Does anyone have any experience with Adult Day Care facilities?

I’ll just say what we have experienced. I’m trying to get my dad to go now. I wish I had insisted years ago when I initially tried. He resisted and we let it go. But, if we had insisted and got him involved and used to the place, they could have been a great resource now , when I so desperately need that care during the day. The cost for the senior day programs range from free to low cost, compared to the retained private home care agency. With just me being responsible 24/7 right now I need time to run errands, my own doctor appointments, work, etc. Here, there is a free service that will provide transportation. Even with him in wheelchair. I just have to set it up. Assuming he’s willing. My dad is still so stubborn and resistant to care…..it will be the reason he’s placed in a facility. He’s becoming too much for home care.

Good luck and I hope your wife likes the adult day center.

Thank you for the insight. I appreciate it. My wife's condition is still, basically, her short term memory. She is still able to function independently and occasional she will drive to bowling where she is on a team with one of her sons. And to her hairdresser. Otherwise, she is a home body. I'm thinking my next speed bump is me. When the time comes and I bring up the subject of her needing to get out and socialize I expect her to go defensive and say "why don't you get out and socialize". And she has a point. I don't have a social circle of men. I don't even have a male best friend here in my area. So, I think I need to figure out my situation first. Also, I need to do a better job of controlling my guilt feelings. Thanks for the talk.

I identify with you jimdianne. About a year ago I investigated a senior day care for my husband. He wasn't ready for it then but he's deteriorating. He still drives to his favorite coffee shop and talks to the people there, telling the same stories over and over, but he loves it. So far the people there put up with him, perhaps because they don't have to listen to him all day like I do.
I feel trapped because when I go anywhere my husband worries and waits for me outside on the porch no matter what the weather is. Seeing him standing there looking up and down the street makes me feel guilty, so even when I manage an outing I'm aware of him waiting anxiously at home. I would love for him to have a day care place to go to but don't want to hurt his feelings by suggesting it. He doesn't realize the severity of his condition and doesn't know it's only going to get worse. I do know that there are a lot of us in this situation. That doesn't help but it does indicate the need for available, affordable solutions that don't necessarily involve assisted living, which can wipe out your savings.

My wife has carried a diagnosis of MCI for 7 years with a gradual decline (significant short term memory loss, no planning/organizational skills, technology incompetent), but still relatively functional (drives once a month to hair salon or nearby Walmart). But she spends her days with the TV on very loud (hearing impaired) and doing crossword puzzles (cheats) or sudoku (not sure how well she does that). But will not go for walks, won't go out to breakfast or lunch. She would never agree to go to daycare. She accuses me of seeing someone (another woman) when I go to the grocery store or for medical/dental appointments. I'm feeling like a prisoner in my own home. She has a sister in another city who comes to stay with her a couple of times a year when I go off for a weekend of golf with my son and/or friends. I'm not looking for answers because I'm not sure there are any. I'm doing OK for now (just venting and comparing situation with others).

Boy do I feel your pain. So much like my situation except it hasn't been even 1 year yet.

maybe you could volunteer at the Day Center and bring her along.....? or at a local senior center, they have lots of activities.....

I have visited several senior day centers. One really caught my attention when I saw how modern, spacious and active it was. I arrived as they were about to start a line dance class. All over 50 were welcomed. The workout room had incredible equipment. And the computer room was full. So, I think there are opportunities for seniors of all abilities.

These comments about caregivers allowing loved ones with dementia to drive scare me. If they have no short term memory, repeat themselves over and over, are exceptionally stubborn, have no problem solving ability etc, it would be like allowing a child to drive. It's difficult but you must not allow it. What would happen if they killed someone. They wouldn't even remember it. Plus as diagnosed with impairment, you would be liable for everything you own.

I completely understand your frustration. I've got something similar with my husband. Every case is different but the sense of loss of a partner is present however that loss manifests itself. I feel trapped, as if I had a toddler who needs consistent attention. My husband is still functional but his decline is apparent and increasing. We're seeing a neurologist on Friday, when I hope to get some answers. If she tells my husband to stop driving, our lives will change drastically and not for the better. I guess it's time to look into senior daycare again. I dread bringing it up because I know my husband will resist. Doing arts and crafts or exercises with twenty-something kids leading a group is definitely not his thing. He wants to tell his stories over and over and over. He could do that at a care center and people would listen to him and probably forget they'd heard the stories before. That happens now at his favorite coffee shop. He would hate to give that up. Maybe I could convince him to alternate days. There's a thought.

Not sure what state you’re in but Evergreen Adult Senior Center in Stamford, CT is a great place.