my understanding, if the person has dementia, their brain isn’t working properly. So, they are likely to experience certain symptoms including loss of inhibition, confusion, agitation, distorted thought, nonsensical thinking, etc. They may still have the ability to become annoyed and say hurtful things on purpose. However, with their dementia, how can we be sure what is causing it? So, we are supposed to always assume it’s the dementia. It’s ok to not like that behavior and best to avoid being around it.

My dad makes some midly inappropriate comments at times. I’ve considered getting some cards to hand people that say Please excuse my dad, but he has a medical condition that causes his behavior. I could tell my dad that I’m giving them a business card. My dad is prone to make comments to people about their appearance, like if a tall lady walks up, he’ll say how’s the weather up there? (Odd, since he’s 6’2).

bclane | @bclane | 2 days ago

When I was in nursing school, I took care of a 12-year-old boy who'd suffered a brain bleed due to an arteriovenous malformation. His brain no longer worked as it should, and he was more like a four- or five-year-old. Once I had him rest his hand on my upper arm to stabilize the arm while I took his blood pressure, and he asked me why my arm was so flabby. 🙂 I told him it was because I was old (I was in my forties at the time) and out of shape. The way he asked the question indicated that he really wanted to know the answer; he was not trying to be insulting.

After I graduated, I worked on psych units and heard many things said to other patients, family members, staff, and myself that were because of the brain not operating the way it should. The filter is off when there's a brain issue, and there's no point in taking offense when it's not meant to be offensive. Not saying that's easy to do, of course, especially in public. As my husband progresses with his dementia, I more and more see this as taking care of an 88-year-old child. And we all know children seldom have filters.

azoremama | @azoremama | 12 hours ago

I know some of you have it way worse, and I am new here... but how do you know in earlier stages if it is a dementia or just changes because of discontent or even depression. A lot more hurtful things from a mild mannered man (44 years married) still said in non-yelling ways... many bad assumptions instead of thinking to even ask.. this includes thoughts of others thinking bad about him, etc. Even as I write this with his non-official diagnosis YET... it sure seems to be part of it, but the normalcy towards others and then the changes when just us, sure makes one wonder.