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annables

depression and anger over being used by brother that took all my money did not repay any

Posted by @annables in Just Want to Talk, Jun 16, 2012

MY brother a few yrs ago got in trouble because he didnt contribute to retirement
plan where he worked but he paid the employees retirement. this was illegal
he was looking at divorce losing his house and job and his standing as an
elected official--possible jail time. i handed him all my retirement money ===
i only had 45k recently rolled into my retirement fund. i had to pay irs a lot because
i wasnt retirement age when i got disabled. he said he would give me his land
he would inherit when our parents were no longer with us. he has not ever even
mentioned or paid any thing back to me. nor give me his land. i cannot sleep
have anxiety and hatred for him. can anyone help me get over this? i cannot afford therapy. i am 70 now and i do without proper food and live off ss check.
my brother lives high-buys exp guns gifts for his friends takes them to eat never
asks me. this squandering by him has turned me against him. he does nothing
for me. someone please give me advice about letting this gol i have a lot of anger and resentment to him. he will never pay me anything back. thanks .liz

Tags: need help coping, cant sleep, depressed

China likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jun 16, 2012

Hi liz What a sad situation you re in. You gave your brother your retirement money and he has been very ungrateful to your kindness.I can understand that you would be having feelings of anxiety and anger over this. If nothing was placed in writing by your brother as to the land etc that he agreed to give you I don't think that legally you have any rights to this. But in saying this and wilth no legal background myself it may be in your best interests to seek some kind of legal advice. In Australia we have legal aid and this is free legal advice, you may have something similar in the states. Please let me know how things go for you and i'm here if you just need to talk anytime. Take care Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Jun 16, 2012

Hi Liz,
I would advice you to apply for free legal services! Hang in there dear.

annables

Posted by @annables, Jun 18, 2012

HI Roxie---Thank you so much for responding. I am so happy that you took
the time and forever grateful. Read my responses above. I am trying to hang in
there but I think I am getting weaker. I t has helped me SO MUCH that all of you
talked to me--Wish I could repay you all. Thank you again. With Love-Ann

annables

Posted by @annables, Jun 18, 2012

HI Piglit-- Bless you for your kind words. I just thank you so much for caring and
responding. When these things happened to me--I was the maincaregiver for
my mom that developed alzheimer disease for 7-10yrs. My priority was to take
care of parents first-me last --After mom passed away 2001--then my father
in 2003. I went to visit with him during week and on weekends. My parents were
my best friends-all I had in this world.. My father age 92 was a victim of home
invasion-I found him one Sunday morning-beaten and left for dead. He lived
for 6 months--but in horrific fear--of what had happened to him. My brother told
the police (the day I found him) that he must have had heart attack and fell around
the room. I did all kinds of investigation--found out who was trying to extort money
from my dad. I never understood why my brother didnt take over the investigation-he surely was in a capacity to( read what I wrote Jodi above) My brother said that
when he got out of office he would look into it-----I promise you--lots of people heard him say what he said. WHO WOULD TURN THEIR BACK ON MURDER
OF HIS OWN FATHER? i think there is an answering day-if not in this world-then
in the next. There is legal aid but it is not funded enough in this state and there
are priorities above mine--they didnt even talk to me about it. My brother stated
orally ( with witnessaround) that when he inherited land he would let me have
it--but he did not.
I am doing best i can, with love, ann

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jun 18, 2012

Hi ann with the witnesses that overheard the conversation are any of them prepared to help you in anyway. Take care piglit

annables

Posted by @annables, Jun 18, 2012

Hi Piglit--Yes=the witness would verify what they overheard.
thanks ==its good to hear from you I guess I get myself upset so that I cant sleep much.. Ann
Everybody==thanks for coffee Thank for everything

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jun 18, 2012

Hi Ann take care of yourself my dear, try and rest if you can and as I say fairy steps one at a time. We have a good support group here and are always here to help if you need me/us anytime. Also i find that warm milk and honey helps me relax before sleep. Take care my dear Piglit

joanneo

Posted by @joanneo, Jun 16, 2012

Dear Ann I am so sorry to hear of your misfortune. Unfortunately; your kindness was abused.you have to try to let it go because the anger will eat you up and cause depression..I realize that this is hard to do but you must take care of yourself..you may have to detach from this relationship. Please keep intouch with me as I truly care and would like to help you. I am a good sounding board and it sounds like that's what you need right now. Do you have any friends to talk with that you trust? Sincerely. Jodi

annables

Posted by @annables, Jun 18, 2012

Dear Jodi-It means lot to me that you answered. -more than you can know.
what I described is not all he took I had an expensive gun collection that I
received thro my divorce settlement years ago.Just one set of matching pistols
were featured on cover of magazine -valued at 25 k. Two weeks after my divorce--
I had no children- my brother came to my house and asked--what are you going
to do with the guns--I said --nothing---just keeping them--He said -let me lock
them up in my safe -no one can steal them. He said you may have a home invasion. Imagine this--I just went thro a bad divorce and I was definitely weak.
I had lost 90 lbs and was a bank mgr --trying to go to work. This happened 22 yrs
ago--taking my retirement money was a few years ago.
when I asked him about my guns-he said he sold them because he needed money--since he was elected to an office -and presiding over court document
also was a deputized official of the law--no one in that small town would have
helped me-he was in the office 20 yrs -until 4 yrs ago was defeated. I lived in
another state. All these yrs=I thought my guns were in his safe.Dont know when
he sold them-what year?-or anything--the model-make--and id on guns were
with the gunsl Sorry to go on and on--thank you for lending an ear. All this has
really taking its toll on me.I trusted him. With love, Ann

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jun 18, 2012

Hi ann Just wondering after reading your reply from Jodi whether you had taken any photgraphs of the guns over the years that may assist you to find them. Also may be a good idea to try pawn brokers within the surrounding areas. Just a thought Here if you need me Piglit

annables

Posted by @annables, Jun 23, 2012

Dear Jodi--I have started detaching from my relative--and he knows something
is going on. I think he is picking up on my coolness--I am having a hard time
trying to keep the anger in check.. It's really hard to do. Trying to forgive--there is
so much--thats been done to others in the family-==Wish I could forget it. I dont
have friends here that I can trust---I am so grateful for your words.. I am grateful
to have met all of you-this is a good site with good people. Much love. Ann

jsparks

Posted by @jsparks, Jun 23, 2012

just what works for me, everyone is different, You gotta find a outlet, some its knitting, gardening, hobbies. But I found one thing that gets the hurt to go away for me is painting, no I can't paint on paper but I will paint on darn near anything else, I am not good but its just lets my emotion get out into the work, and then the next day I look at it, and you can tell how pissed I was by what I painted, and I have had to sand a few things back down because they were not something I wanted to keep, but there are some that I am still glad I did, for example right now on my computer desk between me and the monitor if you look down towards your fingers on the keyboard Its says ALIVE in 6 inch letters, bright bold and catches your eye, it reminds me everyday that I did survive, and I need to be thankful for that, well the night I painted that was the last time I had "survivors guilt" where I wished I had also died in that wreck. So long story short, we all have a lot we go through but what matters is we are still here, and we are still trying to better ourselves and help outs, I know what its like to go from not worrying about money to not knowing how to keep the lights on or food on the table, I have lived well the 25th will be 1 year in financial crisis due to someone elses mistake. and I agree IT SUCKS to worry about money, but I also have learned, money and things are way over rated. I hope this helped at all, I really hope you can find what you need to hear, and be patient, it took me sometime of reading peoples responses and opinion tell I found what worked for me, But I am still new around here but I got a couple friends now that know what I am going through, and understand, and most importantly Don't judge me. only we are weak, together with friends we can be strong!!!

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jun 23, 2012

Hi j so agree with what you are saying , and know exactly where your coming from with all of this, Im so proud of you with the ongoing strength that continues to shine through. No-one should be judgemental, and you know that I do understand, and I'm so glad that your'e here. and yes together with friends can be us stronger. Take care Piglit

jsparks

Posted by @jsparks, Jun 25, 2012

K well, I guess its time to have my first showing of my work... I will put a pic in my profile... please be honest and realize I am just starting so I know its not great.... 🙂 but you guys inspired me to find the outlet I think you deserve first look lol

jsparks

Posted by @jsparks, Jun 25, 2012

well only one would post and its too big lol but you get the idea, its my dresser,

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jun 25, 2012

That's really great J it looks amazing can't wait to see more Take care Piglit

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jun 25, 2012

It's great J you are obviously talented at this a very impressed Piglit

annables

Posted by @annables, Jun 23, 2012

Hi Friend- I think you are great. I mean that. You are very good at expressing
yourself and helping me, too. You got a grip-I admire that. I am learning from
all who have reached out to me. There is a lot of love and kindness shown on
this site. I am thankful I found such great friends. Ann

joanneo

Posted by @joanneo, Jun 23, 2012

Hi Ann been wondering where u have been was getting worried how r things? Your friend jodi

annables

Posted by @annables, Jun 24, 2012

Dear Jodi Thanks for concern--I'm trying -Thats all I guess I can do anyway.
The brother stops by to tell me what all he bought and put in his SAFE--and
everybody he cooked steaks for lately. Those remarks make it real hard to be
around him-Big Spender--still trying to buy people.to be his friend. He dont know
it--but I WAS the best friend he ever had.He is spending about 10K a ,,month.
I leave my house to avoid--but he comes back by to tell me. If you can understand
some of this mess--then you would imagine --it hurts. I pray every day to get rid
of hostility I have.---Thanks to a friend like you that I know cares, hopefully one day
i can forgive and go on --IN HIS LOVE, Ann

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jun 24, 2012

Hi ann maybe if you explained to your brother how much this upsets you it may help. I find that if you can talk things out and discuss what's troubling you that this can be a good thing.His expenditure seems huge. It is such a hard position for you and as they say with the forgiveness that time heals all. Although sometimes it seems forever when youv'e been hurt as you have. Try to stay strong and positive and make sure to take care of yourself. Take care Here if you need to talk Piglit

joanneo

Posted by @joanneo, Jun 23, 2012

Dear J's that was so beautiful. It is so true what u have said the most important things in life are health love and friendships money helps but it can not bring happiness and it certaintly cannot buy health. Remember there are people out there much worse than we. I try to put that in perspective when I feel down thank u again for such a beautiful reading. All the best. Jodi.

jsparks

Posted by @jsparks, Jun 19, 2012

HI Ann, just was reading at what a tough time you have been put through, its always hard to not be angry when you have been wronged and there other party does not even appear sorry specially a brother.... I am kinda new to anger issues but the one I was angry at died when he crashed into me, so I just held in the anger and it really messed with my head, but then I found this site and its amazing how helpful a good venting can be, Me and the friends I have been making don't judge and we have all suffered in some way, I wish there was something I could do I understand about your lose of guns to, this year on my birthday even my house was robbed and all my guns were taking along with pretty much all my favorite possessions.... That was feb 5th, 2012 and even with no body getting caught, and no renters insurance and was on disability checks just getting by, it was hard and thats when I got angry even at the police for not doing anything to protect my stuff.... Besides one gun that was given to me by my grandfather before he died, all the stuff taken was just stuff, and I have actually found a way to be thankful, but the hardest part is getting over the fact someone took advantage of you, bettered themselves while making you suffer... I don't know how they can live with that especially to family but you gotta just find a way to forgive him, not for his sake and he don't even need to know but for yourself you gotta just move past it I know thats tough trust me I still working on it, but the anger your holding onto doesn't hurt him just you. Well this is just what works for me, just find someway to forgive but you can not forget and ignore, it will just keep happening. just fyi Video evidence is soo effective even with governing officials, I now hit record on my cell phone if I feel uncomfortable around people that have questionable morals, but I am not saying thats very "healthy" but it sure makes me feel safer. I hope relief comes your way!!

ann ables likes this
annables

Posted by @annables, Jun 20, 2012

Hi--do i call you js or?

thank you for reply-I am new to site-is there any way we can talk outside-
i have info for you.I am surely sorry about the accident and the break-in
that you have suffered with. I hope local law helped you=where i live a person
has to go to them and ask for a case number (little known fact)-this leaves
your case open longer,etc. Thanks too, for info about ph. i will use that.
I want you to know I admire your spirit and your capability to forgive.-
Wish I knew how-I fall back-in same anger and frustration.Thanks Ann

jsparks

Posted by @jsparks, Jun 23, 2012

Ya, Law Enforcement, I have not been able to sugar coat my views on them, 5 hours I waited for them, I have lived on this same street since was 8, yes I now live 2 houses down from my parents... but we never had issues, and heck we never locked the doors, its sure different now, but I am glad we weren't home and I realized as well as my anti gun father, we have the right to bear arms, so we both bought our first hand guns, and we call ourselves the neighborhood watch, as on both sides of me I have 2 elderly widows so I feel its my job to take care of them if needed... Well, kinda got off on a rant the moment I think about law enforcement, I had no idea that since I was a 1/4 mile out of city limits that they wouldn't help, until Feb.5th I had a desire to be a cop, but I think there is a better way for me to help others, not just make money for the city with speeding tickets..

jsparks

Posted by @jsparks, Jun 23, 2012

j js jsparks, I sometimes answer to hey you as well so what ever you prefer 🙂

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jun 23, 2012

lol sense of humour is great Talk soon Hey you

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jun 23, 2012

Good idea to try and stay on the right side of the law I think

china

Posted by @china, Jun 19, 2012

hey buddy. u ok

bettyann

Posted by @bettyann, Jun 21, 2012

Hi Ann, here comes some more love and a hug for you! Please do contact Legal Aide...or...ANY lawyer that is willing to work on a contingency basis. I know what you must be going through...being torn up because this is your BROTHER, for goodness sake, but Ann, it really is necessary that you honor YOURSELF... you WILL find the strength... it will be there. Keep in touch.
Just say to yourself: Spirit, I WANT to forgive even though I don't 'feel' like it... don't expect to FEEL like it...that is asking too much right now... Just tell Spirit you WANT to do what is best for your Highest Good...and all those concerned. It will happen Ann... even though it may not always FEEL like it... You are not doing ANYTHING WRONG ...you sound VERY normal to me! 🙂 Plus, You sound like a wonderful, lovely person!

ann ables likes this
annables

Posted by @annables, Jun 21, 2012

Hi Bettyann, What sound and sensible advice. I will assure you that I will take
your advice tonight. It is amazing when you read certain words, and they just
seem to click.You are right-I am not doing anything wrong--but i have failed to honor myself--I try to forgive-think I got it===Then it rushes back sometimes
worse than before. I say "I must be doing something wrong". Thank you for
your kind reply. Sending love your way. In His Love. Ann

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jun 21, 2012

Hi ann how are things going Piglit

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