depression related to son's problems with alcohol, lying, stealing

Posted by sumarie @sumarie, Jul 7, 2011

I have a 22 year-old son who has man problems ranging from alcohol to lying and stealing…. he is diagnosed with ADHD and pre-frontal cortex dysfunctions I have spent my whole life trying to help him find success in everything from school to employment to philanthropic activities….nothing seems to have taken with him and now I am depressed……..If this story resonates with anyone, I would like to hear from you…

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

I’m sorry to hear of your situation. Please visit this link for info regarding depression: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression/DS00175

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Your problem caught my attention. Been there, done that. Then, I learned about addictive personalities and co-dependency……it is restoring my sanity. Hang in there and most of all, take care of YOU first.

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@snowleopard

Your problem caught my attention. Been there, done that. Then, I learned about addictive personalities and co-dependency……it is restoring my sanity. Hang in there and most of all, take care of YOU first.

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now that you’re learning about adddictive personalities, etc. what are you doing to help yourself? Do you have a child with similar issues?

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I have a 10-year-old with ADHD (among a couple other diagnoses), and while your post scares the Dickens out of me, I also want to tell you I understand. I know the problems only get bigger as our kids get bigger, but it is downright exhausting trying to get them help, especially when the system is as full of holes as swiss cheese! As moms, though, we have to remember we did the best we could. YOU did the best you could and you are doing the best you can. Take some time and grieve the “perfect” son you lost, and then carry on, but take care of yourself. You can’t help him unless you are well, and as moms, it’s easy to keep putting everyone else’s needs in front of our own.

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My daughter has bipolar/borderline personality. She’s doing much better now and has moved out of state. It’s a lot to deal with…how well I know. I finally had to quit feeling sorry for her and instead let her fall because of bad choices. It’s been 7 years in the making. I started having Pseudo Seizures almost 2 years ago…and now I concentrate on me…as I know my daughter has to do the same. Be happy to discuss more…you’re in my prayers.

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Alanon (there are branches everywhere)I

ALANON!

There are branches everywhere.
They help parents dealing with addicted children (or spouse, S.O.) and learn how to cope. How to set boundaries, avoid enabling.

And they support each other.

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I am practicing loving detachment. I realized that my son's emotional, mental, spiritual and financial success effected me. I also realized that my well-being was dependent on his. This put me in a no-win situation and it wasn't helping him. Our children and others pick up on our energy of worry.
It's an ongoing battle, but since I've realized that loving him and worrying about him are two different things, I'm no longer on the path of curing him. I'm on the path of self-care and self-love.

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@intendtorecover

I am practicing loving detachment. I realized that my son's emotional, mental, spiritual and financial success effected me. I also realized that my well-being was dependent on his. This put me in a no-win situation and it wasn't helping him. Our children and others pick up on our energy of worry.
It's an ongoing battle, but since I've realized that loving him and worrying about him are two different things, I'm no longer on the path of curing him. I'm on the path of self-care and self-love.

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@intendtorecover Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect.

We often get so wrapped up in our loved ones' success and failure, we often forget about ourselves, and making our own successes and failures. Sound familiar? Loving detachment can be difficult to do, and I'd like to understand what has worked for you? And I bet there are others who want to know, also.

Do you find that as you wander down the path of self-care and self-love, that your son sees you doing that, and is making positive strides of his own? that would be a win-win for you both!
Ginger

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