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Deciding whether or not to marry someone with mild dementia

Posted by maryflorida @maryflorida, Jun 25, 2023

My husband of 50 years died last year and my 11 children live all over the country, none near me. The girls want me to live with them, but I don't really want to. I am 82 now and alone a lot until recently. I have a companion, a man who would be perfect for me except he has some dementia. He loves me and wants to be married; he is 88. My kids are so negative; :"it will get worse, Mom," they say. I am very lonely if he is not here, even though I do have friends. Can you tell me what you would do? Let him stay over often? Be alone every night?

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maryflorida | @maryflorida | Jun 29, 2023
In reply to @dilly22 "Dear Lonely, If you have to ask here, then you know in your heart the answer...." + (show)
@dilly22

Dear Lonely,
If you have to ask here, then you know in your heart the answer. I’m sure it’s not easy being alone after losing your husband of 50 years. But at this time in your life it is probably better to remain friends and companions. You are lucky to have a large family and they seem very concerned for you. Perhaps, moving closer to some would be better for you. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.

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Thank you too. I know the commitment to care for him seems too hard. I just felt guilty, like
I am putting my own comfort ahead of him needing someone like me to care for him.
Am I being selfish by not doing this for him?

One thing about a large family...I could move near any of them, but hard to decide.
Maybe in a year or two, it will be easier.
You all are very kind to give me some input. There were no counselors near me who had time.
This is a wonderful system.. volunteer counselors!

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