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Difficulty with memory care home accepting angry dementia patient

Posted by pbmom @pbmom, Aug 24, 2022

My sister in NJ has at least medium dementia, and gets angry and spits pills or holds hands up to avoid Yucky pills. She actually takes only a chloresterol pill plus ones for her anger. My brother in law cared for her and coped with difficulty until she also got a UTI, which took getting her to the hospital sedated to diagnose. She went home, but refused the UTI pills, so ended up at a psychiatric hospital to ensure she got rid of the UTI. It seems like time to transition her to a memory care home, but he has been having trouble getting her accepted. He has clarified she only hits out at people forcing yucky pills, they have modified pills into gels and varied which foods will work to hide pills. The latest try for a home wants a third evaluation before accepting her, to see if she is consistent (ie well behaved if she's taken pills).
I wondered if anyone else had advice on transitions by their dementia family. It's been a long month of finding her a care home, and my brother in law has only been allowed to visit twice so far (masked, no touching, not best for hard of hearing, hugging sister)

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Teri | @tsc | Aug 25, 2022

Hi @pbmom, So sorry to hear of your sister and brother-in-law's troubles. Dementia is such a cruel disease. My mother took care of my father as long as she could at home, with caregivers, but that was too much for her own failing health. My dad went into a nursing home. He was mobile at first and hit the residents he walked by. We wound up getting someone to stay with him during the day so he couldn't wander. That was for a few months until he lost the ability to walk. If the facility can continue to mask the pills, by putting them in food or a smoothie, does your sister-in-law stay calm?

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dadbrother2022 | @dadbrother2022 | Sep 3, 2022

Oh dear I understand. I think my situation with my brother is similar but different. He is very young and he has schizoid affective disorder along with newly diagnosed dementia. He is only 44.
Anyways, long story short he is having a problem as the care facilities are not wanting him there. He is excellent and such a great guy but has “episodes “ of agitation and anxiety that can come across scary at times. He is pretty much been living in the psychiatric ward for yrs. Poor guy went undiagnosed with the dementia for who knows how long. Anyways, the facility he was in before this latest admission to psych ward (4 months he’s been there) was a nursing care home and I just think it isn’t a good match for such a young guy …. They don’t want him back BUT the only thing that could possibly be done is for him to have his own room. But if they can’t do that then I don’t know where he’s going to go. So anyways I understand the fear of not knowing

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jal333 | @jal333 | Sep 5, 2022
In reply to @dadbrother2022 "Oh dear I understand. I think my situation with my brother is similar but different. He..." + (show)
@dadbrother2022

Oh dear I understand. I think my situation with my brother is similar but different. He is very young and he has schizoid affective disorder along with newly diagnosed dementia. He is only 44.
Anyways, long story short he is having a problem as the care facilities are not wanting him there. He is excellent and such a great guy but has “episodes “ of agitation and anxiety that can come across scary at times. He is pretty much been living in the psychiatric ward for yrs. Poor guy went undiagnosed with the dementia for who knows how long. Anyways, the facility he was in before this latest admission to psych ward (4 months he’s been there) was a nursing care home and I just think it isn’t a good match for such a young guy …. They don’t want him back BUT the only thing that could possibly be done is for him to have his own room. But if they can’t do that then I don’t know where he’s going to go. So anyways I understand the fear of not knowing

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Not sure where you live, but I got help with a similar family situation many years ago at https://www.misericordia.com/
Peace.

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