Day Trip

Has he seen his Urologist lately? If not, he should see him before you try any trips. He may be able to help him. It is worth a try. I'm seeing mine on Tuesday, because I had pains around my right kidney for seven days. I don't know what it was yet, but it could be several different things. One of the symptoms is having to go frequently.

Thank you. Yes he has. His is due to medication he’s on😊

Hi Salli4,
I'm so sorry your husband has these problems. That must be very hard on him. I would suggest not going. I think the trip would be too stressful on your husband. Two hours in a car is hard on anyone! Also, it could be embarrassing for him if he had a bathroom accident or was, as you said, delusional while visiting your daughters. When people have problems and don't seem to know what they are doing, it's pretty certain that they do know that something isn't right with them and it bothers them immensely because they can't fix it. I saw this with my husband when he had lung cancer and had to have help in the bathroom or when I left to go to the store and came home to find him waving his arms all over for no reason. He was embarrassed and aware that what he was doing wasn't right but didn't know what to do about it.

People with problems like your husband has cope better in familiar places. The bathroom is right where it always was and he's in his own home. It makes them feel more secure.

Can your daughters come and visit you? That would be the best solution or could you all communicate on the computer so you could see each other?

Another thing I would suggest is that you ask God for help. He's always there for us. Just talk to him like he's your best friend and he is! I'll say a prayer for both you and your husband also.

I wish you the best.
PML

I wouldn't say go or don't go, but I certainly hope both of you CAN go! If you're able to make the trip successfully once, it will open the door to lots of other possible trips and the rewards they bring. If anything goes wrong, hopefully it will be minor enough to serve as a learning experience for the next trip.

My father (without dementia) routinely made the 1-hour drive to visit my family when he was 84 and battling cancer and prostate+urinary problems. It wasn't until he turned 85 we had to take his keys away, but he did just fine when my wife and I drove him on a 3-hour trip (each way) to visit my brother and a 5-hour (each way) trip to attend a Navy reunion. Being longer trips, we also made an overnight stay with each; that reduced the stress and need to rush, allowing a slower drive and plenty of time to make bathroom or food stops.

My father-in-law (now 86, with severe dementia, heart issues, and recovered from kidney cancer) does fine on car trips of 1-2 hours depending on the driver and the stress/traffic level of the trip. Obviously the lower the stress the better, and for him, being on the road at night is stressful. My mother-in-law (not in great shape herself) is his primary caregiver, and she knows how to keep him calm.

So... a third person (like a driver) would allow you to focus your attention on your husband instead of the road. Amusing distractions make time go by faster. My wife likes to do crossword puzzles, and she interacts with the rest of us by giving clues and asking for "help" that she definitely doesn't need. I keep a good supply of downloaded music for everyone's taste on my cell phone that we can listen to on the car stereo. If you have a laptop computer, you could also download and watch a movie, or silly videos, etc. The third person would also be helpful to keep an eye on your husband if you have to stop and go to the bathroom.

Packing supplies to cover minor medical issues and bathroom needs is essential. Pre-planning to include directions to hospitals along the way avoids having to figure that out in a hurry. Make sure your car is mechanically ready for the trip to avoid a breakdown. Get AAA or find out what kind of coverage your insurance company offers for towing in case you need it.

Making the trip comfortable goes a long way. Bring a pillow and blanket in case he wants/needs a nap. An eye mask to black out the daylight also makes it easier to sleep in the car.

I think the more mobile you can be, and the more family you can see, the better off you'll both be. But you know your situation and your/his limits better than anyone, so don't let yourself get pressured into biting off more than you want to chew.

Hope it works out!

Thank you for all the encouragement. I will consider all your suggestions that are applicable to our situation. And appreciate your input🙂