Distraction from obsessive behavior for spouse with LBD

One other issue with the challenge above is that I often have urgent and significant issues that I need to attend to. My mom lives with us and she too has dementia. When my husband begins to obsess about something he feels is urgent, which is almost daily, I feel like I have to stop everything because he gets so upset and stressed out when I don’t, that the whole day can head downhill. I am to the point where I have to sneak out of before he or my mom are awake to get things done. That means often, that any business that needs to get completed still can’t be done because no one is open. Ugh!!

Mrjohnwebb, a couple years ago my husband started with obsessive behaviors like you describe. After a while there was no distracting him. He would do things like brushing his teeth, cleaning his glasses, taking showers, sometimes rearranging furniture downstairs, over and over and over again, all night and into the day. He wasn’t aggressive or threatening, but just looked right through me when I talked to him and continued doing them, saying, “Just one more time, then it will be fixed, clean, done, etc.” He was obsessed with whatever he was trying to do. There was no distracting him beyond about 2 minutes. Finally after 36 hours of no sleep for either of us, he went to the ER where they ended up admitting him to the hospital and putting him on a small dose of Risperidone (after trying several other meds which put him into a stupor) and it started working within a day or two. It calmed the behaviors and made him seem almost normal. It didn’t fix the memory loss, but did calm him without making him seem drugged. After a couple of months on the med, his PCP had me slowly wean him off of it. And the behaviors slowly started coming back. We ended up going back on the medication.

That’s helpful info about what might be coming! It has also prompted me to discuss this with his doctor now. Thank you so very much for your reply! I truly appreciate your time and effort.

I should mention that my husband wasn’t diagnosed with LBD, but with probable Alzheimer’s and bvFTD.

mrjohnwebb,
My heart definitely goes out to you. To care for your husband and your mother is quite an undertaking. May I suggest now that you comb your area for home health care because you will need it in the future. My husband has LBD. He was diagnosed in 2020. When he was well, he was Mr. Fixit! So early on in the disease, he wanted to fix everything...even though it wasn't broken. So, I explained that I need someone from outside to fix things so they would be guaranteed to work. He fought with me a bit, but I held my ground. We had spent thousands of dollars to repair my husband's solutions. Now, I give him laundry to fold. I bought a large amount of garage type rags. I put them in the dryer for a few minutes, and he will sit and fold them. He feels very productive then. Twice he has taken apart his baritone horn COMPLETELY. I have become well acquainted with the 90-year old gentleman who calmly puts it back together for $150. Be careful with new medications for your husband as people with LBD can have serious problems from medications. Good luck. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

You are quite ingenious! That is brilliant to have him fold laundry. I love that my hubby wants to help but his “support” can certainly be expensive. He has always done our laundry so folding will actually be a comfort to him. Thank you so much for sharing and taking the time to respond. I really appreciate that.

Hi Kim,
I wanted to check in and see how you are doing? Were you able to talk with the doctor to discuss John's "helpful" yet obsessive behavior? Anything working for you?

@jan83404 I love the idea of folding laundry! I’m wondering if it would work for you to get some plastic plates cups and bowls so he could help empty and load the dishwasher.
I like your positive attitude!

Lol- I tried the folding towels idea and his first comment “Hey, someone left towels on the bed to fold. What’s up with that?”. In the end it was my mom who did a beautiful job of folding the towels.

I have not yet talked to a doctor about this. We recently moved from AZ to WA (to be closer to family) and are just establishing care here. That will be a topic at his appt with a neurologist we were just referred to.

Also, update from yesterday. John looked at me at dinner and said, “You are the love of my life. I am so grateful for you.” I got completely choked up and held his hand and said, “You are loved. I will be with you as long as we both shall live and do my very best to always keep you safe.” Life is change and impermanence. I am doing my best to accept that, breathe thru each challenge and help us find joy each day. Comments like that from John make everything easier.